Topic: You can't understand unless you been there.

I spoke to one of Wayne's friends from years ago, he could not understand why I am depressed.  He at first told me he would help me, look through all our papers.  He told me he was a attorney, Wayne never told me this.  I thought well I could use some help with his workers comp. plus other things, he told me I needed to get myself straight.  Then he said it didn't look I was ready to do anything, he said I needed to get on with my life.  This man has never lost a spouse, of 35 years so who is he to tell me I needed to get straight.  He told me that he stopped coming by to Wayne because Wayne always seemed depressed.  Why would he be depressed?  He had been diagnoised with sarcoidosis (Bernie Mack Disease), got hurt at work lost leg above knee, and had open heart surgery.  He wasn't even around after that for the blood clots and cholangiocarcinoma.  Why would I be depressed and ready to see my Wayne again?

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate

Re: You can't understand unless you been there.

Hi,

I too have had many experiencies with people like this.  Everything you said is so true.  Unless you have gone through this you just can not understand.   You have every right to be feeling the way you do after losing Wayne.   I was told something by a close friend who also lost her husband and the love of her life only 3 months after I lost Jim.  I read it every day and it does make me feel like I am OK.  Maybe it will help you too.

It will never be quite the same after someone you love dies, but you will make it.  Life will go on.  You will be OK, but it will never be quite the same again and you don't have to get over it.

It will be 2 years for me on Sept 2 and I still miss him so much.  I too look forward to the day we will be together again, but until then I will do the best I can and hold on to him in my heart and memories.

Sadly, the only way these people will every understand is if & when it happens to them.  Until then I wish they would keep their "helpful" comments to themselves!

Know that I am thinking of you and share the pain of your loss.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.