Sorry to hear about your mother's situation - is she tolerating the Tarceva well, now that the others didn't work? My own mother didn't respond well to chemo so we put her in hospice care at home, which was a wonderful way to make her comfortable and happy in her last days. Everyone is different in how this disease treats them, as you'll hear all of us on this forum say over and over again -- so don't lose hope because someone's situation seems similar to yours. On the other hand, if you know the end is near and your mother doesn't want to suffer through doctor's visits and hospital visits anymore, and if she's feeling tired and nauseous most of the time, and the chemo is making her quality of life WORSE instead of better, I believe palliative care is the best way to go - be with her as much as you can, make her comfortable and let her know that she is loved. As far as timing goes, I was desperately looking for signs, as you are, and there are no definite answers out there. My mother lasted only two months after being diagnosed - she was 64. And she was feeling okay and eating decent amounts of food up until 2 days before she died. The ascites in the abdomen were very bad and she was very weak, but we thought maybe she could go on for a while like that. She didn't have very bad pain until the last two days, also.
I don't know what you're looking for so I don't want to alarm you with my depressing story! You can email me direct if you have any specific questions. I might not be able to answer them, but I can give you my own experience and maybe that can help. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org
I am so sorry for what you're going through right now - I know how lonely and devastated you must feel. I wish you strength and peace - for you and your mother. My heart goes out to you both. -- Joyce