Topic: I will never again be 100% happy

It's been a long time since I have visited this site but I really need to hear from people who understand. October 20th, 2010 will mark the second anniversary of my moms passing at the young age of 52.  From diagnosis to death, those 6 weeks were the worst of my life. Since then so many things have changed. January 29, 2010 my husband and I welcomed the most beautiful baby boy into our lives. Everytime I look at him, I fall more and more in love...and then it hits me. He will never know his Grandmother, the woman who loved him more than anything before he was even conceived, he will never hear her infectious laugh or taste her amazing meals. I look at him and think I can't imagine ever leaving him in life and then I think of my mom who lwas forced to leave her 3 children behind. I wonder if she thought of all the things in life she would miss each time she closed her eyes at night. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder....and then I can't breathe. The pain and sadness overcomes me and I feel like I am living it all over again. I miss her more then words could ever describe, but it hurts too much to remember, good or bad...and so I push the memories out of my mind and try to get through the day. I laugh with my family and friends, I play with my baby boy, I cuddle with my husband. I should be happy but then I am reminded that I am here and she is not and never again in my life will I ever be 100% happy. It's not fair!!!! Will it always hurt this much?

Re: I will never again be 100% happy

Dear Sarah,

Our situations are so similar except that I lost my husband, my soulmate of 45 years, and you lost your dear Mom.   It will be 2 years for me on Sept. 2 and I still feel so lost and confused.  Yes, the pain and sadness are sometimes overwhelming.  I am beginning to realize that it will never truely go away.  It will always be there.  After such a tremendous loss, life will never be the same and you do not have to get over it.  No, it's not fair, but somehow we just have to learn how to live with it and try to go on.

You are so fortunate to have that darling little boy and a loving supportive husband in your life. You will never forget your Mom, grieve for her, remember her fondly and try to enjoy the life you have been given with your husband & little one.

Know that I am thinking of you and share your pain and sadness. 

Take care Sarah and keep coming back here when you need to.  It really does help.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: I will never again be 100% happy

Dear Sarah, I am so sorry for your loss & for your grief.  Your little boy is such a blessing; your mum will live on in your memories of her, in her love for you & your son & in all she has passed on to him through her genes, her care for his mother & in the love his mother carries for her & always will.

Please let us know how you are getting on.

Julia

"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician."