Topic: I just want to talk to someone who understands....do you??

My husband is away for work and so I am alone for the next week....not good. I hate being alone b/c that is when I think the most and relive everything. As I lay here in bed tonight I am thinking how crazy it is that our lives are filled with so many years and months and days and seconds but the minute tragedy strikes our lives are no longer divided into days and months and years but now "before mom got sick" and "after mom got sick". Everything, no matter how small will fit into one of these categories forever.
Mom started a journal when she got sick and wrote in it for almost 2 weeks until she was no longer able to write straight. I read that journal whenever I am alone. I know it will make me upset but at least then I will feel something, other than that I feel numb daily. It's been almost 2 years and it still kills me to hear my friends talk about their moms. When they fight with their moms I want to shake them and tell them to wake up and stop wasting their energy on such trivial stuff for one day, they will no longer have what I am so jealous of now. I don't really have a point to this post, I just wanted to vent to someone. To have someone tell me it will be okay. To have someone understand. To have someone......I hate being alone sad

Re: I just want to talk to someone who understands....do you??

I'm so sorry for how you are feeling Sarah.  I am terrified of the day Dad is gone and I am forced to face life without him.  I have heard from and learned from so many on this site that as hard as it may be, it's okay to mourn our loved ones, but we must continue living as they would want us to live.  Your Mom is with you always - parents never, NEVER leave their children, and I imagine she would hate to know that you are unhappy.  Feel sad when you need to feel sad, and cry when you need to cry, but then remember all the memories, all the good times, and think about how much she'd rather watch you smile.


I am thinking of you and praying for you tonight Sarah, and hope you start feeling better soon.

Jen

Re: I just want to talk to someone who understands....do you??

Dear Sarah,

Yes, I understand.  I hate being alone too.  It has been almost 2 years for me too since I lost my husband to CC.  I feel the same as you when I hear friends complaining about their spouse's.  Why can't they just be happy and appreciate what they have?  Once it is gone, it is too late.  My life too has been reduced to before & after.  I think you do have a valid point.  You have expressed your feelings and let let us who share those feelings know that it is normal to feel as we do.  It will be OK.  It will never be the same, but it will be OK.  Vent all you want or need to.  You are not alone.  We are all here for you and for each other. Take care Sarah.


Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: I just want to talk to someone who understands....do you??

Believe me Sarah, we understand!

I lost my Mom April 3, 2009 to CC.  I still miss her everyday. 

You will find that grieving will be the hardest thing you will ever do.  It will get easier but there is NO TIMETABLE for the process.  It's a little like the ebb and flow of the tides.  It's also intensely personal.  No two people will grieve alike or in the same timeframe.  I've had some very good friends tell me, "You need to just get over it, being sad won't bring her back." 

I am now remembering more of the good memories but I can still be derailed by simple things like passing someone in a store wearing my mom's perfume or hearing a song on the radio.

You will make your way through this process but be kind and gentle to yourself.  It's not a race and there are no rules.  You have to work through the process and you really have to just grieve.

We are all at various steps on this journey with CC but you can rest assured that we will all be willing to walk with you on your journey.  We're here for you.

Hugs to you and don't ever feel alone....

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: I just want to talk to someone who understands....do you??

Sarah, I completely understand where you are coming from.  Time being divided into "before mom was sick" and "after mom was sick" totally resonates with me.  In an instant the life you knew and expected is changed forever.  I think you are forced to mourn the loss of your hopes and wishes for the future.  After my mom died I was in a friends wedding and while the beautiful ceremony was going on all I could think was, I am never going to have this.  And I too often feel that others take their relationships for granted.  My hope is that I do not.  While my mother was here we made the most of the good days and bad days alike.  Hopefully having the support of others in your situation will help you feel less lonely.  I wish I had been looped into this resource when I was going through everything with my mom.