• kimmie
  • kimmie
  • Senior Member
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  • From: Maryland
  • Registered: Sun, 09 Aug 2009
  • Posts: 110

Topic: Need to VENT!!!!!!!!!

Mom's been on home hospice at my sister's house for almost 2 weeks now.  I have two kids in school and a work-from-home job, my sister has two youngsters and has cut her hours as a home hospice nurse to 2 days a week.  I'm here to help on Mondays during the day, on Tuesdays and stay overnight into Wednesdays.

My Mom has had more nausea the last 24 hours (Haldol helps), her confusion has increased a bit again today, and she's sleeping more and eating/drinking less.  My Dad, who has vascular dementia, is having a particularly bad day (meaning even more confused than usual).  We had the talk again about Mom's terminal diagnosis, and once again it was like it was the first time Dad heard the news.  He just keeps saying her wants to take her home, and I keep trying to explain why we can't.  Now he's worried that the nurse isn't coming til tomorrow, he's afraid she'll die today.  She's not close yet.

Between the two of my parents, I was up 8 or 9 times during the night.  To top it all off, I got a call earlier from the health room at my 6th grader's school that she's there with a bad tummy ache and needs to be picked up.  On her THIRD day of middle school!  I'm 30 minutes away, and couldn't get a hold of my father-in-law or neighbor to pick her up. ARGH!!!!!!!!!

Things did settle down, I eventually tracked down my neighbor and my daughter is safe and sound.  So I didn't have to leave my parents alone to go get her.  My sister will be home just in time for me to leave and meet my 4th grader at his bus stop.

But really, how much more can a family take?  I'm really having one of those "why God?" days, which I usually don't, or try not to have.  Sigh.

OK, Pity Party is over, we now resume our regular programming...

~Kim
my mother lost her 16 month battle with CC 9/26/10
"Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations as all other earthly causes combined."

kimmie's Website

  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,213

Re: Need to VENT!!!!!!!!!

OK...let's go do lunch!  A couple of Bloody Mary's , there now you should feel better. I am thinking you have every right to vent, you have earned it. I always tell my kids, when things look the worst, that is when they turn around and get better. Stay strong!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • From: Mooresville Indiana
  • Registered: Wed, 20 Jun 2007
  • Posts: 202

Re: Need to VENT!!!!!!!!!

Kim,

I am so sorry for what your family is going through.  I was in your position last year at this time.  Hospice started coming to our house at the end of August, and Mom passed away September 13th.  I know how you are torn in so many ways.  This is the hardest point of your life.  We are here for you.  I wish that I had the magical words to make things better, please come and vent anytime that you need us.

Love, Amy

  • kimmie
  • kimmie
  • Senior Member
  • Offline
  • From: Maryland
  • Registered: Sun, 09 Aug 2009
  • Posts: 110

Re: Need to VENT!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Lainy and Amy.  I sort of feel guilty even complaining.  It's not ME that has terminal cholangiocarcinoma, feeling weak and having nausea and sometimes feeling really confused.  And it's not ME that has dementia and is so confused all the time. 

About once a week I have these little pity parties all by myself, get a good cry out that night once everyone is in bed, and am good for another week or so.

My dear sweet friend and neighbor brought me a big bag of goodies from Whole Foods - sushi, gruyere cheese, fresh bread, hummus, a ready-to-cook meatloaf, fresh asparagus, a slice of carrot cake, cookies for the kids, and a bouquet of sunflowers.  Then my dear husband walked in about a half hour later from work with a fifth of gin and diet tonic.  So there are things and people (and distilleries) to be thankful for too!

~Kim
my mother lost her 16 month battle with CC 9/26/10
"Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations as all other earthly causes combined."

kimmie's Website

  • Pam
  • Champion
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  • Registered: Fri, 11 Jun 2010
  • Posts: 292

Re: Need to VENT!!!!!!!!!

You should not feel guilty venting and having private pity parties.  It sounds like you are a wonderful daughter.  It is not, by any means, easy to have two sick parents.  My story is that my mom was disabled first with a significant stroke.  She could not speak, walk, or use her right arm for six years.  My sister and I teach school and would go to my parents house and help every day.  Two years later and my dad is battling cc.  I just don't know what my sister and I would have done if this happened to my dad first.  We would have had so much more on our plates.  So with that said enjoy your food and husband's company.  We can all take one day at a time and be there as much as possible for our parents.  I've had those pity parties myself.