I am so sick of hearing about the holidays.  Today at work they sang I wish you a Merry Christmas, I couldn't I felt so unhappy inside.  One of my students brought me a present, and told me Merry Christmas, at told her the same, I told her she was the first person I had said that too.  It might the last I tell that to because I'm not happy, I'm not merry, I wish I just could sleep through the whole thing.  Losing my husband to cc this year and my mother 3 weeks ago, I AM NOT HAPPY.  Someone that I work with is coming back after Christmas, she got a cure for her cancer.  All these people with these cures, why not a cure for ours.  It is not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate


Oh Terry,

I know exactly how you are feeling.  It really is hard, especially at this time of year.  This is my third year without Jim and it still is hard to deal with most holidays and milestones.  It's hard to be smiling on the outside when you are so sad inside.  After losing Wayne and now your mom, I am sure this is doubly hard for you.  I have often said the same as you.  Why did this happen to us and why are others able to be cured.  There are no answers as to why.  Especially with CC.  It seems to treat everyone differently.  What may work for one person does not help another.  And yes, it is not fair, but unfortunately there is nothing we can do about it.  Try to remember all the good years and good times you had.  It won't replace what has been lost, but it does help a little.  With some people you may be able to be honest and tell them how you are feeling and they will understand.  For the rest, try smiling through your tears.  Unless they have been through something like this they will never understand.  And you know you can always come here and vent your feelings honestly as we all understand and we all care.  Try to be good to yourself.  Take care Terry and know that I am thinking of you.

Love & Hugs,

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.


Terry - It's ok not to say Merry Christmas. You might want to just say thank you. If you choose to sleep through the day - ok. You have to grieve your tremendous losses this year. Take time for you and remember Wayne and your love for him and your mom. I haven't baked a single thing this year and I'm a huge baker. Just not into it. I think my husband would like the smells around the house, so for his sake, I will try tomorrow. I understand how hard it is to "celebrate" when you feel that there is nothing to celebrate this year. Blessings to you and may you spend the day in the way that best meets your own needs. Blessings, Susan