Thank you all for your support here on this site...it means so much to me. I always took the good news from here and brought it too my mom. That was part of what kept her so hopeful. So many success stories. But not enough. Too many people have passed this week from this awful disease, and those are just what we know about. There are not even 2,000 on these blogs.
I have to say, I never expected my mom to go the way she did. Never expected her to have cancer, much less a rare one. Even on the day she died, I never expected it. I just took her shopping on Thursday. She was only able to shop for a half hour in a wheel chair, but she was determined to get new clothes (her hernia was getting too big). She even insisted that I drive an extra 30 minutes out of the way to make sure she picked up a birthday present for my husband.
What I expected was for her to slowly get more tired and eventually just be in a sleep state and pass that way...isn't that what happens??? After our eventful afternoon on monday when we almost lost her trying to move her to her bed, the 10 feet in the wheel chair was just too much for her, she passed out and started shallow breathing. Even the nurse who was there at the time said she was passing. However, I was not going to let my mom pass in a wheelchair...it just looked way too uncomfortable. When we got her on the bed, she slowly came back.
Right before she passed she had me on one side of her and my dad on the otherside of her. She didn't have any energy all day. but someone she got up enough energy to slightly lift and turn her head to tell us "Shhh", then she laid her head back down. My dad and I were looking at each other because neither of us were saying anything. My husband and daughter were in the other room, but they were sleeping. Then she did it again. She then asked my dad to lift her up and she said she couldn't breathe. I woke my husband and daughter and we were all able to be with her.
I still can't believe it...I keep waiting to hear her tell us, "I'm not sleeping, I never sleep. I'm only resting my eyes." Thats what she would say to use (usually yell it from another room) if we went to check on her and reported back to each other.
The day after my moms death, my daughter and I were driving home from my parents. We both saw something. My 15 year old daughter asked in a scared voice, "Mom, did you see that? What was it?" I started to cry uncontrollably, which scared her since I was driving. After I calmed down I told her, "That was a shooting star hun. That was grandma telling us she is okay." I'm not sure where you all live, but here in Los Angeles, you never see one. I have perhaps seen 2 in my 40+ years here.
I hope that was a sign from her and I will continue to believe it was. I can't believe I don;t have a mom anymore. Making these plans were so tough. I always go to my mom for advice. I don't know who I am going to check on everyday.
Thank you all for listening.