Topic: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

I write to let you know that Jim died last Friday, 30 March 2012. I have not posted much on this site but visited it nearly every day since Jim was diagnosed. I thank you all for having the generosity of spirit to share your experiences, to encourage strength and courage in others, to research and share your knowledge and to give freely of your love and compassion to strangers who are battling CC.

In those first few days after diagnosis when I was frantic, shocked and desperately searching for information this site calmed me down and gave me the knowledge I needed to care for Jim. Your stories, practical help and even just the acknowledgement that we existed helped me enormously. I don't know where you all get the strength from to so generously help others but thank you, thank you, thank you.

Jim was diagnosed with intrahepatic cc Sep last year after many tests to discover the reason for a persistant cough. He had 4 rounds of gem/cis 3 weeks on, 1 week off until scans showed new growths and we made the decision to cease treatment. Jim was still enjoying life, familty, friends and fishing made his days happy. He had a brilliant attitude and our days were joyful, not sad. I tried to keep in mind Lainy's advice - make memories - it was of course, hard at times but we just took each day at a time.

Because of his mets to lymph nodes in his chest and the size of the tumour pressing on his diaphragm, it became increasingly hard for Jim to breathe. In the last month he also experienced fluid build up in his legs. Last week he was admitted to hospital to address the fluid build up. We including our doctors thought he would be in for a few days and then come home. But Jim started to feel severe chest pain whenever he moved and the doctors suspected his heart was being compromised, so they did tests but could not find anything definitive. The night that he died he happily entertained visitors and I left him at 10pm sleeping peacefully. At 4am he had a massive coronary and could not be revived. The doctors could not tell me exactly why he had a heart attack without an autopsy (which I declined). There was no indication that he was in serious danger at that time and they were as shocked and saddened as I was.

It was so shocking, so unfair but now I'm starting to feel happy that he left us so quickly. He didn't have to endure a lot of pain or indignity and I am thankful for that. He would tell everyone that he had had a great life and that he was lucky. We were lucky we got to live our lives with him. I know I still can't believe that he wont come home again. What will we do without him?

To those fighting and winning against this disease I am fighting with you. I hope and wish for you all to live well and happy. Again, thank you for this site and thank you to all the special people who contribute to it.

Love and miss you Jimmy.
Elsie
(Sorry this is such a long email.)

Re: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

Hi,
With deep sorrow  for what you had experienced and heart felt message that you wrote above; I  am sure all of the  efforts by each of us,caregivers,like you; patients like me and moderator like Lainy(the poet) ,Marion and Gavin and others  members will not be in vain.
May the Love of Christ,the Grace of God and the Fellowship of the Holy Spirit be always be with you.
God bless.

Please know that my personal opinion is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. If  provided, information are for educational purposes.Consult doctor is a MUST for changing of treatment plans.

Re: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

Elsie-what an inspirationall women, my heart breaks for you.  Your attitude will help all of us going through this fight. Thank you for all your kudos about this site. I know for my self this site is way I can give back  and honor my donors and doctors.
Lots of prayers and hugs-Cathy

Re: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

Dearest Elsie,

I am so very sorry to hear of Jim's passing. I know he gave it a good fight and now is at peace in heaven. You always had nice, encouraging words for me about my Lauren and I thank you. Take care my sweet Aussie friend, and I wish you happiness in your life.

Love, -Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

Dear Elsie, I am so very sorry about Jim, but I agree that he does not have to suffer any longer. The Patient and the Caregiver just seem to sense when the time has come. You were by his side for a journey no one wants a ticket for and in time, lots of time, you will begin to live your new normal. It's been 1 year and 4 months and there are still times, when nothing really sets me off but the tears just kind of slide down my cheeks. Teddy is all around me, I just feel it, and I hope you will see Jim around you too.

If I should be the first to go,
And leave you alone, my Dear,
Let not your heart be lonely,
Nor in your eyes a tear.
Grieve not for me, my Darling,
I’ll not be far away,
With petals of love and tenderness,
I’ll pave for you the way.
To join me in our sanctuary,
And ne’er again we’ll part.
Grieve not for me, my Darling,
I live within your heart.
Take joy again in living,
As you did in years gone by;
God knows what of he’s doing,
And not be questioned why.
Grieve not for me, my Darling,
My life with you on earth
Each moment filled with happiness,
And love so few be worth.
I’ll be waiting for you Sweetheart
Where skys are ever blue,
With eager heart and open arms
Patiently, for you.
Grieve not for me, my Darling,
May faith and my love keep.
Your soul filled with contentment
Eternally, I sleep.                                 By Mary Harris

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

Dear Elsie,

I am so sorry to hear that Jim has passed.  My husband was another Jim who lost the battle to this disease.  Yes, we can take some comfort in the fact they did not have to suffer for a long time and that they no longer are suffering or in pain.  They will always be with us in our hearts and memories.   My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad time. 

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

Dear Elsie,

I am so very sorry indeed to hear of the passing of Jim. Please accept my sincere condolences. I wish that there was something that I could say that would help right now, but please know that my thoughts are with you and your family right now.

Hugs,

Gavin

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

Elsie:  I'm so very sorry to hear of your Jim's passing.  I know full well what you are going through.  I lost my husband Tom on 11/20/11 from CC.  We have way too many people from this site leaving us.  We need to get those big companies to start doing more research on this cancer and hopefully they can find a cure someday soon so that we do not have to loose so many of our friends and loved ones!

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  Hang in there.
Hugs,
Margaret

Re: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

Dear Elsie,
I am so sorry to hear of the lossof your dear husband. I wish your story had a different ending.
My thoughts are with you tonight.
Take good care of yourself.
Chrissy

Re: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

Elsie;

I am so sorry to hear about Jim.  I don't know any of the people on this board, but that does  not stop the sorrow I feel when I hear of another passing.  Jim's body perhaps was so weakened with the illness that his heart could not be stong.  I still cannot believe how fast the illness took my Mom.  I joined the site when Mom got sick and still visit daily.  The people who fight, the people who give advise,  the people that have hope and all the love that is shared.  I wanted my Mom to live longer and I know you wanted that  for Jim.  We couldn't make that happen, but we loved them.
Bless you and your family.

Re: Jim's passing 30 March 2012

Elsie -

You have helped many in telling Jim's story. As I often tell my own patients, choosing to stop treatment requires incredible bravery. It sounds to me like the cancer led to his death, but did not take his life. He lived his life nobly until the end - there are lessons in that for so many others fighting this disease, and for those of us trying to care for them.

I will be thinking of you. My best to you and your family.

Chris Sonnenday
University of Michigan