Topic: Jim's passing 30 March 2012
I write to let you know that Jim died last Friday, 30 March 2012. I have not posted much on this site but visited it nearly every day since Jim was diagnosed. I thank you all for having the generosity of spirit to share your experiences, to encourage strength and courage in others, to research and share your knowledge and to give freely of your love and compassion to strangers who are battling CC.
In those first few days after diagnosis when I was frantic, shocked and desperately searching for information this site calmed me down and gave me the knowledge I needed to care for Jim. Your stories, practical help and even just the acknowledgement that we existed helped me enormously. I don't know where you all get the strength from to so generously help others but thank you, thank you, thank you.
Jim was diagnosed with intrahepatic cc Sep last year after many tests to discover the reason for a persistant cough. He had 4 rounds of gem/cis 3 weeks on, 1 week off until scans showed new growths and we made the decision to cease treatment. Jim was still enjoying life, familty, friends and fishing made his days happy. He had a brilliant attitude and our days were joyful, not sad. I tried to keep in mind Lainy's advice - make memories - it was of course, hard at times but we just took each day at a time.
Because of his mets to lymph nodes in his chest and the size of the tumour pressing on his diaphragm, it became increasingly hard for Jim to breathe. In the last month he also experienced fluid build up in his legs. Last week he was admitted to hospital to address the fluid build up. We including our doctors thought he would be in for a few days and then come home. But Jim started to feel severe chest pain whenever he moved and the doctors suspected his heart was being compromised, so they did tests but could not find anything definitive. The night that he died he happily entertained visitors and I left him at 10pm sleeping peacefully. At 4am he had a massive coronary and could not be revived. The doctors could not tell me exactly why he had a heart attack without an autopsy (which I declined). There was no indication that he was in serious danger at that time and they were as shocked and saddened as I was.
It was so shocking, so unfair but now I'm starting to feel happy that he left us so quickly. He didn't have to endure a lot of pain or indignity and I am thankful for that. He would tell everyone that he had had a great life and that he was lucky. We were lucky we got to live our lives with him. I know I still can't believe that he wont come home again. What will we do without him?
To those fighting and winning against this disease I am fighting with you. I hope and wish for you all to live well and happy. Again, thank you for this site and thank you to all the special people who contribute to it.
Love and miss you Jimmy.
(Sorry this is such a long email.)