LD - I am so sorry for your loss. It is always so sad to read about another person losing their battle with this horrible disease. I know how difficult this time is for you and your family and hope you can get some comfort from this site and in knowing there are others who understand what you are going through and who care.
A few years ago, most of us hadn't even heard the word cholangiocarcinoma, and now it is a word that will be a part of our vocabulary forever. I hate the word and, most of all, I hate what it's done to me, my family, and so many others. I lost my wonderful husband of almost 40 years on March 5, 2007. Like everyone else who has experienced a loss such as this, I have been riding the roller coaster of grief...okay and thinking I can do this one minute, and overcome with sadness and loss the next. It can happen anywhere and in an instant you are consumed with sadness and such deep longing. I always say that I don't miss my husband, I "long" for him--it is such a deep and hurting ache.
One of the hardest parts for me now has been finding people I can talk to about Dan--and believe me, I love and need to talk about him all the time. Of course, everyone was supportive and caring immediately after Dan died, but since then, it seems they are uncomfortable with the subject and rarely, if ever, mention him. And if I should talk about him, I can immediately sense how uncomfortable they are. I now have only a few people I can talk to about Dan. Everyone else wants to pretend he never existed, or think I should be "getting over it" by now. After all, it's been almost a whole 10 months!
I found a wonderful poem on a grief website not long ago that, I think, responds to this beautifully and I'd like to share it (sorry--the writer is unknown):
GETTING OVER IT
It's been two years, you should be over it.
What exactly is "IT?"
I'll tell you what "IT" is...
IT is his birthday, but there is no him.
IT is realizing you'll never again see his beautiful eyes or his beautiful smile.
IT is April 15 and you sign "filing as surviving spouse"--surviving, yes...living, no.
IT is people forgetting and you cry.
IT is people remembering and you cry.
IT is remembering and you cry.
IT is your wedding anniversary and for the first time you really understand the words, "till death do us part."
IT is in the first glimpse of sunrise and in your last waking breath, and even finds ways to creep into your sleep and your dreams.
So, maybe when someone tells you that you should be over IT by now, you should just tell them what "IT" really is.
L.E.--the best advice I can give you is to let yourself grieve as much and for as long as you need to. Know that there is healing in your tears and sadness, as hard and as painful as it may be, you need to feel and go through the grief in order to fully heal. Don't rush your grief and don't let others give you a time table for it. Everyone grieves differently. When you can, take joy in the memories and all you had. And most importantly, remember and be comforted in knowing that you will one day be together again forever. Thank God for this!
With prayers for you and your family,