1 (edited by Maria Sat, 25 Aug 2012 07:59:29)

Topic: What do I do now???

I feel like in a crossroad at the moment..... If anyone has any thougths I would appreciate it.

This past tuesday I was supposed to have my 38th round of iv chemo, and my 7th GemCis since the 6 month break I had Jan-June.
I had to start chemo again since my silent tumors had started growing again after a chemoembolization that didn't do any good.
When I took this break (after 18 months on chemo) it was after listening to my very strong inner voice telling me I needed it. I was doing good really, but having this feeling it was harming me.
Looking back this was a good decision, but having the embo wasn't.

So now after 6 rounds of chemo I just couldn't take another one... My white bloodcount hasn't recovered well lately, I suppose my bonemarrow is getting tired. This is the only objective sign. The rest is a feeling.
I couldn't sleep two nights before going to the hospital for the chemo, didn't now why. Then the day before I was just crying the whole day, and it came to my mind that I didn't want the chemo. I just felt NOOOOO.
I went there anyway, and my WBC was exactly enough for chemo. But when the nurse was about to connect it, I just couldn't do it. Started to cry just by seeing it. And I'm NOT someone crying a lot.
So I went home. Feeling better and better these last days, happy again, singing.
Now on Monday it's time for MRI, and then doctor's appointment.
But, they always leave it so much up to me to decide. Because they don't have any good ideas at this point. This is Sweden, so there's no insurence-problem whith treatments.
I just don't now what to do. There are no other hospitals or doctors I can go to, this country is very small, we only hace 300 cases of CC/year.
I know I now have to wait for results and to speak to the doctor, but it is so hard to know what to do at this point. I know you can't go on with chemo forever, then chemo will kill you in the end, at least GemCis.

Thanks for listening!

No matter whether you think that you can, or that you can´t, you´re right
//Henry Ford

Re: What do I do now???

Maria, I think you made the right choice to take a break from GemCis. I know it's very toxic. It took just a couple of cycles for my wife to become very depressed. She cried after each treatment. She just could not help it. I think GemCis played nasty tricks with her mind. She took an extra week break between 5th and 6th cycles, at the urging of her oncologist. The short break made a big difference to how she felt.

Maria, don't feel bad about taking a break. Take time off to heal your mind and body. As you know, chemo keeps working for a while after you stop it.

Best of luck with your MRI results on Monday. Please let us know what options the doctors present to you.

Re: What do I do now???

Maria, I vote with Eli. Chemo does keep on tick'n for a while. Wait (i KNOW IT'S TOUGH) to see the Scan results. We will all be waiting right with you!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: What do I do now???

Thank you Eli and Lainy!!!! Did my MRI this morning, and now the results have to go through a bunch of doctors before it reaches me... That's how it works here.
Again, thank you so much for support!!

No matter whether you think that you can, or that you can´t, you´re right
//Henry Ford

Re: What do I do now???

Maria...chiming in a bit late, but wanted you to know that I am sending tons of good wishes your way.  Fingers are crossed too.