Topic: my husband and best friend

My husband was diagnosed with Cancer 3 weeks ago.  We thought he had a torn shoulder muscle.  Than a week ago we were told it was CC and that he has 6-8 months to live.  It has already spread from his liver to his lung and his shoulder.  We went for radiation every day last week, it was supposed to help relieve some of his pain, and that hasn't happened yet.  He doesn't want to talk and I don't know what to do for him.

Re: my husband and best friend

Lynda - so sad to hear about your husband;  although no two cases are exactly alike, his symptoms sound so similar to Sam's.   Sam took radiation several times to the chest and shoulder area in addition to various pain medications.
If you need to ask me any specific questions, please feel free to send me an e-mail.
I'll be glad to offer whatever advice I can - bejohnson@rocktenn.com.   My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Betty Johnson

Re: my husband and best friend

I am sure you are doing your best for him and that your husband knows it. I can not stress how much seeing a psychologist has helped me. CC is very scary and sometimes hard to talk about with loved ones. I am sorry you and your family are having this experience.

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: my husband and best friend

Thank you Kris,  Home Care is starting tomorrow and I think that they have psychologists on staff.  I agree about it being hard to talk about to loved ones.  When any of our family or friends call I never know what to say.  I don't want to burden them with my grief.  So I try to sound upbeat and positive on the phone at all times, when really inside it feels like my heart is breaking.

Re: my husband and best friend

So sorry to hear about your husband. You must both feel very scared. It is really hard to talk to people, but it's good if you can. Here of course, you will read, is a good place to vent whatever you can't get out elsewhere. But if you can pick just a couple of people in your everyday life to share this with, it will help you beyond belief. I wish you both well.

Re: my husband and best friend

Thank you everyone.  Does anyone know what to do about the nausea?  The last few days have been absolute hell for Roger.  Today he started vomitting.  He started taking Stemetil yesterday, but so far it hasn't helped.  I've given him a glass of flat ginger ale, and offered him soda biscuits.  Does anyone have any suggestions?

7 (edited by marions Wed, 03 Oct 2007 15:06:35)

Re: my husband and best friend

The nausea and vomiting were the most difficult for us to control when my husband was battling this disease.  We tried Prilosec , Kytril and other acid reducers and at times we felt to have found the answer with one or the other, but inadvertently, it would return. 

Before any ingestion of food (

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: my husband and best friend

Dear Marions, thank you so much.  I am so sorry that your husband had to go thru also.  But I thank you for your help.  I will write down the meds and try the no fats rule on these days.  Again thank you.

9 (edited by marions Fri, 05 Oct 2007 11:55:29)

Re: my husband and best friend

You are welcome.  Just hoping it helps.  Keep us posted.

Wishing for the absolute best
Marions

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: my husband and best friend

so sorry to hear about your husband. When my husband was battling cc, he had to be on a TPN bag every night. He didn't eat for three months, because he vomited everything he took in.  I even injected  medications into the bag each night and it still didn't help.  This is such a vicious cancer and I am so sorry you are going through this.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Sandy

Re: my husband and best friend

I am so sorry for you and your husband.  I am actually sorry for anyone who has to bear going through this experience.  Unfortunately,  I think  the violent episodes of vomiting were the worst thing my husband had to endure.  No matter what meds we tried, home remedies, etc we were unable to control it and I felt so helpless watching him.   He eventually lost his appetite and he did not eat anything substantial for 7 weeks.  His last bite was 1 bite of cranberry salad on Thanksgiving.  He passed away 2 days after Christmas.  He did not drink for 21 days.  The hospice doctors were amazed.  His heart was so strong, he made it to Christmas like he said he would. I just wish someone could have received his heart as a donor.

I miss him .....

I think my best advice for a family dealing with this is to just let the patient do absolutely whatever he/she wants to.  That is the last bit of control they have left.

Once again, I am sorry for you and your family.
Terri

Re: my husband and best friend

Hi Terry, What is a TPN bag?  If he didn't eat for three months, is TPN some kind of intravenous?  I am very sorry to each and every one of us going through this.  Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.  We will take each and every one that is offered.
Lynda

Re: my husband and best friend

i'm sorry that last message was for Sandy.  Blame it on my confused mind.

Re: my husband and best friend

Hi Terry, Your thoughts hit extremely close to home for me.  The first thing Roger said to me after the doctor told us the news was "Well at least I'll be here for Christmas"  He seems to be going down hill so fast, I just don't know.  My heart is absolutely breaking for him, he is on so much meds that he doesn't seem to be aware, that he has lost over 26 pounds and almost all of his muscle tone.  The least little bit of exertion makes him shake so much, I can't watch anymore because I just want to cry and he says that if I cry, than I beleive the doctors when they say that he will die.

Re: my husband and best friend

I am sad to hear all of this.  Ken was given 6 months to live at the end of Aug and was with us for 4 months.  He went directly to hospice from the last visit at Stanford.  Hospice was wonderful!!!  Thank God there are people out there who love to do that.  The difference with Home Care and Hospice is that hospice basically makes you comfortable and does no life lengthing care.  Therefore, there is no TPN- which is Total Parenteral Nutrition- food source through an IV. They brought a hospital bed which made a world of difference in Ken's comfort for sleeping.  They have massage therapists, spiritual therapists, CNA's to help with bathing, foot massages, etc. ( I am a nurse so I preferred to do everything myself but it is a VERY physical and emotionally taxing job. ) One thing I was thankful for is that towards the end, Ken had such a buildup of ammonia in his brain, he wasn't feeling any pain.  It was sad because he wasn't really with us.  He was able to turn his head towards me whenever myself or my daughters would enter or leave the room.   The last month I was able to take off of work and be with him,  I even slept in that twin hospital bed with him til the end.  I am glad I did that because I was with him when he passed away.

Sorry, if I am rambling on, but I try to type through the tears.

Re: my husband and best friend

You can check out Ken's site at Hembree.us

17 (edited by TheWestwoodGardener Mon, 08 Oct 2007 06:43:33)

Re: my husband and best friend

Hi Terri, Ramble all you want my dear.  You are definintely entitled.  I love Ken's website.  We have dial up out here, and everything takes a while to download.  Tomorrow I will look through your daughters'.  Ken looked like he loved you all and his life very much.  You must miss him alot.  You shed as many tears as you need to. I did all through your letter and his website.  I am so glad that you were blessed enough to be with him when he passed.  I was with my husbands father, when he died, and you are probably going to think this is crazy, but it was the most beautiful thing in the world.  I could see him slowly come to, he looked up, he looked down, and he looked from side to side, than he looked straight ahead and got a very peaceful smile on his face and passed over.  Death is never easy, but to me, it seemed like he could see his angels come for him, and that was a very comforting thought for me.
My heart goes out to you.

Re: my husband and best friend

Hi Lynda,
TPN is called Total Parental Nutrition. It is made specifically for that patient.  It contains just about everything in breast milk and then some. My husbands was made in Baltimore and shipped to New Castle, DE. It had everything he needed and then some, to get all the calories and nutrition he needed. It went into a vein into his chest. I hooked it up every night and it ran for 12 hours. I had to inject insulin into the bag, aciphex, and  two different types of vitamins. He gained 12 lbs those three months, but in the end the cancer was just too extensive. He initially lost 20 lbs. He was only 52 and my 18 year old daughter is having a very hard time. He died one month before her 18th birthday and 6 weeks before her high school graduation from ST. Elizabeths High. My other kids are 29 and 30, and they seem to be holding their own.
I will pray for a good outcome for your family. How old is your husband Lynda?
They told me my husband had four to nine months - he died in three.
You are in my heart and prayers.
Sandy

Re: my husband and best friend

Hi Lynda- my heart goes out to you and your husband. I lost my precious Dad at 69 this year on January 13th, only 10 weeks after diagnosis. His cancer was at stage 4 and he had extensive metastatis to the bone.

I know you will find many useful resources on this site. Most importantly, you will find comfort and support from those who walked a similar path. 

Prayers going out to you, your husband and your family.  Your love and support will be the best medicine for him.  I was honoured to walk along side my Dad on his journey, as was my mom.  As heartbreaking as the journey was, I take great comfort in having been there until the end.  It will be your presence, I believe, that will be the most significant way you can support him.

Thinking of you and hoping for the best,

Missing U

Re: my husband and best friend

Hi Sandy, 
I just can't imagine what you've all been through.  Were you scared when you first started to do his TPN?  I am so afraid that I am physically going to hurt  Roger by giving him needles and whatever else he is going to need.

My husband turned 50 this past June.  He had retired from GM one year ago July.  He has always been as healthy as a horse.  He is the strongest man that I know.  He is one of those strong silent types.  You know the type that you figure will always be around to protect you?  I just knew that I never had to worry when he was home.  He would never let anything happen to me.

Now it's my turn to be strong for him. 

We have three children.  Roger Jr is 28, Shantel is 26 and Tawnie is 23.  We have one grandchild Beau, he is 2 years old.

My heart goes out to your daughter.  Every baby girl needs her dad.  Hopefully with your support, her siblings, her friends and maybe councilling she will pull through this hard time.  Please give her a large hug from me.

Lynda

Re: my husband and best friend

Hi Missing You,

I am so very sorry for you loss.

I am extremely happy for you though that you were able to with your Dad through this.

It is very frightening how fast this disease spreads.

Thank you for your comforting words and thoughts.
Lynda

Re: my husband and best friend

Hi Sandy, your story touched me deeply.  I've been coming to this site off and on since end of May this year when husband dx with stage 4 cc.  My heart just breaks for you and your family, especially your 18 year old daughter.  We also have younger children.  Charlie is 52 and our kids are 19 and 16.  Like the majority of cc patients, we were pretty much given no hope, just chemo with Gemzar for 14 weeks until a consult at UNC caught a surgeon's interest there who felt he could do something to help.  That's where we are now going towards left lobectomy.  He also was given 6 months which would be around T'giving and Christmas this year.  Thank God for the surgeon's interest.  I think we're going to beat the 6 months and hopefully go longer.  I can't imagine being 16, a boy, Ben who's so close to his Dad losing him at that age and my daughter who's a "Daddy's girl" as I'm sure your daughter was too. I pray that will be a long ways off. 

Love, comfort and peace to you and your family,
Carol

Re: my husband and best friend

I am new to  this site.  My husband of 20 years, my best friend, my everything, my Jon, just passed away on Sept. 15 from this horrible disease.  He was diagnosed on August 10 and died 36 days later.  I am so devastated I can barely survive each day.  He's been gone for 41 days and every day is worse.  It was such a short battle and he was in so much pain, how do people continue with their lives?  I am lost.

Re: my husband and best friend

Dear lost in Ohio, I am so sorry for your lost.  Please feel free to post in our grief management section.  There are several wives and Mom's going through the lost of a loved one who would certainly be willing to listen and share with you some advice and experiences.  Again, my sincere condolences of your lost.
God Bless You,
Jeff G.

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)

Re: my husband and best friend

Dear Lost in Ohio - I ditto what Jeff has said.  I wish I could say something majiq that would make your hurt go away; I wish you could do the same for me.  We are all here for each other; you can find most of our e-mail addresses and all of our stories on this wonderful site.  Browse through the grief section and I'm sure you will find a posting there that will touch your heart and be of some comfort.  So very sorry for your loss but be confident that God knows our hurt, our pain, our loneliness and He weeps when we weep.  We are not alone.  God Bless
Betty