• Registered: Thu, 01 Mar 2007
  • Posts: 33

Topic: mums birthday

20th of oct. would av been my mums 53rd birthday, its been nearly6 mnths since we lost her so we have come up with the idea of having a family celebration of mums life, the only problem is there is just one person in the family that disagrees although she just an in law, the question is wot we doing is it wrong and morbid like the person stated my mum was full of life and i no this is what she wud av loved but does other ppls opinion really matter?? all comments welcum, i love u and miss u mum   a big hug and happy birthday for next sat xxxxxx

  • From: Indiana, USA
  • Registered: Mon, 02 Jul 2007
  • Posts: 157

Re: mums birthday

I knew I had to answer your post as soon as I saw it.  Today is my 50th birthday, and I am pleased as all get-out to have made it to this milestone.  I have thought of such things as funerals and death recently, and I do know that I would want my funeral to be one that celebrates my life, not mourns my death. I have enjoyed my life and I have done many things I am very proud of and there is absolutely no reason not to celebrate your mum's life and all that she accomplished.

Laughter, humor and love...how can that be bad? Yes, I know your mum is gone, but only physically from this earth. Spiritually, she will be in your heart forever. She would want you to remember all the good things that have happened and the reason for her life...YOU.

Family pressure and disagreement is always hard to deal with. Just be strong and remember your mum and all the joy she brought to your life and you will know what to do.

And what a wonderful way to tell her you love her still!

Today is a new day. Congratulations, you are already a survivor!

scragots's Website

  • From: Westwood
  • Registered: Sun, 30 Sep 2007
  • Posts: 18

Re: mums birthday

I think that this would be a lovely way to honor your mothers life.  Whoever doesn't agree with you doesn't have to show up.

Death affects different people in different ways.

I used to be one of those people that thought it was goulish to have a celebration of life.  Thankfully I have changed.  I used to feel that it was celebrating someones death, until I finally grew up and went to a 'Celebration of Life" party.  There were photos everywhere of my friends mom with all different people and time periods throughout her life.  It was lovely listening to all of the memories that these photos brought back.  They were playing her favorite kind of music and eating her favorite foods.

Now I understand what a 'Celebration of Life' party really is.

Have fun and remember all of the good and bad.

Lynda

  • Registered: Sat, 25 Aug 2007
  • Posts: 144

Re: mums birthday

ditto ditto!  Absolutely you should celebrate your mum's life, what a tribute to her!  And don't tell me that she won't be looking down from heaven smiling and raising a glass to you all!  I hope the relative who is balking at this finds the peace she is looking for, she is obviously a troubled soul.

PS< Happy Birthday Scragots!  I hope you do something fun and decadent for your birthday, my 50th was a blast, we had a luau in my front yard, roasted pig and all!

  • Registered: Sat, 09 Dec 2006
  • Posts: 514

Re: mums birthday

Hi Carolann,
I agree with you and with everyone else on this board - a celebration of your mother's life is the right thing to do. You'll also be mourning and missing her, but what else would you do on her birthday? Would it be better to sit around alone thinking of her and being sad, or getting together with others to remember how special she was? My mother's 65th birthday was a month after she died, and a few special family members and friends got together at her house like we used to (it wasn't cleared out yet), we made a big dinner, had a birthday cake with her name on it, sang happy birthday (okay, that part really choked me up), and let my daughter release a balloon in the sky as a message of love to Mom. Then we watched video clips of her and laughed and cried. It was sad but it was joyful because it was the closest thing to having her there with us. 

I felt that if we didn't acknowledge her birthday, it was like saying we didn't remember her and didn't care. It's a wonderful way to spend the day thinking of her in a positive way without being told you should get over it - just a day to wallow in your grief, your wonderful memories and share them with others. It's much better and more therapeutic than a funeral, which can be completely sad.

In the end, I always ask "What would Mom have wanted me to do?" and I know she would have wanted a big party for her loved ones, as Scragots said (happy birthday to you, Scragots!) So, what would your Mum have wanted?  That's all that matters - and what YOU want, too.

I miss my mum so much, too.
Joyce

  • Registered: Thu, 01 Mar 2007
  • Posts: 33

Re: mums birthday

wow a big thanku to all the replies i was touched and shed a few tears ( happy birthday scraggots) well the idea is for family and mums close friends to celebrate her life  remember the good all days smile laugh and cry. mum wud av loved it she was the life n sole of a party and with out her it wouldnt av been a party, i no she will be there she wouldnt miss a party lol, well thnks so much every one for ur comments i guess it will go ahead and heres hoping it goes well am sure it will smile

  • Registered: Sat, 13 May 2006
  • Posts: 188

Re: mums birthday

Party away love..............you KNOW it makes sense!! What a wonderful idea!