Topic: It will be one year tomorrow...

since I lost my best friend, companion, and true soul mate ,my husband Tom.  It's hard to believe that I've made it a whole year without him. I miss him more every day but I can deal with the grief much better. As someone told me after his passing," it won't necessarily get better but it gets lighter." It has gotten lighter. I see him in my surroundings , I think of him all of the time, I still talk to him and feel his presence, but the sadness has lifted somewhat. I wish I could just sit with him in the mornings and drink our coffee and talk like we used to or cuddle up with him on these cold fall nights, take walks together with my pup or hang out and just watch a movie or go for a drive. I miss my husband. I miss being a wife. I never really wanted to be single and it's hard to get used to. I really miss his voice. I watch videos just to see him and remember his voice. It makes me cry but it also makes me feel better. It's been a really tough year for me besides just losing Tom. My grand finale has been having my left knee replaced on Oct. 30. I'm doing well, I just want to be 100 % again and be able to go for walks and get around and get things done. I hate depending on others.My youngest came home from Thailand a week ago so he's living with me now. It's been good having him here. I am actually looking forward to next year. I'm going to try and force myself to become more social. I work at home so I need to get out and make new friends! I've checked into some volunteer programs and some church related singles groups that I might attend. Hopefully I won't chicken out. It's really hard to think about starting over with a new life after all of these years!
   I hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving. I've managed to get out of cooking this year. My daughter is having all of us, including my parents and widowed brother and his kids, so I think we'll have a good time. Take care all, Love, Mary

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Hi Mary!

It is so good to hear from you. I am glad to hear you are doing better. I can't believe it has already been a year. I am really happy that you are healing nicely from your knee surgery. I have thought of you every now and then and wondered how you were. I hope you do get out and meet some new friends. You are so sweet, I am sure you will have no trouble. Have a Happy Thanksgiving and thanks for the update. I know we had been planning to meet for lunch or dinner sometime and I am still hoping for that one day in the future. Take care and God bless you.

Love, -Pam

My beautiful daughter, Lauren Patrice, will live on in my heart forever.

My comments, suggestions, and opinions are based on my experience as a caretaker for my daughter, Lauren and from reading anything I can get my hands on about Cholangiocarcinoma. Please consult a physician for professional guidance.

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Hello Mary, what a beautiful Post, you feel exactly as I do, I couldn't have said it better. I am so proud of you, Mary, perhaps you don't realize how far you have come. It's great that you have a son who returned home and is living with you. I am making Thanksgiving, it is my favorite Holiday and I have 10 coming. I hope our boys are celebrating together with tons of others! If you don't mind I am posting a poem I wrote a year ago called, "How Am I Doing", I love you lots and if you want to warm up when the snow starts, come out here!

How Are You Doing?
Everyone asks me how I’m doing since you went away,
With a smile on my face I answer, “I really am okay”.
Matter of fact its very hard but I promised to be strong,
Until the time we meet again, in your arms where I belong.

In the morning when I wake, once where there was warmth all night,
There’s nothing but an empty space and a pillow to hold tight.   
Our closet now holds all my clothes it still looks kind of strange,
I try to make it look like more and constantly rearrange.

When I’m in the kitchen and working at the sink,
Many times I stop and this is what I think…..
If Teddy was here he’d grab me to give a little cue,
That he was about to hug me and say his, “I love you”.

No more are the corny jokes that grew longer by the year,
What I wouldn’t give now for just once more, any one to hear.
When someone calls, your message is still kept on the phone,
That way no one knows I am really home alone. 

When day is over and dinner is eaten by one, 
No more thank you-s for the meal well done.
Can’t find anyone to cream or scratch my back
There’s just a big hole here, a hole of midnight black.

But, how am I doing? I’m doing okay,
I know that you would want it that way.
And I know you are with me morning to night,
Still watching over me, that every things all right!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Loved your post Mary, and your poem Lainy.

Almost two years after Kris I recognise almost all of it. Especially that part about it getting lighter... I like that.

Hugs
/Hans

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Oh Hans, it is so good to see you! It will be 2 years for me too Dec. 6th. I cannot believe how the time flies. I believe that You, Mary and I can talk about "things lightening up" as all 3 of us were lucky to have that special love we never thought we could live without. And look how we are surviving, just how our loved ones would want us to. We all sure miss our wonderful Kris and hope you are doing well.

   •    I wish heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again.     
•    I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
•    I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
•    I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
•    All I have are memories and pictures in a frame.
•    Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part.
•    God has you in his arms...I have you in my heart

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Wow!  Good to hear from you Mary and also Hans.  I have to say I feel much the same as all of you.   It has been 4 years for me and although I miss Jim so very much I like the word lighter.  Yes, it does seem to get lighter.  The pain & sadness are lighter and the memories are still there to comfort me when I am feeling down.   None of us really wanted or expected to be single and alone, but we are all stronger than we think we are and we can do this, dealing with whatever life brings us, one day at a time.  smile  Everyone take care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Mary, I echo all that you said so beautifully. I am so glad to hear your looking forward to the future. Hopefully that knee will catch up to you soon! Hugs. Nancy

Loving my husband from afar.

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Hi Mary,
Hard to believe it's been a year.  Glad to hear from you.  It's been several years since my parents and brother died and the grief has gotten easier to bear but I still think about them all of the time.  I think you are doing a tremendous job of trying to get your life back together.  Glad your son is staying with you. 

Hi Hans,
Glad to see your post.  Hope you are doing well. 

hugs to you both,
Betsy

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Mary..just wanted to chime in and tell you how nice it is to see your lovely posting.  I wish for your heart and knee to heal...one day at a time.
Hugs,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Thanks for all of your responses. It's good to hear from all of you, ecspecially you, Hans. I'm glad you are still checking in with us. It really is hard to believe it's been two years since Kris and Teddy left us. I miss them too and think about all of our lost friends often. I don't necessarily want to wish my life away but there are times that I'm glad the time is flying. I have absolutely no fear of dying because I know I'll see Tom again, my main fear is of being dependent on my kids. I'm really happy to be doing so well a month out from my surgery. It was so hard trying to arrange people to be here with me, mainly to take care of my crazy dog/pup. When you have a spouse you just take for granted the fact that someone is there to help you when you need it. When you're alone it requires a lot of planning ahead. My parents want to help but they're getting so old. My Dad is 86 but still wants to do what he can. I told them it's crazy that I'm 55 and still have to check in with my parents or they worry about me! Who would have thought that things would turn out this way?  Lainey, I would love to head out your way. One of these days I'm going to do it! I love your poem too. All of us that have lost a loved one share the same feelings. We all have different personal moments that we miss but we all share the feeling of loss and sadness. I've tried to tell other new widows that it does get easier. They look at me in disbelief sometimes just like I probably did a year ago when I was told the same thing, but it honestly does. The memories help get you through the tough days. I'm so happy that I am lucky enough to have so many good memories. My kids and I laugh a lot when we think of all the corny things Tom used to say. I actually hear myself saying them sometimes and it makes me laugh! Take care everyone and Pamela and Betsy I would still like to get together sometime. I hope everyone is doing well. I still don't have a computer or internet so I have a hard time keeping up with all the news here. Best wishes to all.  Love Mary

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Dearest Mary, you are such a good example of the saying, "life goes on" and it does and I agree with all the emotions you have expressed. I can be happy as a lark and then one day the tears just start flowing, not for long, but they come for no apparent reason. I too have said I have no death wish and am not afraid but I can't wait until Teddy and I are together forever. Yes, the time just flies as one gets older. Glad you are feeling much better from your surgery and hope for you to be all well very soon. It's always good to see you post. Take care, sending you tons of love.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

I too have to agree with all you have said Mary.  I don't have a death wish or anything, but am no longer afraid of dying either.  Guess these are normal feelings for those of us who have experienced what we have as many of us have expressed this.

Glad to hear you are healing quickly and feeling so good so soon after your surgery.  Take care & keep in touch when you can.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: It will be one year tomorrow...

Hi Guys-
I just wanted to say Hi too- I more of a lurker rather than a poster now.
Good to hear from you both.
Take care,
Chrissy