Well, Rebecca, I can totally sympathize with you but maybe I can put things in perspective for you and make you laugh at the same time. I am in my late thirties and single and after my Mom got sick, I kept thinking that if I ever did have kids, they wouldn't know their grandmother and she really was a sweetheart of a grandma (she died August 1st).
Well, what I was trying to figure out was how I could get my boyfriend to shape up into someone responsible enough to marry, get pregnant, and have the baby in time to meet her. A pretty tall order. And all while caring for her because, of course, I am superwoman.
You at least have the husband part solved but the road ahead will be very difficult and you will be under a lot of stress and that may not be the best thing for you or for the baby. Stress can cause complications in pregnancy.
My twin sister became pregnant shortly before my mother was diagnosed and it was very difficult for her, in addition to the pregnancy hormones, it was a very emotional time and she was trying to wrap her head around my Mom not being there for the baby. She was exhausted from visiting her in the hospital and felt badly that she couldn't help as much with her care.
About 2 weeks before her due date, she developed Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy (ICP), I believe from stress. The scary thing is that cholestasis develops when the normal flow of bile in the gallbladder is affected by the high amounts of pregnancy hormones. My sister's symptoms included itching, a symptom my mother suffered from, and when my sister said it involved the bile I really freaked out. Jaundice is another potential symptom which, thankfully, my sister did not develop because I don't think I could have handled another person turning yellow in front of my very eyes.
In the end, the baby was taken early and this was a blessing because he and my sister are now both healthy and my mother got to see her newest grandson. The day he was supposed to be born was the first day my mother was unable to speak.
I will say one other thing, though. The baby kept my mother going. The doctor wanted her to sign a DNR and she asked if she could postdate it to after the baby's due date and the doctor said he had never heard of such a thing but he saw how stubborn she was and finally stopped pushing for her to sign it.
The pain of losing my mother is suffocating and sometimes I feel like I can't breathe but my baby nephew makes me smile when I need it the most. The poor little guy doesn't even know the weight he has on his shoulders, so many people needing to be cheered up in this family.
When my mother was close to dying but did not seem to able to let go, she told us she couldn't hold the baby anymore, that if she did she wouldn't be able to let go. She was in a lot of pain at that point and I told her I had figured it all out, that the baby needed help to get here and her job was to bring us the baby safely and then she could rest, go peacefully. If you decide not to have a baby now, remember that when you do, your mother has sent that baby to you. Yeah, yeah, Norm's gonna have something to do with it but you get what I mean.