I am glad John has decided to go into hospice care - maybe they can make him more comfortable and ease his pain somewhat. I hope and pray for a peaceful passing. Please take care of yourself! I know you must be a wreck right now, and you have every right to be. We're here for whatever support you need.
Yes, you ARE strong! Don't you think your husband knows how you are and how much you love him? As Lainy said, everyone reacts differently and it's part of you and what your husband loves about you - and the most important thing is that you're there by his side. I feel guilt that I never broke down in front of my mother, always trying to be upbeat and clinical so I wouldn't depress her, but she told a close friend that I was "stoic and unemotional" because she had no idea that I cried my eyes out as soon as she couldn't see me. So it can be a good thing to break down, too!
As I said to Charlene, let us take on some of your burden and comfort you - you're going through so much, and it's only human to be a wreck at this time. All the best to you and Chucks.
Dear Joyce C,
So sorry to hear that things have gone downhill for your husband, also. The sorrow must be overwhelming. I echo everything I said above - you are strong, and such a good soul, and feel free to lean on all of us when you need to.