• From: Hibbing, MN
  • Registered: Thu, 17 Apr 2008
  • Posts: 198

Topic: parents anniversary

It seems that life has become a bit more of a struggle for me since Dad's death.  I thought I had it all together after he died, but the last couple of weeks have been tough...not sleeping, overeating, not wanting to be around people.  I am working on shaking this one minute at a time. 

However...

...I need some sage advice.  My parents anniversary is this weekend.  I am planning to take my mom away for the weekend, but should I do/say anything regarding the anniversary?  Is it appropriate to give her an anniversary card?  Any gift ideas that would be meaningful?  We celebrated dad's birthday with a dinner out at his favorite restaurant (which we did every year) and visited fond memories.  But it was bittersweet, just three weeks after he died.  I would like to acknowledge this special day for her, but am not sure how far to push it.  Since my brain is complete mush lately, I would welcome any suggestions.  It would be their 51st anniversary. Dad's been gone 6 weeks.

"Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain."     ~g. b. hinckley
  • Lainy
  • Lainy
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  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,199

Re: parents anniversary

First let me say you are an absolutely wonderful daughter! Time with your mom is a beautiful way to celebrate a very important day to her! Instead of a present you could make a family photo album perhaps with pictures she may not have? Or I would just let her talk about your father/her husband again and her memories of all those years. I know talking about "old" times with my dad makes my mom the happiest.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • From: London, U.K.
  • Registered: Mon, 17 Mar 2008
  • Posts: 199

Re: parents anniversary

I think what you are doing in taking your mum away for this important weekend is lovely. I lost my husband, Anthony, 7 weeks ago and I think if it was me, I would want to talk to our daughter about what we might like to do together to mark the occasion. I don't think you need to rack your brains about what to do - just talk it through and keep it simple. I also agree with Lainy that a photo albumn or an enlarged, framed photo of your parents would be a lovely gift.
Remember, you are grieving badly still as our daughter is too and I agree that the best thing you can do is be together with your mum and talk about your dad and think about some of the good times you had together. Hopefully, this will be of some comfort to both of you.
                            Thinking of you
                                     Pauline

  • From: Hibbing, MN
  • Registered: Thu, 17 Apr 2008
  • Posts: 198

Re: parents anniversary

Lainy and Pauline,  Thank you so much for your ideas, and for your care.  We had a nice time away.  Prior to leaving, I had visited a crafts store to pick up a few items, and had seen a frame for a flag ( the triangular ones ).  My dad had a military funeral - he was so proud of his career in the service, and I knew mom hadn't had the flag that was presented to her placed in a frame yet...so I purchased it.  It also has a place to frame a picture of dad, and to store his medals.  Turns out, she loved it, especially to be able to have his picture with the flag.  I had already gotten a memorial rose pin for her to wear on her anniversary.  Thank you so much for your ideas.  I was afraid that it would be too depressing for her, and while it was sad, it was also tender. 
Pauline, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.  It is an incredibly lonely time that leaves a such a horrific hole.  This from a daughter's perspective; I can't even begin to imagine from a wife's perspective.  I wish you and your daughter peace and strength.
Lainy, thank you for always caring and always brightening up the lives of those around you and those of us who reach out.  You and your family are in my prayers.
Jolene

"Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain."     ~g. b. hinckley
  • Lainy
  • Lainy
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  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,199

Re: parents anniversary

Thank-you for sharing your special day with us. That was a great idea you had and so glad it all worked out so splendidly. And remember, your dad is not gone....he has only left the room and will always be in your heart!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • JeffG
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  • From: Kansas
  • Registered: Mon, 16 Oct 2006
  • Posts: 1,242

Re: parents anniversary

Daddy'sGirl,  What a wonderful gift for your Mom.  A memory show case for ever.  Being retired from the Air Force, I can certainly feel how special that is to have.  You done super girl. Your the best.
Jeff G.

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)
  • Registered: Sat, 09 Dec 2006
  • Posts: 514

Re: parents anniversary

Dear Jolene,
What a touching way to celebrate your parents' anniversary. You are such a thoughtful and caring daughter -- you and your mother are so lucky to have each other, to grieve together.
Wishing you all the best,
Joyce M