My husband is living a more or less normal life except that he is not going into work. he is in contact with work by phone and email, talks to friends, puts his affairs in order, yesterday he went to lunch with a friend and then to Costco. Yesterday evening we had dinner with friends and he was just as normal. Only problem is that he can't sit still for too long as he has no flesh on his bum and quickly gets uncomfortable.
My husband is almost the opposite to your father, in that he seems to want to pretend that because so many things are 'normal', nothing is happening. This morning he made a comment that he wasn't gaining any weight despite the fact that he is eating very well. That clearly worried him. Last night our friends told us a the son of one of their friends is evaluating all the research on chemotherapy and cancer. Surpringly despite all the trials it appears that the data has not been systemmatically evaluated. They mentioned my husband's case to him and he said - PDT is proven to be effective and (more important given the tendency for my husband to bury his head in the sand) he also said, Don't hang around waiting for the NHS to get its act together, move as quick as you can'. This seems to have penetrated my husband's consciousness and we have now decided that feeling well is not the same as being well, and we have to act. We are seeing the oncologist on Wednesday and will make a decision about chemo.
WE are now looking to get PDT in France. We have a good friend there who has been treated for bowel cancer . WE have sent his oncologist our info and are waiting for a reply. There are several centres in France that perform this treatment.
WE have the video from the Bristol Cancer Centre and this morning we are going to watch it to see if we want to go there for a few days and deal with this illness in a body/mind context. My husband is a very spirtitual man. He is totally convinced that the disease arose because of his psychological and mental situation. he thinks he made himself ill and he believes he can make himself better.
I work from home but I have other people who work with me so I try to keep a separation between work home. We are moving into other offices soon because it is not really suitable, should my husband become more ill to be at home. We are lucky in the support we have; I have three grown up children who are very supportive. Luckily all of them are now close to home, my daughter moved from Bristol back to London once her father became ill. We have good friends who have cooked for us, people visit during the day and my husband is in touch with many friends throughout the world - thanks to the wonder of SKYPE.
Are you an only child Jules? Your father is lucky to have you work so hard of his behalf and I am sure it makes him feel loved and valued - which is an important element in healing. last week I read the comment of a well kown oncologist asked what distinguishes those who survive cancer from the rest. She said --in a word Love. The people who do well are surrounded by others who care for them and show it. I know you are looking desperately for a medical solution but in a way even if there is no guaranteed medical solution, the efforts you are making on his behalf and the time you spend together are what counts.
Good luck to you and you family,