Lola....First and foremost it's importance to validate your feelings of grief. Once death is on the horizon, it is natural that we begin to grieve. Our bodies are often in a state of hyper-alertness, which in turn can become mentally and physically exhausting. Know that your feelings are real, normal and that it takes an emotional toll on you. You are doing everything right by exercising and connecting with friends, but sometimes we need to take this a step further and see if grief counseling can help us through this very difficult time.
I recall feeling confused about the sense of relief when death eventually came for my husband. I wondered whether feeling guilty diminished my love for him, but later understood that relief did not change the deep love I had for him and that my feelings were a natural reaction to the illness.
You will shake off this deep depression, dear Lola, but it takes time and is so very individual. I have heard of people setting aside a particular time of day in where they gave in to the feelings of grief and let it all out. Once this allotted time passed they tried hard to concentrate on the rest of the day. Not sure it works for you, but it may be worth a try.
Is the physician who prescribed the medication in contact with you? Perhaps it needs to be evaluated and changed to another drug?
THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER