Topic: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

My Friends,
I am sorry to have to tell you that Ray passed away on Sunday in hospital. As you know we had known about his liver cancer for nearly two years now, and it has been a blessing that he has kept well for nearly the whole time which allowed us to have many happy holidays and to spend time with family and friends.
The end came very quickly, he became jaundiced a few weeks ago, and only became ill about a week ago. He was in no pain which was such a blessing and kept his sense of humour right until the end.
All his close family were around him and he simply closed his eyes and went to sleep.
He will be buried in our village church on Friday and we are planning a big party for him to follow.
We have very happy memories of him and have no regrets.
When he was told he had Cholangiocarcinoma he was not scared of dying but he was scared of being in pain for a long time, losing his weight, losing his hair and losing his dignity. None of this happened and we feel so lucky about this. I feel so happy about this at the moment and it is getting us all through the nightmare of red tape.
I would wish this blessing on everyone in our situation. This site has been such a help to me and I expect it will be more so now as the fact of Rays death hits me. His things are all around me and the thought of carrying on alone is too much for me to take in just now.
God bless,
Sue
Sue.

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Dear Sue....Ray's passing peacefully and pain free must be such a relief to you.  I am so sorry for him to have joined our loved ones but am so happy for you to have been able to travel and enjoy life with him until the end.
Hugs to you and your family,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Thank you so much, Marion. Here in the Uk it is early morning and still dark, it is so reassuring to think someone is there and caring.
Some time ago I started chatting to Helen Moremont who lost her husband Alan to CC in 2000. She set up a registered charity fo fund research here in the UK  and they do all types of fundraising. The girls and I have agreed that we will ask for donations to her charity AMMF instead of flowers. Being such a small personal organisation it will mean more to to her than sending the money to Cancer research. I just though anyone in the Uk might like to know about it if they didnt already.
I would like to ask anyone if they know the origins of a poem we found written out by Rays Mum many years ago. We are not sure if she copied it out from somewher of if she wrote it herself. In any case we came across it when we were looking through Rays papers and it seems so appropriate to read it at his funeral. It is called Sweet Sorrow and goes:

We had been talking on the telephone
And it was time to part
I felt no sadness when you said "Goodnight"
Only a sudden lifting of the heart
A quiet happiness
For in your gentle tone
Was all the sweetness of a warm caress
Though out of sight
I felt you close to me
Felt too the look fo love
I could not see
It made of parting a resplendent thing
A poem for the hearts remembering.

Sue x

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Sue,
   I am so sorry that you have to be temporarily separated from your Ray, but so glad that he passed peacefully, and that he didn't have to suffer. That is a great blessing, isn't it? I just lost my husband - Butch - last Thursday night, and he went peacefully, also. My thoughts and prayers are wih you now.

God's Blessings,

Joyce C

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Sue,

I don't know anything about the poem but it is beautiful & does seem an appropriate tribute to Ray as his parting was a "Sweet Sorrow". Another thought for donations. When asked, I suggested that people make dontations in Jim's name to The Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation.  Sue, again, know that you are in my thoughts & prayers.

Love,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Sue,

That's a wonderful poem.  Thanks so much for sharing that with us.

I'm sorry to hear of Ray's passing, but am glad that it went so peacefully. Please accept some virtual hugs from me.

G

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Dear Sue,  My deepest sympathy and prayers of support.  I'm so happy he was able to handle his condition with his dignity intact.  He will be missed without a doubt, but his loving memories will last forever.

God Bless,
Jeff

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Sue,
I am very sorry for your loss. Ray's passing sounds so beautiful and peaceful and just what all of us hope and pray for yourselves and our loved ones. I think it is wonderful you are asking for donations. Have you thought about doing it through www.justgiving.com so that the charity can claim tax bonus as well....just a thought. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Oh thank you so much everybody, it is so wonderful to receive your well wishes from all over the world. I am sure Ray hears all your replies and is pleased for me to have such a support group!
I will send you all a report on Rays party.
Darla, I did think of sending our donations to the Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation but my daugther Sam says they are doing so little here in the Uk we ought to try to promote some work with the universities here as well. I am sure a two pronged attack would be beneficial. Lets try to get them in a position to beat this disease!
My love and thanks to you all.
Sue.

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Dear Sue I am so sorry for your loss.

I feel RAY got the end just right. He made it right for you and your family.
These memories will carry you through the coming days and months.
They will caress you and keep you warm during your darkest hours.

My son Alan had a peaceful end after a horrendus 8 weeks, as you have said here in the UK. there appears to be so little being done. Our hospice were magnificant and came out to both alan and myself daily for his last 10 days. We have so far raised just over

U.K.Member

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Dear Sue,
I am so sorry to hear about Ray. My thoughts and heart go out to you and your family.
Joyce M

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Sue,

I am sad you have lost Ray but am glad to hear that cholangio did not take everything from him little by little as he feared and that he enjoyed so much time with loved ones and that his passing was peaceful. When death comes on our terms, it seems less cruel and those who are left behind are comforted by a merciful passing.

Patty

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Dear Sue

I was so sorry to hear about Ray.  Such a blessing that the end came so quickly and that he was not in pain.  I'm sure he knew you were all there with him and felt the comfort of love surrounding him.   Wishing you all peace in the days ahead.

Jean

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Thank you everyone for the kind messages, it has been nearly 6 weeks since Ray died. I miss him every day but try to stay strong for our girls and grandchildren. We gave him a good send off - the church was packed and he is buried in the beautiful Saxon churchyard in our village. Time goes on, we cope, it helps to talk here.
LOve to you all.

15 (edited by barbara6193 Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:18:41)

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Dear Sue,
My deepest sympathy to you and your family on the loss  of your Ray. I lost my sweet Jacques one year ago to CC, he was  56 and we were married for 35 wonderful years. I just had a beautiful memorial mass for him on Nov. 11th. Jacques also kept his amazing smile and sense of humor right up to the end, we enjoyed many wonderful trips, holidays, and he was the most handsome man at our daughters wedding the day he walked her down the aisle one year before this horrific disease took him from us.
Carrying on alone is difficult, I can attest to that, but just take one day at a time and remember all of the good times. Journal writing has helped me, I hope to one day publish my journal in the hopes to help others who lose a loved one. As for having Ray's things all around you, I still have not changed anything in my home. Jacques things are all around me, everywhere is a precious memory. Every one is different in how they deal with their pain, and everyones path they take is also different. Follow your heart, stay busy, and embrace those that are there for you. I am so lucky that my friends and family have been amazing and their support has never waned.
Take care of yourself and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
With love from NH,
Barbara

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Sue - I am so sorry to hear about Ray, please know that you and your girls and grandchildren are in my thoughts and prayers.
Colleen

Re: Ray died peacfully on Sunday

Coleen, thank you for your kind thoughts, it helps to know that people care.
Barbara, I will take your advice and take one day at a time, it is good to know that you have such a good support, I am also lucky with family and friends, but the hardest time is coming home to an empty house when you have been out. I have pretty much left Rays things as they were, apart from a few personal posessions which the girls wanted. Publishing your journal seems a good idea, it must have been theraputic to write it.
With love, Sue