Topic: Festive month?

This ought to be the month of light and happiness, but it is not. I show myself very calm and I am packing the St. Nicolas boxes in coloured paper. But everything within me is screaming. I am losing my husband, my always so young, sportive and healthy Peter.
This cancer has spread everywhere now. He still is with me in the livingroom, yellow and pale and so very tired.
We don't have long to go, could it be christmas or will it happen next week? Nobody knows. Soon though, you can see it in his face, in his thin body.
He never did anything wrong, he is such a warm and good human being. Why this suffering?
Please think of us, this month.

All the best for all of you,
Iris.

Re: Festive month?

Iris,

I know & feel your pain. My husband Jim passed away 3 months ago from this horrible disease & I too am not going to enjoy this holiday season. None of us asked for or deserved this. It is so unfair.  I wish I could do something to ease your pain, but I know that there is nothing anyone can do to make it better. Just know that you & Peter are in my thoughts & prayers along with everyone else's on this site. I know it isn't easy, but try to take care of yourself so you can be strong for Peter.

Lots of Love & Hugs,

Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Festive month?

Dear Iris,
             I undestand everything you are going through and feel so sad for you and Peter. One thing I would say is that this time will be full of precious memories for you in the future. Think of all the things you want to say to him and be sure to say them. Get all the help you can for both of you and try to make sure he is comfortable and pain free. These are all things that I was unable to do for my darling Anthony because we didn't realise he was dying and it has made things so much worse for me since he died.
             Take care of yourself as well and try to get enough sleep to keep yourself coping. It is such a struggle but you and Peter will get through this together and the love you share will help you to cope. Please know that I am thinking of you and please keep in touch.
         With love
           Pauline

Re: Festive month?

Oh Iris,

I know how you feel!  This has always been my favorite time of the year and this year in addition to the holidays we have moved my daughter's wedding up a year due to the diagnosis of my Mom and the deployment of her groom back to Iraq in January.

I have been home since Sunday in bed with a horrible bug and missing work and not getting anything done on my daughter's wedding which is on the 20th of December.  This is a time I really want my Mom to be with me.  I'm thankful to God that right now she is hanging on, doing reasonably well and able to go to church and out with my Dad.  She is an amazing woman.  Her diagnosis was an incidental finding when she had a bout with pleuracy while still working full time at 76.  I didn't lose my grandmothers til they were in their mid nineties and fully expected to have my Mom with me for a  much longer time. 

I hate this horrible disease.  I know the rage and frustration about this monster.  Please know that you and your dear Peter will be in my thoughts and prayers during this holy season.  I know that God has a plan and while we can't always see it, I know that He is there for me.

Please remember to take care of you the caregiver.  Peter is lucky to have such a loving spouse.  I wish I could take away all of our pain and sadness.  Know that you are only a computer away from those of us that really understand what you're feeling.

Take care of the both of you.

Cherbourg

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: Festive month?

Dearest Iris,

I lost my husband 1 week and 2 days ago, I know what you are going through.

Please just kiss him and hold him and tell him how much you love him. Let him go surrounded by your complete love.

I was with John every second as he was dying and telling him continually how much I loved him, telling him to let go and let the angels take him home.

I am grieving but I know John left this world knowing without a doubt in his mind how much I loved him.

I lost my mate but I know I have not lost his love. I can feel him with me when I am hurting so bad I want to scream.

We are all in the same boat here and it's true when we say we love each other. We are here for you.

Charlene

Re: Festive month?

Dear Iris-A,   I'll be thinking of you and Peter.   You know Iris, I look around and once again just like years before; christmas lights and trees going up, the television shows playing the traditional movies,and advertisements for the best bargins.  I'ts going to be happening with or without us.  I tried to put our angel on top of the tree, but my ribs where so sore, I couldn't reach! My wife reached over and did it for me.  I felt like crying but all the chemo has ruined my tear ducts.  Love and comfort the man you cherish  and let the light shine and there be festival spirit just for him and you. Make it your own little celebration with Peter.  Let Peter know this christmas is for him.  You can celebrate the birthday of our Savoir and give thanks for the time he was able to let you and Peter spend together.  Although you and I both wish our time with our loved ones could be longer. They will always be with us for sure!  Light the candles Iris! At least this last time with Peter.  The hussle and bussle of christmas will come again year after year after year, for many who don't even know what Christmas is all about.  Make this moment one to remember and be happy and each year this time we or they can have more cheerful memories instead of sad ones( well the sadness will) always be there, but at least it'll be more bearable.
God Bless You Both!
Jeff

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)

Re: Festive month?

Iris,
   I, too,  wish we could comfort you during this time. I lost my Husband - Butch - on October 9, and this holiday season will be tough. I can only tell you to tell your husband how much you love him - many times - and kiss him , and hold his hands and remember that this time is precious - I am so glad that I had that time with Butch - I told him he was probably sick of hearing it friom me, but I needed to tell him. I was with him, holding his hads, when he passed from this world, and it means the world to me now that I was able to pray for him, and comfort him right to the end. I will always have that, and it helps me now. We will all be here for you when you need us, and will be thinking of you.

Joyce

Re: Festive month?

Iris,

It is hard to celebrate Christmas when one is so beaten down by this unforgiving cancer and it can be even more cruel in its timing, stealing your Christmas spirit, Cherbourg's joy at her daughter's wedding, any good news or celebration is made bittersweet by what hangs over us. But we must try to hang onto every piece, every morsel of life while we have it, not let our joy be stolen.

My sister had her baby as my mother lay dying, the contrast between life and death could not have been more glaring and our emotions were a mess, celebrating his joyous birth as we wept. My mother got to spend 2 weeks getting to know my nephew before she lost consciousness and I see only pure joy on her face in the pictures we have of her with her new grandson.

I agree with Jeff, don't celebrate Christmas, celebrate Peter's Christmas, treasure every moment of it. I will pray that he makes it til then and that the joy of the holiday spirit touches you both.

Patty

Re: Festive month?

Thanks everyone for all your warmth and support. I needed it and now I can look forward again. I will make this a good month, I promise.
Today is going to be a special day. All the collegues of Peters department at the Watership, where he worked, are going to plant a tree for him on a beautiful spot at one of his projects. We are going to be picked up by one of the collegues and will be there when the limetree will be put in the soil. Isnot that a special gift? And it will give our sons and me a nice remembrance spot to go to as well.
So I will have a smile on my face today and try to keep it on.
Thanks again, all you wonderful people, and my dearest wishes for you all this month.
Iris.

Re: Festive month?

Iris,

What a nice tribute to Peter & one that you both can be proud of. Enjoy this special day and try to keep smiling! I will be thinking of both of you today & will keep you both in my prayers.

Love,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Festive month?

Iris,

When my mother passed away she left instructions for some things regarding funeral and burial arrangements but we have had a hard time deciding things she was not specific about so to avoid this my brother said he was going to make everyone in the family fill out a form with all their wishes and now that I read your post I am definitely going to ask for a tree, what a beautiful idea! And the fact that it's his coworkers doing it, Peter must be the kind of person who has an impact on all those he meets.

Patty

Re: Festive month?

Iris,

I will keep you and Peter in my thoughts and prayers.  My Mom passed away on Nov 2nd but was diagnosed with this cancer 2 weeks prior so we didn't have much time to prepare for it.  We did have the time to say our goodbyes because she was in pretty good spirits up until the last 2 days.  So we are very fortunate to have had that time with her.  It is only my Dad and my Brother in my immediate family and we are very close so it has helped us get through things.  I know the Holiday's are difficult and my Mom was the type of person that wanted the entire family and extended family together on those holidays.  Thanksgiving was hard and especially when my 5 year old daughter said a prayer for her.  She said "I'm glad my Grandma isn't hurting and she's with God now but I miss her" which we all thought was special.  Just enjoy the time you have left with him.  Tell him how much you love him.  That is one thing I regret.  I didn't tell my Mom everyday that I loved her and I wish I would have.  She spent 3 weeks in the hospital and it wasn't until then that I told her every time I saw her.  It's not that I didn't love her, but as a young adult, I just never said it.  Try and keep your chin up and know that we're all thinking of you. 

Becky