Topic: Today is a week
Today, one week ago at 1:15 I lost my beloved John. It seems like an eternity since that day with nothing in it but a horrible emptiness in my entire body. It's as though I don't exist now.
I miss him so much. I sit and stare at the walls with nothing in my mind but pain and sadness. I can't handle loud noises at all. Every one keeps telling me to be strong and hang in there...Why? I was strong for over 3 years trying to keep him alive. I'm tired of being strong
It seems as though I'm in this limbo space. My step son came to be with me but it isn't helping at all. All I do is cry and hurt.
My daughter flew me to Arizona to be with my kids and grand children but it's exactly the same. I am empty. There is a hole where my feelings used to be and I'm just lost and confused.
On the plane flight I was thinking it would be so alright if the plane went down but i remembered there were children on the plane and just had a huge rush of guilt, knowing how selfish I was being.
Everyday is endless, a sea of wanting my husband back. I am weak with
anxiety and depression. I am totally amazed at the amount of suffering you can take before you just give up and lose your mind. I so want to lose my mind and go to that place where no one can hurt you any more