I know exactly how you are feeling. You can be in a room full of people & still you are alone. I am not sure why people won't talk about our husbands. I think they feel it is too painful for us & it is better to not bring it up. Also, talking about him may make them uncomfortable. I know it is not right or fair, but that is just how some people handle these situations. I am fortunate that I do have a few people that will talk about Jim & are willing to listen to me and try to understand. I am hoping that you will find a few special people in your life that you can tell how you are feeling & they will be there for you to talk about John with you & to just listen when you need to talk. It is so strange how differently people react to these situations. Like you said everything else now seems so meaningless, when all you want is that one person who was the most important thing in your life. Who was a part of you and that is the only thing that we can no longer have. I think that the loneliness & isolation we feel is normal for what we are dealing with. We are all feeling that to one degree or another.
I was told that it is OK to cry & to be angry. It is all part of the grieving process & it actually is helpful and healthy to do so.
I too find myself wanting to just stay home alone. I sometimes find myself just sitting & staring into space thinking about everything that has happened & wondering why. I found that I need to force myself to get out even if just to go for a walk, to the store, library or wherever as the longer I am alone the hard it gets. I also try to keep busy, which isn't easy, but it does help a little. Jim is still always on my mind. I think about him all the time, but keeping myself busy does seem to help a little. The hardest thing for me lately is that no matter what I do or where I go, I always have to go home alone. The long, dark, cold nights are the worst for me & I haven't quite figured out how to deal with that yet.
All I can tell you is to just take one day at a time. I am not going to say it gets better or easier as I don't know that yet myself, I am hoping that with time it will. Just remember that we are all here for you & that many of us are dealing with the same things that you are. We are all here to help & support each other, so keep coming back as often as you need to. We may all be alone, but at least we have each other and this great site where we can come to talk & share our feelings. Only those of us who have had to live through this truely know how it feels.
Know that I am thinking of you and of all the rest of us who have recently lost our beloved husbands and know that I care. I am hoping that we all can find some comfort, peace & hope in the coming year.
Take care Charlene & please stay in touch with all of us here.
Love & Hugs,
"One Day At A Time"