1 (edited by ljg Mon, 09 Feb 2009 17:09:31)

Topic: Cycle of Life

I am stuck thinking tonight that I am back again at Denial.  Still can't believe it's been 5+ months since my Mom left this world, merely weeks after diagnosis and dropping everything to "help" her.  I know I did all I could, I know I "must" move on and live my life, but it's still a shock, overwhelming, and the cycle of life is a little lost on me at this time.

Now the cycle of grief, I know that one well... Denial...Anger...Bartering...Depression...Acceptance, and the loop continues. 

I am making progress and heavily invested in school these days (thankfully), but when does the disbelief stop, I wonder.  Then again, the mind knows that when it does, it's over.  Such an amazing thing this cycle of life.  It's got me in it grasp tonight, after dreams of her last night.

I'll pull it back together, but I just had to get it out for now.  Thanks for listening.  -ljg

Re: Cycle of Life

ljg,

Grief like love does not have a timetable.  Think of it as a moving, flowing process.  There will be good days and bad days.  Eventually the good days will prevail as the bad ones recede and the good memories of your Mom take over.  You are a remarkable individual and there is no one else on the planet just like you.  Because of that your grieving process will progress in a manner only for you.

Take especially good care of yourself during this process.  You did everything you could for your Mom.  Look at yourself in the mirror and know that she is in Heaven, without pain looking down on her beloved daughter who did everything humanly possible to ease her suffering and make her journey comfortable.  You are the amazing legacy she left behind.

Be kind to yourself.

Lots of hugs, love and prayers coming your way!

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: Cycle of Life

ljg,

My husband of almost 42 years also passed on very swifly from this horrific  disease. It will be 5 months on February 2 & I too am feeling all that you are. I explained my feelings to Dr. Giles and got a very helpful response. You can read it by going to Patient Support & then Ask Dr. Giles. I'm not sure when or if I will ever full be able to move on, but for now I am taking it one day at a time. I  am glad that you are able at least to dream of your Mom. I have not dreamt of Jim very often and when I do I have a hard time recalling the dreams when I wake up.

I think we have to console ourselves with the fact  that our loved ones are now in a better place & no longer suffering from this terrible disease. Remember that they will be in our hearts forever. We can't change what has happened, so we have to try not to keep beating ourselves up about it and go on. We all did the best that we could within the circumstances that we were given.  I know that this is all easier said than done, but we have to keep trying, as I am sure that our loved ones would not want us to keep blaming ourselves for what we had no control over.

Take care of yourself now. I will be thinking of you & hoping that we can all get through this time of grieving as best we can. All we can do is take it one small step at a time.

Love & hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Cycle of Life

Thank you Darla & Cherbourg...

I have no recollection of posting this, but days are like dreams sometimes, drifty. 

You have said what I have needed to hear and I will pay that forward with others.  It is so nice to know that we are not alone in our grief.  -ljg