Topic: Today has been a very bad day

Some days are good, some days are just tolerable, but today has been a rough day.  I can't give any reason why today is different....My Daddy passed away on January 14.  Saturday, the one month anniversary was better than today.  It frustrates my husband, because he wants to know why I am crying and all I can say is 'I miss my Daddy."  I don't know what triggers it, a smell, a song, a certain food I cook.....that is how today is.  Today at work, sitting at the computer, the tears just started and flooded and flooded.  I tell myself that Daddy is so much better off, no more pain, no more gasping for air, but I am selfish and want him back.  Not with the cancer, but back before this horrible disease invaded his life 18 months ago.  For the last 6 weeks of his life, he didn't have the strength to go outside, which he loved and in the last  3 months of his life he went from a strong man of 230 pounds to 175 pounds........the way this cancer just eats the life away is horrible......sorry for my ramblings, but it does help to come here and read all of your posts and know I have others who feel my pain and understand the emptiness I am feeling right now.  I want to share a poem that I read often when I feel like this and it is though my Daddy is saying these words to me.  This is just how he would talk with me now as the tears flow as I type this.  When Daddy passed away, I searched for a poem for his obituary.  I am not sure if I found this poem on this site, if I did THANK YOU to the person who originally posted it. I has been great comfort to me.

He is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want:
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.


Thank you for reading my post.

Smiles through tears,
Patsy

Re: Today has been a very bad day

Here is another one for you Patsy: Comfort is wished for you with better days ahead.


To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say.
But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from Heaven.
Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness;
here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you
when my life on earth was through.
God picked me up and hugged me
and said, "I welcome you.
It's good to have you back again,
you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family,
they'll be here later on.
God gave me a list of things,
that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list,
was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night,
the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you...
in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth,
and all those loving years.
Because you are only human,
they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry:
it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers,
unless there was some rain.
One thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you
and many hills to climb;
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
And now I am contented....
that my life was worthwhile.
Knowing as I passed along the way
I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody
who is sad and feeling low;
Just lend a hand to pick him up,
as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street
and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps
only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go....
from that body to be free.
Remember you're not going...
your coming home to me.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Today has been a very bad day

Patsy,

Thank you for posting that beautiful poem. I am going to copy it out & read it when I am feeling down. I have also done that with the one that Lainy posted. It does help.

You are absolutely right when you say that others here feel your pain & sadness. It has been over 5 months since my husband passed on & the pain & sadness is still there. It still hurts & I miss him so much. This site has been a God send to me. The help & support, warmth & love of everyone here is so comforting & helps me to stay strong & go on. I am hoping that it will do that for you too.

Try to stay strong as your Dad would want you to do and "keep smiling through those tears"!  smile

Love & Hugs,

Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

4 (edited by ljg Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:42:11)

Re: Today has been a very bad day

My best to you Patsy-

I totally understand and do not feel like the same person since my Mother "left".  I have found there there is a serious wave-life cycle to my grief, and at first it is by the minute, then by the hours, but the part of the day, then by the day, the week, and the month.  What I have also found is that this analogy to the ocean is pretty hard to shake. 

Recently, when not processing my emotions outwardly because my counselor was away and I was extremely busy and felt that no one understood (including supportive friends, family, and my husband), like a rogue wave it hit me while sleeping and I sat straight up and burst into deep grieving tears. 

It is always there, even if we don't acknowledge it, and I have found a way to accept that.  At times, when I can no longer feel, I am once again humbled by it and I feel closer to my Mom and often angry all at once. 

To help myself transition I let it all go and listen to one of her favorite songs (by Carly Simon).  Some days are just bad days and we have to accept that.  It hurts whenever we are open to it and you must have been ready to move through healing a little more when you wrote this. 

You are not alone <tears falling now>.  It's just part of the process and yes it sucks.  I am accepting the reality all over again myself.  I will go on from this and try to live fully; that's what they would have wanted for us.  -ljg

Re: Today has been a very bad day

Patsy -

I know how hard it is to lose your dad - I lost my father in 2000.  He did pass away from cancer, although it wasn't cholangiocarcinoma.  I'm not sure if it's harder on daughters when their fathers pass or what, but what I do know is that I had a terrible time, so you are not alone!  I did the same as you, crying out of the blue not matter where I was.  I was so sad for so long. 

I finally am able to talk and think about him without crying (at least most of the time) and remember all the fun things and the good things about him, instead of remembering the last days and the funeral, etc. 

I am rambling here, but I just want you to know that time will take care of a lot of your pain - believe me, it will come, but it will take a while.  It is just so new right now.  Allow yourself to grieve and to cry, and know that it will get better.

Terri

Re: Today has been a very bad day

Dear Patsy,
   I know exactly how you feel - that is exactly what I went through. Many times, I never figured out what triggered the grief. It does get better, though, I can assure you, It has been 4 1/2 months since my husband passed and I am still sad - I think I always will be, but the pain isn't as agonizingly bad as it was early on. I am enjoying my Grandchildren again, and enjoy my work (well - sort of!), and I still think of him very, very often, but now I can think of the good times, and the happy years more often, and not those terrible last few weeks. Thse terrible images kept popping up in my mind in the early weeks following his passing, and those memories were not good. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Here is one more poem ---

                                                      Interregnum

                                             The span between life and death
                                                  Can be as quick and sudden
                                                       As a puff of wind
                                                  That blows out a candle.
                                              But the candle doesn't suffer
                                                  After the darkness comes
                                                       It is the person
                                                   Left in the dark room
                                                 Who gropes and stumbles.


                                                               Helen Duke Fike

I will be thinking of you,

Joyce C.