Oh my, I feel for you so much right now. I have lost my Mom and the ache can be deep and worrisome. I found myself in an anxiety-mode just recently.
I want you to know that your Husband and my Mother want us to go on, to live fully and to change the way we see the world for the better. Just the fact that you are reaching out to us here is a magical thing, really. I can feel your pain right through the screen and you need to know how courageous I believe that you are.
Life, let's face it, can be really tough when we see it from the vantage point of expecting everything to be the same. When you realize that people are going through this kind of stuff all over and that we are so lucky to be alive and vertical, it somehow changes and reorganizes your perspective. Maybe not instantly, but over time.
It's not my favorite way of thinking, and far be it for me to kick anyone's ass but my own, but we are ALIVE and lucky to be, and you will start to feel this soon, after the shock wears off. Our problems become challenges, and as we hurdle one, we do get stronger again.
I know deep down that you have it in you to get back up and give it a shot tomorrow, and the next day. You can hear that I am routing for you, I hope?
You are not alone. You are loved, Magic, from near and far. Hang in there when things don't quite make sense. And do seek help for the overwhelm; it helps. (((HUGE HUGS TO YOU))). -ljg