Topic: help for mom

Hi everyone,

I ran across this website seeking information and knowledge to help my mom who was diagniosed in January, 09.  The doctors are saying that there is nothing else that they can do for her but offer pallative care.  She is 73 years old and has so many other health issues that she is not a candidate for surgery.  After 5 attempts to get the stents in, 2 diabetic commas, and coded on the table after the 4th attempt, my mom is now at an inpatient hospice facility where they are saying she is stabalized and they want to move her to a nursing home where she can continue to get around the clock care.

Because things were happening one right after another and my mom being in and out of the hospital, with me being her main care giver, I am just having time to research all of this. I have so many questions!  While I so believe the doctors that my mom does have cancer, I do not believe the length of time they have given her to live.  She has a desire to live a normal life.  Prior to January of this year, my mom was very active.  She was going out feeding the homeless and various other things.  Now she is where she wants to go to the restroom on her own mentally but physically she can not. The hard part for me is determining if she can't because of the caner or because of the drugs they have her on.

I am so confussed when it comes to making the right decisions for my mom. Because she has been through one thing after the other, I feel like if she just had time to allow her body to recover then she would be better physically and can have a better quality of life. However, I don't want her to be in pain and not get the pain medicine she needs. I don't really know what to  do for her.  I love her too much to see her suffer but I also don't want them killing her off before it is time for her to go.  I have been praying for wisdom to make the right decisions.

If anyone has any suggestions or experience that they think would help me, I would love to hear from you.


Re: help for mom

By all means, get another opinion! The first oncologist we spoke to had to coerce the radiologist into treating my father. At the first stumbling block, they both said he only had a few months and to get his affairs in order. I sought another physician (our 3rd opinion) and we have someone who will at least try to treat him.

Your first consideration is to find a doctor who has experience with this specific disease. You may have to travel, but good experienced doctors are out there. Where are you located? There is a wealth of info on this board and likely someone can point you in the right direction based on your location

Good luck!

Re: help for mom

Hi there what a terrible time for you-you must feel so worried and confused.Sometimes illnesses can develop very quickly just get as much support as you can to help you with it
                kind regards          Janet

Re: help for mom

Please get a second opinion. I am concerned that they could not get a stent in. That is one of the most important things for the quality of life.

Many people here struggle with making the "right" decisions. There are no right decisions, only decisions made with the right information and in the right spirit. this disease doesnt play fair. It doesnt react in the same way in different people. It doesnt respond to the same medication in everyone. there is no way to know that anybody is making the "right" decision, only the right decision for you. So you cant feel guilty or worried about the decisions you make.

Please let us know how things go.


Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope