Topic: The shell in my pocket.
Today and for a long, long while I will carry a small solid white seashell in my pocket.
Wednesday it was 77 degrees here in Morehead City where I work at the local hospital.
I had a really bad mental day in my lab. Out of the 5 specimens I diagnosed, 4 were malignant. As usual I said a prayer for those whose life was about to be upended. I was also caught up in the throes of anticipatory grief about my Mom's situation and was waiting for a phone call from Daddy since her Hospice nurse was scheduled to come.
When I left work, since my hospital is across the sound from the beach, I decided it was be my first day back walking on the beach since late November.
I honestly think anticipatory grief is awful. As I walked my mile and 1/2 on the beach I decided to just wallow in it. I walked and cried with seagulls and pelicans for companions. There were very few people on the beach and it was so beautiful. I paused to write my Mom's name in the sand and then couldn't push myself to walk away and leave it there. I wondered if I would be strong enough to let her go when her time comes. I stood there crying until finally a wave came up on the beach and gently washed her name away. As I watched the sea recede, on the beach lay one perfect, small white shell. As I reached down to pick it up, it was as if God was with me reminding me that He was in control and would take my Mom to be with him when her time comes.
I finished my walk with a smile on my tear stained face and the shell in my pocket.
So in the words of the famous Paul Harvey.....now you know the rest of the story.......
Hugs to all on this journey....
"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is. Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.