Topic: missing my mom :(

Hello,

This is my first time here. Around September 2008, my mother started complaining of pains in her stomach and was not able to eat anything. This was the first time I had really ever heard my mom complain about anything so I pushed her to go to her doctor. She went and the doctor believed she was having a gallbladder attack but sent her for an ultrasound to confirm her diagnosis. Unfortunately our healthcare system sucks and moms appointment was not for almost 3 months, however being a nurse I was able to get it pushed ahead to within a week. Following the ultrasound, mom was called by the doctor who wanted to discuss the results with her. This is where my heart break begins. Mom went to the appointment, alone!!. Why not, there was never any indication anything was seriously wrong. This was Sept 3., 2008. This was the day mom found out she had spots on her liver and was referred to a general surgeon. To make a long story short, after going in circles and being completely disrespected by doctors, we were informed that mom had stage 4 liver cancer (intra-hepatic cholangiocarcinoma). It was too advanced to do any form of treatment. Over the phone, I was informed that mom had weeks to months to live. We were not even given enough respect to be told face to face that our mother was going to die. Mom wanted to go home, and we were going to respect her wishes. We had months right? and miracles happen every day!! This is when the doctor decided to visit. When he walked out of the room, I said "do you really think she only has weeks to months", he said "No". Thank God....I was not ready to lose her!!. He then followed his statement with "she has days to weeks". We took mom home that evening and spent the next 10 days showering her with all the love we were blessed enough to recieve from her. We watched her slowly decline until she slipped into a coma. At 5:52pm on October 20, 2008 at the young age of 52 our world came shattering down. Mom passed away, and myself (26), my brother (28) and my sister (23) were left wihout a mom, without our best friend, without our world. Although it feels like a lifetime ago, it has not even been 6 months. I feel like we are living a nightmare and that any moment we will wake up. How could this have happened. I hate when people say they understand, they don't!! I found this site and decided to share my story in the hopes that someone does understand. In the hopes that somone can help me breath again. Thank you for taking the time to read this. God Bless you all.

Re: missing my mom :(

Dear Sarah,
   I m so very sorry for your loss. It was on October 9 that I lost my wonderful husband Butch to this dreadful disease, after a 7 month battle. He was only 66, which is very young also, though not as young as your Mom.   I know what you mean - as time goes by, it seems farther and farther away, but the wound is still fresh. It is difficult whwen people say things like that they understand, and they clearly don't. I just always try tio think that they are TRYING to be kind. There are many, many people on this site who have lost their parents, and they do communicate with each other, explaining their feelings and comforting each other. You and your family  have certainly been  through a lot, and Mom's have such a special place in our hearts, and you are so young to go through this. I will include your family in my prayers, and be thinking of you.

Big cyber hugs,

Joyce  C.

Re: missing my mom :(

Dear Sarah,

So many of us here know what you are feeling.  Our experience was very similar to yours.  My husband passed away Sept. 2, 2008 right at the time that your nightmare was beginning.  He was 62 and had his first symptoms only 7 weeks before that. He too was otherwise healthy. We were told it was CC, also intrahepatic, and he didn't have long to live (days to weeks)  only 1 week before he passed on. So I truely do know how you are feeling & what you are going through. You are so right.  People tell you that they know & understand how you feel & that it will get better with time.  They just don't know. They can't possible understand how dealing with this horrible cancer changes your life forever, unless you have been through it.

I am glad that you found this site.  I found it a few days after Jim passed on and it has been a Godsend to me.  Without this site & all of the wonderful people on it I don't know how I would be able to deal with all of this.

Please come back often.  We are all here to help each other.

I would also like to share a poem with you that will hopefully help to easy your pain.

She is Gone
You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: missing my mom :(

Dear Sarah,
I want to extend my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family.  I am not able to breathe yet either as I lost my soul mate and husband on March 13.  I know the terrible path you are on and only wanted to let you know you are not alone. Prayers of comfort coming your way.
Peace,
Karen

Wishing all God's blessings!

Re: missing my mom :(

OK, now I am crying. Thank you all for your responses. When you are in this situation you truly feel that noone in the world could understand the pain and the loss that you feel. This site, however, has shown me that someone does understand...you. Thank you for that. I am so very sorry for the losses you have all endured. Nobody should ever have to feel the pain and emptiness of losing someone.  My mom was an amazing woman, and to know her was to love her as is evidenced by the more than 400 people that came to her wake. She had a way of making you feel like you were the only one in the world when you spoke-her eyes, her focus, her attention was on you. She made you feel like you had something worth saying regardless of how trivial it actually was. She had a way...she just had a way!! I hate that for a while everyone was so grief stricken over the loss of my mother. But slowly, as to be expected, everyone went on with their lives. They returned home to their families after the funeral, they went back to their jobs after the weekend, they laughed with their friends again that night but for us, there is no going back. We will forever live this nightmare, we are forever scarred with the memories of her slowly slipping away before our eyes, we will live the rest of our lives without the love and guidance of our mother. I hate that everyone else gets to go back to normal...I WANT TO GO BACK!!!!!!!!!I don't mean to rant but sometimes it's all just too much and I want to scream...in fact, sometimes I do. Thank you all!! *HUGS*

Re: missing my mom :(

Dear Sarah,

Your Mom does sound like she was an amazing women and I know how large the void must be that her passing has left in your lives. Just remember that she will live on in your hearts and memories forever.  Rant & rave, scream, cry & vent all you want.  I do it often. It doesn't make it go away, but it does help & relieves the stress a bit. 

I know how you feel about everyone going on with their lives when yours will never be the same.  For me, I feel like everyone else has someone and that no matter what I do or where I go, I always come home alone.  Atleast on this site there are others who understand our feelings of loss and loneliness as they share in our pain.  It makes me sad to know that there are so many of us affected by this horrible unpredictable disease.

I still wake up some mornings thinking this was just a terrible nightmare & that Jim will be here beside  me. I often say that I just want to go back to the beginning of last summer, before all of this began, and stay there forever. Unfortunately, that is not reality.  So for now all any of us can do is put one foot in front of the other and take things as they come, one day at a time.

Take care and know that here you have friends who care & understand.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

7 (edited by hopeandgrace Thu, 02 Apr 2009 19:06:48)

Re: missing my mom :(

Sarah,

My heart breaks for you and with you.  I lost my mom on my birthday of this year - just four weeks ago on March 3rd.  I am close to your age (29) and I know how unfair it seems to lose our moms at such a young age.  My mom, too, was my best friend.  Our whole family watched as our strong, funny and beautiful mom slipped away right before our eyes.  I know the pain you are experiencing - you are NOT alone.   I have found so much comfort in knowing several things - 1) our moms are not gone, they just aren't here right now.  They have not ceased from being and one day we will see them again without the worry of ever having to say goodbye again.  2) they are no longer suffering - they made it through! There is no more worry, no more pain - they won the battle.  And 3) we were blessed for twenty some years with moms that loved us unconditionally, taught us well and looked out for us - something a lot of people don't get for one day. 

I will pray for you.  The Lord has given me so much comfort by revealing His truths and pulling me near to Him.  I have learned so much through this experience and am so thankful for the peace that the Lord has shown me is possible even in the midst of this grief.  Please continue to post.  The people on this site are amazing. 

HopeandGrace
PS - I forgot to mention how strikingly similar our mom's situations were.  My mom also had intrahepatic CC and presented with the same symptoms.  When she got to the ER after having severe stomach pain, they also assumed it was a gall bladder attack.  When they went in to remove her gallbladder, they found the cancer.  She fought for 15 months.

Re: missing my mom :(

Sarah

My heart breaks for you too! I feel you are probably in the same place as me, just looking for compassion, somebody to share your pain. Honestly we all share your pain, but not the same as you feel. I love coming here, just to read and know that we are not the only "ones", but sometimes it makes me so mad. After readling, I just wish I could have had half the knowledge that some of these people do. I suppose, that was not meant to be. There are so many things I wish I could have done differently. I'm realizing though, that this cancer is unthinkable, unexplainable, unpredictable, and it takes everything....It has questioned everything in my mind. Made me feel crazy, like the dumbest  person, the most vulnerable and trusting person ever. I am so tired of hearing everyone tellling me, "at least your mom isn't suffering anymore"  I just want her here, i guess I became very selfish, because I would have taken care of her forever. We never felt their pain and I hope someday I can see their happiness now. Thats all I hope for.
Do come here and talk Sarah or just read---it really does help!!

Love, Steph

Re: missing my mom :(

Dear Sarah  I would like to add my condolences to those of others on the site.I am the same age as your mother and I lost my husband very quickly.With his case it was diagnosed on a routine test but the outcome was still terrible and so fast.I am a nurse too and the extra level of knowledge was quite a burden at times and other times helped
              kind regards   Janet

Re: missing my mom :(

Dear Sarah-

I have been where you are, and today I return again.  Month 8 is here today... 8 months without my banter with my Mom, insides jokes, all sorts of talks and lots of love.  I miss her so. 

I thought I would tell you I actually do understand, and am pissed that I do.  Anger is back today with a vengeance, and my focus is all over the map.  No matter your age, you miss your Mom.  I'll be 40 this year, and will miss her that day too.

Even realizing that this is real is making my anger more intense, so I will offer to you, that these feelings come and go, naturally.  Hang in there.  It is a very organic process for us all.  My best to you.  -ljg