Definitely get a medical power of attorney. Then you are entitled to know everything and have the legal right to this information. Your doctor may be worried about HIPPA standards which have to do alot with privacy issuses. HIPPA stands for Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act. Here is a link that explains it:
It has lots of good points in it but your doctor may be erring on the side of caution.
When my mom was diagnosed they got living wills made, power of attorney and medical power of attorney with my dad and my sister and myself listed on all. I'm in the medical field and I will tell you that the squeaky wheel will eventually get the grease. If your questions are not answered - KEEP ASKING. I have issues with a physician that refuses to answer questions unless he was explicitly bound by your husband's wishes. (Back to the HIPPA issue)
I once explained it to my mom like this. If you take your car in for service, watch them spend all day doing tests on it and then they say we'll get back to you in a few days and maybe then let you know something, you would have a fit. Remember when all is said and done in medicine you are ultimately paying for a service and deserve to get the best for your money.
Most of the clinicians I know and work with are compassionate and caring. Before your husband's next appointment call and ask to speak with the doctor's nurse or triage nurse and explain that he is having a hard time dealing with the ramifications of his cancer and that you need definite answers to help him make decisions when you are talking together at home. Tell them to pass along to the Doctor that you will have a list of questions that you will need answers for and will bring it to the next appointment.
At that appointment ask the questions. (Hopefully leaving a copy of your medical power of attorney with the office).
You are in a "war" here and you will need all the information you can gather to make decisions and plan strategies. This board is a wonderful resource and we all help each other.
I know it's frustrating to have to learn a new language but your husband is fortunate in having you as his advocate. Hang in there. We are all on a journey that none of us wanted to take and the accomodations all stink!!!! Come here and vent, ask questions and know we are all here for you!
My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.
"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is. Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.