Topic: A little light relief

We all have dealings with hospitals, some of them not too pleasant.  Hope this puts a smile on your face.

Actual writings on hospital charts by Doctors:

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert butforgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Re: A little light relief

Very cute, thanks Ron.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: A little light relief

Hi Ron....someone had sent me an American version but, the Scots are funnier yet.  Thanks for the laugh.

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: A little light relief

Oh my gosh Ron, that was just what I needed. I just posted my tail of woe today under general and was needing to vent and then I read your post. I feel so much better!! Thank you thank you for improving my day God Bless,
Jamie

Re: A little light relief

It is nice hearing from you Ron. I dont think I have seen you post in awhile and I miss them! With Peter gone, who is going to make fun of me?

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: A little light relief

Ron ,Im glad they were the doctors faux pas not the nurses
                                                         Janet

Re: A little light relief

Kris

You know how sensitive we Scots are.  When I have a go at you (all in the BEST POSSIBLE TASTE!), I am sure I hear the gasps of disapproval speeding accross the Atlantic.

I am just off to the Beatson, after a 3 week rest, so I may have new news for you later.  After 9 months on Gemcitabine the tumours have started to grow so I may learn about a new treatment today.

When I know what is happening I may just have another go at you.  So don't go posting any bad news just before or after I post.  Everytime you do that I feel so responsible .  See how sensitive I am?

All the best

Ron

Re: A little light relief

Ron,
Good luck at the Beatson and enjoy my lovely Glasgow...dont you love that even though I am not Scottish I have to claim Glasgow as mine (maybe I am a little greedy!)

LEt us know what they  say and what the new treatment is. Dont worry, I will have no bad news. In fact, I am feeling better today and my treatment has been postponed for a week to let my body recover. So I might even get to go swimming. I havent been able to do that since the oxilaplatin I am on makes me so sensitive to the cold. Life is looking good so go ahead and tease!

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: A little light relief

Kris

Thanks for the green light!  I'll do my best to have a gentle "wee go" at you, from time to time.

Your comment about Glasgow left me with no choice but to look out the words for this little song for you.  I'm sure you will have sung it at some social gatherings when you lived in Glasgow.

I belong to Glasgow,
Dear old Glasgow town;
But what's the matter wi' Glasgow,
For it's goin' roun' and roun'!
I'm only a common old working chap,
As anyone here can see,
But when I get a couple o' drinks on a Saturday,
Glasgow belongs to me!

As for my trip to the Beatson, I have been taken off Gemcitabine and will start a new regimen of Cisplatin and 5FU in six week's time.  This will involve staying in hospital overnight on the first week for the Cisplatin and 5FU and then having a pump filled with 5FU during the next two weeks.  Week four is back to Cisplatin.  This will last for 18 weeks.

Before that I will have some fluid drained from my lung.  This is to get rid of a persistent cough and pain in my side (so they say!)

The latest CT scan showed that the main tumour on my liver is now 18cm, and is being described as a conglomeration.  Anyway, it is a big bugger!  So we will see if the new chemo has any effect,

All the best

Ron