My heart breaks when I read your post. We all know how those feelings can be, and I think Lainy is right - it's "normal" for these "abnormal" times, or - these is no "normal" right now. For me, when I lost Butch, it's like I lost my anchor, and had nothing here to hold me in place, so I drifted along. We can tell you it does get easier as time goes on. You will still grieve, of course, but not with the same intensity as you are right now. Some of the things that helped me are - praying for strength and peace, the love of my family surrounding me, returning to work (it saved my sanity, I think), and our little dog Flash . Oh yes, - there was the trazadone I took also! It really helped, and I was able to cut it back with no ill effects later when I didn't need it anymore (a little at a time). I think it really helped me.
Thinking of you,