Topic: To those that have left us

I come here, from time to time, to talk to you... Mom.  I miss your smiling face and still get enraged when I remember this is real.  You are gone, but not at all forgotten.

It hit me again this past week, very hard, and I need a little more support now.  I talk to you in my head, and look at your beautiful photo.  But it's not the same, and you know it.

I wear your things, make meals off of the plates that you once ate from, and sleep in your special bed.  We are about to start unpacking more and more memories and I know that too will be difficult, but I do it to cleanse myself and move on, to remember, and especially not to forget. 

Where, exactly, do I put all this grief, and when will it ever stop; like you wondered about Dad... where do you go?  I need to hear from you somehow.

I distract myself, more forward more, and am stupefied when I am back to this.  I miss you Mom.  Today ~ tomorrow ~ always!

So... I will share my new house, my graduation, my business endeavors with you in my silly head, and hope that you know that it's for me.  But it's for you too.

Rubbing her shoulders now, your white kitty is here with me wanting lots of attention and love.  I give it to her for you and hope you feel it too.  We miss you.  XOXO (((hugs))) -ljg

Re: To those that have left us

ljg, you make me cry and at the same time you are an inspiration and comfort. Love and prayer are the transfer of energy, no matter the direction you send it. I'm sure your Mom feels that.  Through all the many 'little things' you do in honor of your Mom, she feels your love & loves you back!

Hugs to you ljg,
Tess

Re: To those that have left us

lig,
  i dont know of any words that would comfort you. but keep your memories of mom, her life and how she lived it and cry when you need to, crying is part of being human.  try and take comfort knowing that she is with you always, she will live in your heart and mind forever and she knows your love for her.....ron

Re: To those that have left us

ljg Keep on petting that kitty as it is making your mom smile.  Mom's never really leave their children, especially "special" moms who are missed as much as yours. She is all around you and guiding you and loving you.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: To those that have left us

Oh lig,

Your post was so touching.  I think about the day that my mom is gone, whether it be from cc or something else and it sends me into a panic.  I love her so much.  It is so obvious how much you loved your mom too.  What a wonderful daughter she was blessed with.  We are here for you. 
Big hugs to you, Amy

Re: To those that have left us

Ljg,
Boy did you get my tears flowing. What a lovely post. I sit here remembering my Mom and missing her. It's been almost 10 years since she passed and I still miss her. I still have some of her things that I cling to at times. As I travel this journey I am on, there are so many days that I wish my Mom and Dad were here to reassure me as they used to.  My Dad telling me, "Susie (his nickname for me) it'll all be OK" As a Mom myself, I worry about how my own children will deal with their loss. It breaks my heart sometimes to read posts from family survivors. I've talked to both of them and tried to let then know I will always be with them and how much I love them and what they have brought into my life. We've talked about "things", I've given them some of my things already and discussed who wants what. I've asked them not to grieve or be angry but to smile and celebrate my life when I am gone. I fight to be here for them for as long as possible. I want to see them get married, have their own kids, graduate from college. Of course, if I listen to the Drs, that will be impossible. They didn't know if I would be able to see my daughter graduate from High School last May. But I was there! It just makes me more determined to fight harder. Your Mom must have been a very special woman and Mother. I believe her love and spirit is with you always. You Mom was blessed to have such a wonderful and caring daughter. God Bless,
Jamie

Re: To those that have left us

Ljg,
I know a lot of what you're feeling. I wrote a similar note to my mother on this board a while back. I realized that one of the reasons I posted it on this board (besides the fact that everyone here is so empathetic and kind) is because I felt like I needed to make a public statement, a testatment to the greatness of my mother, to MAKE people remember my mother instead of just going on with their lives and forgetting. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who remembers she ever existed and I am SO ANGRY that such a wonderful, vibrant, funny woman should be forgotten so easily.

The pain gets easier to deal with, but never goes away. She will be with you always: through her memories, her belongings, her little white cat, but of course it's not enough. But it's all we have left of our motheres. We were truly lucky to have amazing mothers, and that's why it hurts so badly when they're taken away from us so cruelly.

I hope you found some peace in communicating to your mother; someone suggested I write letters to my mother, as it has a therapeutic effect, but I think visiting this board is my therapy, instead!

I wish you peace and I offer you my sincere sympathy and empathy on the loss of the most important person in your life.
Joyce M

Re: To those that have left us

I have not read these posts since the day I wrote my original post, a few days before I graduated and moved, etc.  Coming up on a year now since Mom left my side in the physical world, it's getting easier and harder to miss my Mom.  I think I'll write her again soon.  Thanks to you all for listening.  Life is as beautiful as is is ugly, and it is always amazing.  -ljg