Topic: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

What a day. I heard alot about chemo brain, but I wasnt expecting it to hit so hard. Today in Swedish class, we had an assignment where we listened to "easy" Swedish and then had to write what was said. This was all on the computer and we could listen to it as many times as we wanted...we could even slow it down so they talked VERY S--L--O--W. I would listen to a couple of words, then try to write. By the time I started to write, I had forgotten what was said. So I listened again. No luck. So then instead of sentences, I decided to go 4 or 5 words at a time. I still forgot. Then I decided to go 2 or 3 words at a time...still forgot. I honestly could not remember 2 or 3 words in a row. I broke down in the middle of Swedish class, crying like a baby with my mascara giving me raccoon eyes. My teacher (bless her) was very nice and thought that slowing down the recording would make it easier, but that just made the time between listening and writing longer so it was more difficult. I was trying to explain that it was my memory, not the speed of the language, but I was crying and so stressed that I am not sure she really understood. Then to top it all off, my nose started to bleed (one of the more interesting side effects of chemo) and I had to leave to the bathroom. What a scene! I am sure all the other students think I am weird because I disinfect the desk and computer before class starts because of my low white cell count. I dont know how I am going to go back to class again.

Bless Hans. He came home for lunch and I started crying again when I told him what happened so he took me out for Chinese. Yum.

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Thank God for Hans.  What a sweetheart! I hope that gave you an emotional boost and that you are now feeling better.  I know you will go back & do just fine.  You are dealing with so much and you have been so strong.  Your break down was well deserved.  Now you can pick youself up, dust yourself off & carry on.  You have Hans and all of us here behind you to give you all the strength, hope and support you want & need. Go back to class with your head held high. No one cares what the others think.  We all know & understand and if they don't or can't that is their problem, not yours.  Take care Kris.  We all love you and want you hanging out here for a real long time.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Hi Kris,
I feel so bad about your time in class.  I'm sending you a big hug from Cleveland, Ohio!  I hope the Chinese food helped.  You know my prescription to a bad day.....climb into bed with the TV remote!  Escape from reality for a while. wink


Betsy

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Kris,

I hope Hans and the Chinese managed to work their magic on you and that you feel a bit better now, and I'm sure you'll manage to go back to class!

Best wishes

Gavin

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Big hugs, Kris.  I cannot even imagine how frustrating and sad today must have been for you.  I have no doubt that everyone in your class will look forward to your return.  You have no reason to be embarrassed, and I'm sure some of them understood what was going on. 

You have an amazing husband!  Normally I would say Mexican food cures all, but I bet it's hard to get Mexican food in Sweden!  Chinese is the next best thing!!  I hope the Chinese food has kicked in, and you're snoozing away the yummy meal!

30-something caregiver

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Kris...disinfecting the computer before use in class is a smart move for all.  Flu season is coming our way!  Chemo brain comes and goes and you may just be on target for your next Swedish lesson.  Hugs to Hans for coming up with just the right remedy for a not so good day.
And of course, many hugs to you. 
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Oh how FRUSTRATING! Does your teacher know about your health situation? Do your classmates? A good teacher will make it comfortable for you to come back to class when you're ready, by talking to your classmates if necessary. (I taught English as a Foreign Language for 13 years so I know a lot about this kind of class.)

Maybe now isn't the best time to work on improving your Swedish, or maybe going to class isn't the best way for you now. You could try an audio course instead, or a conversation partner-- something you could do at your own pace on "good" days.

Kris, sweetheart, please be very very gentle to yourself and treat yourself like the treasure you are!

Hugs from

(the other!) Kristin

Peace, hope, and healing to all!

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Kris,

I don't think you give yourself enough credit - even on my best day ever I would likely have a meltdown were I taking a Swedish class!  Learning any foreign language is a challenge - but Sweedish? I can't even pretend to know any Sweedish as I don't know the names of any Sweedish food... smile

Don't be hard on yourself..

Bz

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Bazel wrote:

Kris,

I don't think you give yourself enough credit - even on my best day ever I would likely have a meltdown were I taking a Swedish class!  Learning any foreign language is a challenge - but Sweedish? I can't even pretend to know any Sweedish as I don't know the names of any Sweedish food... smile

Don't be hard on yourself..

Bz

I got two words for you...smorgasboard and ombusman! See, you do know some swedish! smile

Thanks for all the support. I am heading back to class in the morning with head high (it helps keep the thinning hair from view). I think I need to go back to class. I am struggling to keep up, but mentally I need it. I have come much closer to the realisation that I am not going to beat this beast. I am not the type of person to just sit around and wait for the ending. I need to be around people and to focus on something other than Leroy. So now matter how bad it gets in class, it is better than sitting at home thinking about the future. Besides, if I do beat this, I plan to have an anti-funeral at the 5 year mark where people get to do the exact opposite of a funeral...wear bright colors, say mean things about me, dance and laugh. I will need to give a good speach in Swedish for it.

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

10 (edited by Kristin Thu, 08 Oct 2009 05:39:06)

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

An ANTI-FUNERAL! Kris, you are too cool for words. Sign me up as a member of your fan club!

I can't speak Swedish, but, Har det bra! (maybe Norwegian works too)

Hugs,

Kristin

Peace, hope, and healing to all!

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Kris,

In the South (which WILL rise again)  we have a name for women like you....we call them STEEL MAGNOLIAS.  I now officially bestow upon you this moniker.  Wear it with pride. 

We steel Magnolias are famous for our "iron fist in the velvet glove" approach to problems and life in general.

You are now a member of a very special group of women.

Hugs to you always...you inspire me sooooo much!

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Ah Kris
You are such a star. I cannot imagine that your classmates would be anything other than glad to see you back - we all love you & don't have the priveledge of spending time with you in person!
I've had enough problems with anaesthetic brain - I'm sure chemo brain is far worse - but, I'll bet you can remember your name, Hans' name & what to order at the Chinese- that's pretty good for a bad day!

I'm still musing on your idea of a ladybird (ladybug!) tattoo (sorry, late reply to this thread) around/along your scar(s) - should it be sitting on a Steel Magnolia? Oh yes!

How about telling your class mates you have OCD when you start the disinfecting?

You take good care, stay strong & if that's not possible on a bad day, eat chocolate! Val x

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Kris,

A bit OT .. but in hindsight I really should have been able to name some Swedish food as I have actual been to Sweden a couple of times.  This thread made me think about my time there and I was reminded of one of my best ever travel stories. . .

Back in the day when I worked for the airlines, I had won passes on SAS. I asked a co-worker/friend who I knew was a

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Kris, I'm sorry I'm joining in late, but I'm so, so sad you're having such a rough time at the moment.  You were the very first person to welcome me here & I feel such a close affinity to you.  I'm thinking of you & hoping you feel better & better & better every day.

You are SUCH an inspiration & superstar.

Lots of love Julia xx

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Hoping you had a better day, Kris.  How was class today? 

Jolene

"Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain."     ~g. b. hinckley

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Jolene,
I actually missed class. My silly cat demanded attention at 5:00am and woke my sleepy self up with headbutts and purring. I couldnt go back to sleep but then ended up falling asleep on the couch in the middle of the day and napped right on through my class.

I am not sure how many of my class know what is going on. I have a couple of friends who I told, but definately NOT many. I have a fear of being treated differently if people know too much and I dont like to talk about it with people. It makes me highly uncomfortable to discuss my cancer with people. In fact when my friends try to talk about it, I change the subject...that is what my psychologist is for.

I went to my government and citizen class today and there are many overlapping students. Nothing was said, everyone was nice. The only bad part was that I ran my fingers through my hair and loads came out. Then I became obsessed with it and keep running my hands through my hair and pulling out all the loose hair. I wasnt too upset, more fascinated than anything at the time. I couldnt stop myself. It was weird.

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Hi Kris,

I hope all is much better now. Sorry to hear about the breakdown. I tend to get mine when I am riding the subway! No idea why, I just start to tear up. Love the anti-funeral. Here I have been thinking of having a living funeral if for friends and family if things don't go my way. Some people just don't understand that we have to joke around about these things smile

By the way - kudos to you for learning a new language during this difficult time. Just thinking about it makes me cringe.

All the best,
Mel

Don't let cancer ruin your day!

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Kris,

I also used to be a language teacher and I think the teacher missed a teachable moment here, I mean, how often is a teacher presented with the perfect way to introduce the vocabulary word "nosebleed" in Swedish?

I think the anti-funeral is hilarious, I am thinking of something bad to say about you...hmmm...always going and dying her hair some attention getting color and making us regular old brunettes look mousy...

Patty

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

You want bad about Kris? She always makes us laugh, sometimes till it hurts!
Louise

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

I am thinking my goodfriends and definately Hans will be complaining about the farts. They are a treasure.

And I am also sure someone would skewer me for my laugh. Truthfully I had a normal one until about college when I started to tease of a couple of friends with a bad laugh and then I got a weird laugh. I didnt know those spread!

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

You used the pronoun "They" at at the beginning of the second sentence. Are you referring to the friends and Hans, or to the farts?

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

My farts of course. I am sure their uniqueness qualifies them as a national treasure.

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

I am sorry but I think you are running a close tie with Teddy and he is not  undergoing chemo (we will know more Friday) . It must be the "fragrance" of the beast!!!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

I'm fascinated by the "farts" talk.  That's one of the things which my sister just can't get used to (although please don't tell her I told you wink wink).  It'll definitely reassure her to hear she's not the only one suffering this additional side-effect!!

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Re: My very embarrassing emotional break down.

Please tell your sister EVERYONE (well almost) has this very special problem. Its a gas! hehhe, like my pun?

I dont even blink an eye about burping or doing other things in public anymore. I try not to, but hey sometimes it slips out and sometimes relief is more important than social curtesy to people I dont know and whos opinions  mean nothing to me. Even Hans just rolls with the punches with this, though we have been known to laugh hysterically over it sometimes. Something about a very large fart in a public place reduces me to a giggling 7 yr old.

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope