Topic: My very embarrassing emotional break down.
What a day. I heard alot about chemo brain, but I wasnt expecting it to hit so hard. Today in Swedish class, we had an assignment where we listened to "easy" Swedish and then had to write what was said. This was all on the computer and we could listen to it as many times as we wanted...we could even slow it down so they talked VERY S--L--O--W. I would listen to a couple of words, then try to write. By the time I started to write, I had forgotten what was said. So I listened again. No luck. So then instead of sentences, I decided to go 4 or 5 words at a time. I still forgot. Then I decided to go 2 or 3 words at a time...still forgot. I honestly could not remember 2 or 3 words in a row. I broke down in the middle of Swedish class, crying like a baby with my mascara giving me raccoon eyes. My teacher (bless her) was very nice and thought that slowing down the recording would make it easier, but that just made the time between listening and writing longer so it was more difficult. I was trying to explain that it was my memory, not the speed of the language, but I was crying and so stressed that I am not sure she really understood. Then to top it all off, my nose started to bleed (one of the more interesting side effects of chemo) and I had to leave to the bathroom. What a scene! I am sure all the other students think I am weird because I disinfect the desk and computer before class starts because of my low white cell count. I dont know how I am going to go back to class again.
Bless Hans. He came home for lunch and I started crying again when I told him what happened so he took me out for Chinese. Yum.
36 year old patient with buckets of hope