Just diagnosed and afraid for my Dad.

I am sorry to hear about your Dad.  You were with him through it all and I am sure he was grateful to have you by his side.  He knew how much you loved him.  I hope you can find some comfort in that. 

I am taking your advice to try to just be there for my Dad as well.  Unfortunately, he said he feels like his health is all we talk about anymore and he says he is boring everyone.  He has also made the decsion to forgo all treatment.  I think it is because he feels like he is a burden or maybe he is just scared, I don't know.  He won't talk about it to me anymore.  He doesn't want me to even take him to the doctor anymore. 

I actually liked the idea of taking him to doctor daily because selfishly I could spend more time with him without looking like I was hovering over him.  I don't know if he needs to mentally sort things out so I am trying to just give him the same respect I gave him when he was healthy by respecting his decision but I know I will lose him sooner without treatment.  It makes me panicked and helpless.  I pray he will change his mind.

I know it wouldn't be fair for God to let me keep my Dad forever when the rest of the world has to lose thiers but it doesn't stop me from asking Him for more time.   Especially after reading your Easter post, I know that I need to just be grateful that I have him now.   It's just so hard to feel grateful when the feeling of fear and sadness is so much stronger. I am so happy to be able to spend this Easter with him and yet I am so sad because all I can think about iis that this is probably the last Easter I will spend with him.   Then I geel guilty for being so ungrateful for the time I do have.  I guess I have some things to sort out myself. 

Thanks for your advice.

Father's Duaghter,  I'm a Dad with the same disease with a Duaghter 28 years old and a Son of 26.   I can't forget my two grandchildren Brookie and PJ; age 2 and 5.  I don't really know what advice to offer you.  I can say all the thoughts you have expressed in your post are feelings My children and I have lived with and continue to do so.  I have CC on my entire liver, both of my lungs, and now a good possibility it has moved to my ribs and hip bones.  I was first diagnosised March, 1999 and still continue one day at a time.  I have had a couple operations, procedures, radiation, and currently on my 4th different regimen of chemotheraphy.  You know I've been through the complete cycle of hope, anger, mad at the world, tears, no hope, and  being scared.  Not scared of dying but scared to leave all my loved ones as I feel I can still help and want to help them just a little more.  I wasn't prepared and I guess still not as far as leaving my loved ones.  I have made peace with myself and with God now and know it is God's will for me to leave this earth maybe sooner or maybe later.  So far I have been given 8 years; Iv'e been able to relocate so my family is all together, I've been able to see both births of my grandchildren, I have just made another wedding aniversary (31 Years)....I at what time didn't think I was going to see our 25th.  You appear to have done some homework about this manipulating and cruel disease and know that it effects everyone differently as far as progression and treatments as well.  I remembered when I told my family I did not want to go through this anymore and I also told them I was just a burden to them all.  But it turns out I have been able to assist and help them all as well as them helping me through some tough times. You know I realized after a while this is "love" so surreal !  As far as respect goes ; I still expect respect from my children in the Dad way but I also respect there thoughts and suggestion as well or my Daddy tutoring would be all for not.  In saying that, wisdom comes from experience and age.  When it comes to end of life issues Daddy's are on an even playing field and some times have difficulty dealing with their loved ones as they can't rely on their wisdom; that gets a little scary.  I can honestly say I haven't worked through everything  myself and don't know if I ever will completely.  My duaghter still cries and doesn't understand she can't just give me a lung or part of her liver.  It just don't work that way.  My wife expresses trying something new and different but I refuse to put my family in a position where they would not have a roof over their heads.  Again if I can't do something or at least this one last thing, then my life may have ended sooner, who knows?  My life Insurance may not be much but I can leave this world comfortably knowing it wasn't sucked up by medical and hospital bills as I will pay ahead or as I go.  One thing I can say is that love will conquer the power of fear and sadness.  And You surely should not feel guilty about spending time with your Dad.  I have issuses with the hovering over me.  But we all came to an agreement that I want them to press on with their daily lives and if I need my space or when I need a little help I promised to let them know as I don't want this CC keeping the family hostage.  I could go tomorrow from a clot to the lungs or 3 months from now due to kidney failure, or maybe not until my 32nd Wedding Anniversary if this chemo keeps things moving slow.  Just let your Dad make his choices, as time progresses (the Issue Time) Dad may say oh I'll give it a whirl or maybe not.  Although it will be extremely hard you don't have to accept the no go, but respect and dignity comes in to play during these trying times.  Some call it stubbornest but others understand and  know Dads live the reality of life til the end.  There is hope all over the world!!!  Some of us fair better than others, We are all individuals with different results.  Praying to God for guidance and talking with Family and friends and even professionals will help.  But it is hard so hard no matter what.  Giving hugs and letting someone know how much you love them is hard for some hardliner Dads, usually because they were never showed how.
God Bless Your Dad and your Family and You!!!

Jeff G. 
  P.S.  There are new treatments being worked on everyday. Hope is in the Air!

Hi Father

My father was diagnosed last October.  He is 77 years old and until this had been the picture of health.  He had biliary bypass surgery, followed by many complications, but started radiation therapy in January.  He only had 11 sessions and had to stop because of infection.  He is not a candidate for chemo because of his very poor condition.

He is down to about 130 pounds (from 180), and his pain varies in intensity from day to day.  He takes oxycontin for the pain.  His most recent doctor visit revealed that his bilirubin and liver function haven't changed too much, but the tumor marker is elevated.

He remains determined to fight.  It is so hard for us, his family, to see him go through this.  He is extremely weak and understandibly depressed.

We spend as much time as possible with him and our mother and try to make this a happy time.   Our emotions are so mixed - we don't ever want to lose him, but we are devastated to see him is this condition.   We feel very hopeless.

Blessings to everyone.