Topic: My Turn

Since late October of last  year, I have been coming to this board. In the beginning, it was to gather information on treatments and when my Dad chose not to pursue it, I spent less time here, but I continued to check in and keep up with the folks here.

Now it is my turn to post a final update. My father passed peacefully and thankfully very quickly. He was able to go out to dinner as recently as 10 days ago. His decline, once started, was dramatic and he did not linger; he was on morphine for only 3 days.

My deepest admiration and respect (or perhaps words of wisdom for those who are still fighting) go to those caretakers who keep their loved ones at home and help them on their journey until it ends. I have never done anything more challenging and was unprepared for how difficult it could be. That said, I would not change any moment of it because it was the rewarding experience it was meant to be.

I can't say enough about Hospice and its people. Please encourage your friends to support them.

I intend to check in periodically. I don't have as much to contribute to newcomers here since our experience wasn't as involved as so many who admirably continue to share their wisdom even after their loved one is gone.
For me, I feel called to volunteer for Hospice.

(And, Carol , if you read this, I think my dad had the same nurse as Charlie.)

With gratitude and love,


2 (edited by magic Wed, 09 Sep 2009 04:00:00)

Re: My Turn

Jan,my sincere condolences to you and your family.I am glad your dad went peacefully and I am glad he and his family had such good care.It is very rewarding work the end of life nursing.I have done that job too and now been a recipient when my huband died earlier this year so I have seen things from both sides.
I think you were a great support for your dad,I remember your worries over treatment dilemmas.Im sure you have many wonderful memories.   
                                              Thinking of you    Janet
   Jan,I nearly forgot to say thankyou for your kindness towards me earlier this year,it was apreciated

Re: My Turn

I am so sorry for your loss. What a blessing that he was able to go out to eat just 10 days earlier and that it was a peaceful passing. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. As a patient, I appreciate hearing how the caregiver feels and their experiences. I  try and remember that although I am the one with this cancer it affects my family also. It's not all about me and I need to try and make this as easy for them also. Again thank you for sharing and I will be praying for you and your family during this difficult time. 
Take care and God Bless,

Re: My Turn

I hope that when my time comes, it is just like your fathers. A quick and easy passing with your loved ones is something we all hope for and sometimes is all there is left to ask for.

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure your father felt the support of his famliy during his illness as well as at the end. I hope the time comes when you remember him as he was, not as cc made him. Please know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers.


Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: My Turn


I too am sending my condolences.  I am so sorry for your loss.   Although this is a very hard time for you, atleast you can be comforted by the fact that he died peacefully. Your father will always be with you in your heart and memories.  Take care.  My thoughts & prayers go out to you and your family.

Love & Hugs,

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: My Turn

Dear Jan, while we are so very sorry for your dad's passing, he is now in a more peaceful place free of illness. You are a wonderful daughter and he loved you for walking this terrible journey with him. Our prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family. Please drop in and visit when you are so inclined.


Re: My Turn


I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know your Dad is in a better place and I hope by now he has met and is chatting with my mom comparing notes on their daughters. 

September the 3rd marked the 5 month anniversary of my Mom's death. 

This is still a difficult journey and I never believed that grief would be so hard.  I thought all of the anticipatory grief would somehow make it less hard but it doesn't.  I'm at the point where I remember more of the good times with Mom but I still have days where the memories of the last days comes flooding back. 

I am so thankful my sister and Dad and I were able to be with Mom when she died and that it was so peaceful.  Being a caregiver will give you insight into what kind of person you really are.  You will find a deep strength and a measure of love and empathy you didn't know you were capable of.

I also can't say enough about Hospice.  They were wonderful and because of their care and expertise, my Mom's passing was so easy and peaceful for her.  We had just two difficult nights and both times a nurse was there for us  within 15 minutes at 2:00 am and 3:00 am.

I've always felt close to you since we were both in NC.  You and your family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

You should be proud that you were able to help your Dad so very much.  You have walked a hard and difficult road and and this will give you so much insight as you volunteer with Hospice.

Keep in touch here on the boards...

Much love and Hugs,


My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: My Turn

Jan, I've thought about you and your Dad so many times since I joined the board back in Nov. Your correspondences helped my family through more than you know, and it breaks my heart that you too know the pain of losing your Dad to this. I am glad that it was a peaceful passing, and I know that you fought with and for your Dad all the way... so does he.

Here's hoping our Dad's can touch base on the other side...

I hope that you do pursue Hospice, you will continue to be in my thoughts.


Re: My Turn

Jan,  I am so very sorry to hear of your dad's passing.  How wonderful to know that he went peacefully and proudly. 

[When my dad was diagnosed, he and I made decisions together; he wanted to pursue treatment and wait on Hospice.  Toward the end, when he was getting more tired, I asked him again about Hospice and he said he'd leave that up to me, that he trusted my instinct on when it would be appropriate.  When he started cancelling chemo treatments, I figured it was time.  You are correct.  Wonderful organization.  Unfortunately, dad died the following week. 

We were, however, in the most fortunate situation in that, my cousin was a great support to me during this journey with my dad...and she is a hospice volunteer, as well as my dearest friend, the sister I never had.  She lost her mother to breast cancer two years before my dad died.  Another cousin had recently lost her husband to cancer.  So I had plenty of Hospice experience, wisdom and council around me, if not the Hospice program itself.  I am proud to say that my cousin also won the "Hospice volunteer of the year" award this year.  My family was in good hands.  The counseling she gave to me during dad's illness, and death literally saved my sanity and my spirit as a caregiver.]

What a great tribute to your dad to volunteer at Hospice.  I hope you pursue this call to serve Hospice patients and families.  From your previous posts to your most recent post, I sense such compassion and wisdom from you.  Your father is surely very proud of you and smiling down upon you.

Peace be with you and your family,

"Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain."     ~g. b. hinckley

Re: My Turn

Dear Jan,
So sorry for your loss, and that you had to join the rest of the bereaved here. I'm glad your dad was a trooper until the end. May he rest in peace and may you have some comfort from the fact that you had a wonderful father who loved you very much.
Joyce M

Re: My Turn

Oh Jan, I'm so sorry and I'm sorry I didn't know about your Dad.  Was Karen your Dad's Hospice nurse too? She was wonderful.  Did you get a chance to go to the Hospice Memorial service in Winston-Salem in Dec.?  I saw Karen there.  It was very nice.  Your Dad's name would have been up on one of the trees just like Charlie's was.  I think of you often and hope you're doing well.


Re: My Turn

Hi Carol,

Yes, Karen was his nurse. She came to the funeral also. I think she was surprised with Dad's sudden turn and didn't expect him to go so quickly. I still consider that aspect a blessing.  Karen is a nice lady and I appreciated her sharing her stories of losing her own father (maybe mother, but I recall the humor of the story nontheless).

I did not attend the Hospice service. I continue to be amazed by the breadth of their services. 

My Mom mentioned the Vogler's service too. I guess I am like my Dad on those things. I am sure he would have said, "Who wants to celebrate Christmas a a funeral home?!"  LOL

I may make it to the Lovefeast at Olivet. If I do should I look for you?