Topic: Mother, sister, grandmother, greatgrandmother, friend, hero

Maria Anna (Marian) Vanderwerff
April 11, 1930 - January 17, 2010

It's been just over a week since mom died. In true fashion, she waited for the hour when not one of her six children were by her bedside - I don't think she could bear to be with one of us. Instead she was with her favorite caregiver Kelly, for which we are all so grateful.

For those of you who knew about my mom, you know that she - like so many -  bravely fought this disease. Until a week before she died, she managed with tylenol 2s - I think she literally "willed" the pain to stay at bay, but when it did break through, it did so with a vengeance. Once the pain pump was adminstered, it was though she was ready to let go.

My brother flew in from Vancouver on Friday January 15th and went straight from the hospital to see her. He was able to spend all day with mom on Saturday (his birthday) with both me and one of my sisters.  She was still able to communicate with us - I know she heard everything we said and would occasionally try to chime in to let us know she was with us. Two of us were on our way to her bedside on Sunday morning when another sister got the call that she had died.

The last week has been fueled by a combination of adrenlin and relief. Her last week was so incredibly difficult to watch that a big part of me is glad she is at peace. And I do truly believe she is at peace. But the other part of me is filled with pain and grief and loss that seems incomprehensible. I'm not sure how I'll ever begin to fill the hole that she has left. I'm not sure it can be filled.

Mom, I will miss you for the rest of my life. I love you.

Re: Mother, sister, grandmother, greatgrandmother, friend, hero

Sharon, you are a very special daughter and your Mom knows that. She is all around you and one day you will know that she is still watching over you as I believe that Mother's never really leave their children.
I believe that part of grief is adjusting to not being on call, to not have to watch the decline of a loved one anymore and just a huge mental and physical break.  This is for you:

You will grieve my loss, but I have not gone. My body is beyond your reach, but my soul is touching yours. I am the one who enters your dreams. Caresses your face Hugs you. Misses you. I have not left, my spirit is with yours. I am all around you when you call. I am the gentle breeze when there is no wind. I am in the photo on the wall when you blink in disbelief. I am the song that enters your head for no reason, yet it reminds you. Don't grieve that I am gone. I am with you, beside you, in you. I will be forever.


Re: Mother, sister, grandmother, greatgrandmother, friend, hero

I am sorry for your loss.


Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope

Re: Mother, sister, grandmother, greatgrandmother, friend, hero

            I did think it was close for your mum.You did really well.I hope everything went ok afterwards.Sincere condolences,     Janet

Re: Mother, sister, grandmother, greatgrandmother, friend, hero

Dear Sharon,

I am so very very sorry to hear this news. Your mum did fight a very brave fight indeed and you did an outstanding job in fighting this with your mum and being there beside her through the journey. You are very special indeed.

My thoughts are with you and your family right now.


Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: Mother, sister, grandmother, greatgrandmother, friend, hero


So very sorry to hear your sad news. What an amazing daughter you have been, caring for your Mum at the time of her most need.

Thinking of you all now, this is going to be one of the most painful times of your life I would imagine. I know just how you are feeling, the grief is raw and so painful.

You will find more strength from somewhere to face the next few days and weeks.


Re: Mother, sister, grandmother, greatgrandmother, friend, hero

Dear Sharon,

I too wish to express my deepest sympathy to you and your family.  This will not be an easy time, but you will find the strength to get by some how.  We are all here for you.  You and your family are in my thoughts & prayers.

Love & Hugs,

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Mother, sister, grandmother, greatgrandmother, friend, hero

Dear Sharon - I'm so sorry.  I've been away from the boards for a few weeks so this posting is very late, but I'm thinking of you & your family.  I hope you are being gentle with yourself & are starting to regain your strength.

Love Julia

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson