I'm sure that stress does not help the battle against cancer. I'm posting both to get some feedback and to rant a bit and hopefully feel better. I don't know if there is any clinical data that suggests stress has any kind of a consequence on cancer or on cancer treatment - but if anyone has any info on this please pass it along!
I have really struggled with how to use my "good" time; the time that I'm not nauseous and fatigued from the chemo and the cancer. My family means the world to me and I have 2 big goals right now both related to them: 1.) Provide as much as I can financially by building up and maintaining our business. Due to previous health issues with PSC I was never able to get a great life insurance policy for them. 2.) Spend as much quality time with them as I can, make good memories, and make sure that they know how much I love them. Also to leave behind special letters for my kids for important days, etc (I've talked about that here before).
The problem is that goal #1 is stressing me out more than I have ever been stressed out before. The business is successful and viable long term but it has just turned into a tremendous amount of work lately and it seems like all of the things that could go wrong have all gone wrong at the same time! I know I can get back ahead of the workload eventually, but it is stressing me out tremendously. Under normal circumstances it would be quite stressful, but now I'm adding cancer and chemo to it - going back into work evenings after chemo treatments and then trying to have enough left in the tank to work on goal #2. It's been like like this for about 2 months now except for a couple of short getaways.
We just got back home today from a 5 day vacation to Florida with the family and that was a fantastic time. I didn't do much work at all and spent all of that time with family. But - upon checking in with work today, I found out about several important things that need to be done in a short period of time on top of the catching up for the last 5 days. I was prepared to go back in and grind to get caught up and running smoothly but not for a whole bunch of new work just put down on my plate. It's not like I can have someone else do it or ask my boss to help out because I *AM* the boss and there is noone else who can do most of this work. I guess I'm babbling now, but I'm sure you get the picture.
I can't do a good job of working on goal #2 if I'm so stressed out and behind on goal #1. Ugh. Any words of wisdom from those of you in similar circumstances? I really can't choose one goal/priority over the other because they are both so closely related! It's a little bit scary to know that frequently CC patients go from doing fairly well to being put into Hospice in a short period of time. It certainly puts a sense of urgency on all of the important things!
Thanks for listening and for any feedback.