1 (edited by Rick.Kamp Thu, 06 May 2010 10:20:07)

Topic: Mother's Day is coming up!

I just wanted to start a topic about Mother's Day.  There are so many good moms out there in the world that I think it is so important to have a day to recognize them.  I know this is an emotional topic, especially for those caretakers here who have lost their Mother's to CCA.  I hope that this will be a day of good memories for you to relive all of those great times. Becoming a parent myself (a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old) has helped me very much to appreciate the sacrifices that parents make.  Both of my parents are great people.  They continue to help my wife and I out with our crazy situation on an almost daily basis.  I love you, Mom.  And I love you too, Dad.

Moving on to my wife - wow what an amazing woman.  She is such a dedicated mother I am overjoyed that our kids have her in their lives.  Sometimes I wish she could spend less time with the kids and more with me, but that is just because the age of our kids requires so much attention which she freely gives.  She doesn't get much, if any, time to herself and is one of the most selfless people I know.   I want to do something very special for her and for my Mom this Mother's Day but I'm striking out so far.  Perhaps a hand written note for each of them is the way to go.  Since this is quite possibly the last Mother's Day that I will be here for, I want to make sure that both of them know how much I appreciate them.  If anyone has some ideas, please post them!

Thank God for Mothers and wives.  Even when our time with them is cut short, the precious time that we do have with them is beyond measure.  I am also praying for all of you caretakers here who have lost your Mothers.  It isn't my intention to cause anyone grief, rather it is to relive all of those good times and to honor our mothers and wives.

Rick

Ulcerative Colitis 1990, Stage 0 colon cancer and subsequent colectomy with J-pouch in 7/2005, PSC 7/2005, Klatsin CCA 8/2009

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Rick,

As a mom, I think a note expressing what you have here would be the most wonderful gift you can give to both your mom & your wife.  I know personal things like this mean more to me than any gift I could be given.  You are a wonderful, kind hearted person to think of what you can do for them, with all that you are facing.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Rick, you are quite the MAN! My son started writing me letters on my Birthdays and Mother's Day. He mentioned many things some of which I never even knew he knew about. The letters are priceless! I vote for the notes/letters. And the women in your life are very lucky to have a man like you . I hope you are laughing next Mother's Day at the thought you had for this one....

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Rick:

After my mother passed away, I was given the chore of going through all of her belongings.  (Why with 8 siblings did it fall to me, I do not know)  But in the process, I found letters that my parents had written to each other during their courtship and during the early years of their marriage.  Mom had them in a drawer in the bookcase.  I put them in chronological order by postage date, and sat down one day and started reading them. 

Let me tell you that I very quickly saw my parents in a different light.  Those letters took me through their courtship, wedding plans and early years of their marriage.  I never realized how much of a 'romantic' my father was.  Continually throughout his letters to my mom he called her "My Dearest Marcella", and every letter was signed "Love, from Jimmy".

You could start writing love letters to your wife, and hopefully she will keep these letters for your children to find someday!  What a wonderful legacy.  Speaking from a child who found her parents 'love' letters, it gave me a feeling of such awe and opened my eyes to how much my parents loved each other. 

They went on to have 9 children.  To date, all of my sisters have now read the letters.  Only one of my brothers has read the letters, the other three have no interest, but I'm still working on getting them to read those letters.  And I have started having our children also read the letters.  Again, what a legacy!

My parents were married for over 30 years when pancreatic cancer took my father at the age of 57.  My mother lived until she was 74.  Although the letters sat in a drawer for many many years for each of their children who have read those letters, it has given each of us a whole new perspective on who our parents were and how much they really loved one another!

I suggest writing letters to your wife.

Go with God and KEEP KICKIN' THAT cancer.

Margaret

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Rick,

A vote for the letters/notes but don't overlook making a video or recording.  My Mom has been gone a year and I would give anything to hear her voice.

You are an amazing man, son, husband and father.  You'll do the perfect thing!

Hugs to you and yours!

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

6 (edited by Darla Fri, 07 May 2010 06:43:08)

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Margaret,  Thanks for your input.  I have letters that Jim & I wrote to each other when he was in the Navy before we were married and also after when he was at sea.  I will definately keep them for my boys to read after I too have passed.   Yes it will be a wonderful legacy to pass on to them.

I also agree with you Pam.  I wish I had a video or recording as I too would give anything to hear his voice once again.  I don't even have his voice on the answering machine or voice mail as we were together almost all the time. 

All good suggestions for those who like you Rick are lucky enough to be able to plan ahead.  Being diagnosised with CC is definately not lucky, but being given time to do some of these things for your loved ones is.  I am hoping you will be with them for a long time to come, but those things will always be there for them if and when you are not.

Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Hi Rick,

My weekend was very busy with the holiday, but I just wanted to see how yours worked out.  Did you write the letters to your wife and mother?  I really hope so.  A while ago you brought up "leaving" something for your family and I mentioned the videos and letters for something for them to hold onto when many many years from now you are no longer with them!  Keep the faith and keep hoping.  BUT back to the topic of mothers....I know how my own mother gets when I write something poinant in a card or just a quick note to stick to her birthday card or mothers day card, whatever.  I see it in her face (and her tears at times), but it's happy tears.  She loves it and says I always know the best things to say.

I see that you're one of those people too.  I hope you had the time to "say" them in a way that they will always have them.  I still have cards that my husband gave to me many years ago.  And a scrapbook of the places and things that we enjoyed when we dated and were first married.  Some people may not be sentimental now, but wish that they had those things later.  Better to do it so they can have it if they choose.

Talk to you next Mother's Day to see what you might want to do for 2011!

Keep on fighting.

LInda Z.

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain."

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Linda,

Thanks for checking back and for your suggestions.  Mother's Day was a bit of a challenge because I was not feeling well but it was still great to see all of the family.  I did write those letters and I am glad that I did.  I just dropped them in a place that they could open them later so they didn't have to read them on the spot and I think that worked out the best.

I am still working on leaving behind some written words for important dates for my kids (baptisms, graduations, first dates, weddings, etc) but struggling with what to write to my wife.  I want to write something to her but probably not anything far out into the future.  She is only 30 years old so at some point I would hope she would find someone to remarry and I wouldn't want to cause her any grief once she moves on.

Rick

Ulcerative Colitis 1990, Stage 0 colon cancer and subsequent colectomy with J-pouch in 7/2005, PSC 7/2005, Klatsin CCA 8/2009

9 (edited by marions Wed, 12 May 2010 20:43:09)

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Dearest Rick....I am the wife of a husband taken by this disease and I can assure you that everything and anything left by him including, his love letters and caring instructions have been of enormous comfort to me.   I believe that the unspoken words are the one's mourned the most.  As time is passing I find myself drawn to his well crafted words.  I am in a new relationship however, what I have had with my husband will never be taken from me.  It is part of who I am today and it will continue to guide and inspire me for the rest of my life.  It is of most importance to know that I had been loved by my husband unconditionally.   This is the gift he has left with me.  You are such a gift to those in your life also.
Hugs
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Hi lovely lady. You are something else. I loved the phrase you wrote that the unspoken words are the ones mourned the most. 

And.......we are so very happy for you. Well, Teddy may be a bit jealous of his girlfriend but really we are so happy!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Ha, ha,  I was trying to keep the new relationship a secret from Teddy.
Hugs and thank you to both of you,
Marion

THIS INFORMATION IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Now that this Mother's Day has passed I am thinging forward to the next ones.  Since my kids are too  young to really do anything special on their own yet I am brainstorming a way to preplan something for the upcoming special days from them.  I know my wife pretty well and could leave some ideas behind with someone close and maybe ask them to help the kids with making cards and my other ideas.  There are several close friends and family members I could have help me with this.  It's not something I really want to put my stamp on but it would be great if she had something really unique and creative from the kids.

Since you've all been so supportive I would love your help brainstorming some more.  What are some of the best things Mother's day gifts/cards, etc that you have ever gotten from your kids?  I've love to preplan something great for Cindy on future Mother's Days when/if I am not here.

Rick

Ulcerative Colitis 1990, Stage 0 colon cancer and subsequent colectomy with J-pouch in 7/2005, PSC 7/2005, Klatsin CCA 8/2009

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Rick,

Handwritten and from the Heart immediately comes to mind.  I have several cards that were handmade (even from college children) that simply told me why they thought I was a great Mom.  Handmade cards and video cards would be really great. 

Both of my children have turned out to be amazing young adults.  They've chosen spouses that I love and respect.  They are compassionate, intelligent, and amazing if I do say so myself  *grin*

You are so wonderful to be thinking ahead.  Your family will bless you.

Hugs,
Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: Mother's Day is coming up!

Rick,

I agree with Pam (Cherbourg)...something from the heart and handmade would be terrific.  I would say she might enjoy something that also keys in to what she might really like to do.  Does Cindy enjoy reading, gardening, cooking, whatever else?  Knowing that someone pays attention to me when I tell them something I'm interested in or that they know what I really like makes me happy.  It gives you importance knowing they understand you or really pay attention when you speak or when you are excited about something.  Not that they don't love you already, but that they really "get" you.  Maybe start with that, and of course anything from the girls will be greatly appreciated and treasured.

One thing I wanted to do for the future was to plant a tree as a living remembrance.  Either in our yard or somewhere they go often.  (or have someone do it afer).  A close friend of my brother's passed away 2 years ago from another kind of cancer (he was in his early 40's).  He left behind a wife and 3 young kids.  He was an avid golfer, and all his golfing buddies got together and planted a tree at a golf course they frequented, as a living remembrance of him.  Keep us up on your progress!  Maybe I'll get a few ideas I can pass on to my family too!

Linda Z.

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain."