Topic: 3 months to long

I just found this board today.  I like that it has certain subjects that we can talk about.  It has been three months today, that my Wayne went to see Jesus, at 4:27 p.m.  It feels like yesterday.  I was standing holding his hand by his side, when he left.  Today I went and sat by his side and cried at that never forgetful time.  It just happens to be my daughter's birthday, she noticed the minute he went.  Coming to this site today makes me feel like I'm not alone.  Other sites that I've seen, is for any kind of death, no one had heard of this killer.  I've even had to explain to nurses, and medical personal what bile duct cancer is, their not even sure what organ, or organs are involved.  Wayne was diagnoised last summer, the doctor told us what type of cancer he had, but that was it, no details.  On Feb. 10th after we had been in the hospital for two weeks, I asked our doctor, was it now stage 4, he said it was stage 4 when we found it last summer.  He never told us, he told us nothing.  He gave us no choices, we had no idea how close we were to dying.  He finally told me he had six months that day in Feb., one week later like I said he went to see Jesus.  We have been married for 35 years.  I guess I've said enough for my first time.  Life with Wayne, I could write a book, but that's for next time.  I'm not sure were I am at the grieving I cry everyday, I'm taking something to sleep, something for my aniety attackes, and my blood pressure.  I still feel like I'm going to go off any time.  I can't keep my mine on any subject for very long at a time, you probably can see that.

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate

Re: 3 months to long

Hi,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  You have my most sincere sympathy and condolences.  I can really relate to how you are feeling.  What you are experiencing is what many of us have and are still going through.  I found this site a few days after my husband passed away.  It will be 2 years the beginning of September and I miss him more each day.  Finding this site and all the wonderful people here has helped me get by.  Just knowing there are others who truely understand what it is like to lose someone you love to this disease is comforting.  What you are feelilng and experiencing is normal for what you are going through.   The sadness and loneliness don't really go away, but every day is a little easier.  You just go on the best you can.  I feel like it will always be there, but you learn how to live with it.  Try to take comfort knowing that Wayne is no longer in pain or suffering and that he will always be with you in your heart and memories.  Right now that is not much consolation, but hopefully it will help.  Stick with us here.  There is always someone to listen when you need to let your feelings out.  The strength and support here is remarkable.   Take care and know that we are all here for you and each other.  My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

3 (edited by Cherbourg Tue, 18 May 2010 05:35:57)

Re: 3 months to long

Dear MissingWayne,

I'm so sorry you had to find us but we are so glad you did.  I lost my Mom to this monster of a disease in April 2009.  I'm still grieving but it does get a little easier with time.

I wanted you to know that we have a wonderful Dr. on the site.  If you look under "Patient Support" you'll see "ask Dr. Giles".  You can submit questions and he will answer.  One of the questions there seems to capture what you're feeling right now.  In his response to another person on the board, Dr. Giles writes: 

............I would gently suggest to you, (Rochelle), that the depth of your feelings are a testament to the significance of the place your husband has in your life. The magnitude of your pain and devastation signifies how precious he was to you--and that's a good thing. Please do not hurry through this extremely tender time. Your sorrow is a result of the loss of a good man.........

It's obvious how much you loved your husband and how much he meant to you.  Please know we are all here for you. 

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: 3 months to long

Hi  I too understand how you feel,and its not a good place to be.I lost my husband just over 3 months from diagnosis and he was well,it was picked up on a routine checkup.Sometimes I feel as if I am still processing it all.
  It was very hard for me because as an RN I knew exactly what cholangiocarcinoma was and what would happen so the initial diagnosis was the biggest shock I have ever had in my whole life.
You need to be very patient and kind to yourself.It will ease a bit with time and not feel so devastating.Grief is very,very tiring and your energy levels will be low for a bit but it will improve.Gentle exercise of any sort helps a lot.If you have some counselling available that can be good too,worth a try.
                           My very sincere condolences          Janet

5 (edited by missingwayne Thu, 20 May 2010 17:44:15)

Re: 3 months to long

Thanks, y'all for your words of encouragement.  Guess what I'm doing now you guessed it crying.  Now that another school year is coming to an end I'm going to have more time to cry.  My daughter was hinting for me to take some cake decorating classes with her, I told her it would be fun.  Only class we ever took together, was a American History college course, I really enjoyed it.  It was that English class I took that I thought was going to do me in.  Cake decorating should be fun, as long as I don't have to bake the cake, I don't like to cook.  Last night I didn't eat supper, tonight maybe some cereal.  Talking about something maybe fun, tears have stopped for now.  In a couple of weeks hospice will be holding some couseling groups, I'm going to try that, see were it takes me.  I was just thinking, it is amazing, we are all from different parts of the country, I'm from Louisiana, sixty miles north of New Orleans, and some of us are from other countries, on the other side of the earth, but we all have something in common, our LOVE for our LOVED ones.

Thanks for listening,
Terry

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate