End stage- please help

Thank you Janet for your kind words. For now, we are planning on having the wedding. My dad will not be able to attend but he says he will feel much more at peace to know that I am married and have started a family of my own. My dad is quite the family man himself. I don't know why but he says that my wedding is the only thing keeping him alive right now and he is determined to make it to next Tuesday. We are just so worried what would happen if he doesn't make the next seven days. It is just really hard because he rarely eats or drinks and is in constant pain. He can't really move around either and lies in bed 24/7. He is also having difficulty talking. While physicaly he is very weak, his mind is 100% alert when he is awake.

Hana,

I would try and respect your Dad's wishes to try and have the wedding. 

Is there something you can do to try and alleviate his pain?  Pain is very tiring on the body.  Perhaps his doctors could recommend something? 

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Pam

My dad is on Durogesic D- Trans patch to relieve his pain. He has been on it for the last 2 weeks and the effect is not as strong as before. Has anyone have experience with this patch? The doctor recommended that we use a patch and a half now. My dad is determined to not start on hard pain medication because he says he wants to stay as lucid as he can. While I believe that he is in severe pain, he does not express it to us. While he can barely talk, he is still adament that he will live until Tuesday.

My dad's feet started swelling up today and his belly is very large. Everywhere else he is basically bones because he lost so much weight due to the cancer. I know this is hard to discuss, but can anyone share the last few days of your loved one's life? I am trying to get as much information as possible to look for signs and prepare myself. My dad has refused all hospice care and it is just me and my mom at home taking care of my dad.

Dear Hana,

I am very sorry to hear what you and your dad are going through right now. I went through this last year with my dad so I know how hard it is and what you are going through right now. Like you, I hate cancer and what it did to my dad, and as you say, both you and my dad did not deserve this.

I can't help you with your question regarding your dads pain patches as my dad never had those. When hospice stopped the majority of his meds, he was still getting his pain and anti nausea meds through a syringe driver that was topped up as and when required. He was also getting pain killing injections as and when required and this seemed to work. I do hope that you can get some sort of pain meds for your dad that work for him. As far as hospice care for my dad went, I have nothing but good things to say about this. All of his nurses and doctors took the best possible care of my dad and nothing was too much trouble for them, and he was made as comfortable as was possible.

I posted quite a bit about my dads last days and his time in the hospice. Here is a link if you want to read about them. Please feel free to ask me anything specific and I will help if I can.

http://www.cholangiocarcinoma.org/punbb … hp?id=3623

We know how tough a time this is for you right now, so please feel free to come back here as much as you want.

I will keep you, your dad and all of your family in my close thoughts.

Gavin

Hana,the patches are slow release so try the 1 and a half.He probably needs something short acting as a breakthrough.You really need the hospice care even if it is for support and advice only,try and get it organized explaining your fathers reluctance but filling them in on the situation.I dont know how it works in Korea as I am in Australia but hospice care is about family as well as the patient.If you have had contact with them it will be easier if things change and you need urgent support.
I wish you well with your wedding plans                      Janet

Hana,your dad sounds such a nice man!What a difficult time for you all,but this is how life is,it just rolls on!Your dad sounds like he hasnt got much time left  so say everything you need to and make this time as special as you can,I have been through a similar time too.Good luck Hana              Janet

My father passed away on June 5th, a day after my wedding ceremony at my Dad's bedside. It was a beautiful event and my dad even though so weak and in pain smiled and cheered for us. He even managed to clap his hands as we walked in! He passed away exactly 30 hours later. I firmly believe that a person chooses the time when he decides to leave this world. In fact, after the ceremony, he told us that he can now leave this world peacefully and said he has reached his limit. He then turned to my fiance and told him "I trust you".
The end happend rather abruptly. I was so fortunate to be with him until the very end. He even managed to crack a little joke 15 minutes prior to his passing. The last two days before his death, his breathing was very heavy on and off. His mouth was very dry but he managed to drink water even minutes prior to his death. He was unable to go to the bathroom for about a day and he kept wanting to go but couldn't. He kept complaining of back pain because he was always lieing down so we tried to move him around a little. All of a sudden, his eyes rolled backwards and we could tell that we were losing him. And within seconds he was gone. Just like that.

I think every case is different and every person has their own unqiue experience at the end. My father while very tired and weak was had a 100% cohesive mind until the very end. My dad wanted to die in dignity and this he did. He stayed very sharp and responded to us even the last hour of his death. We did notice something different on his last day. Usually he had his eyes closed all the time during the last few days. But after my wedding ceremony by his bedside, that whole day, his eyes remained open. He stared out into the window and into the sky for hours the very last day and didn't want us to leave his side which was a little unusual of him. He was in so much pain at the end but it was only on the last day that he started taking oral pain medicine. He was on the patch for about a month. I hope this information is helpful to those looking for what is in the end stage. Again, every patient's experience is very unique. Just be with him or her and talk. I told my dad everything i have always wanted to say in the last few weeks of taking care of him. Nothing was left unsaid.

Hi Hana,

Your post tho' sad is also wonderful.  I am glad things worked out as they did.  Now your Dad has moved on and is no longer in pain or suffering.  He will be with all of you forever in your hearts and memories.  Wishing you the best in the future.

Darla