• Gavin
  • Gavin
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  • From: Scotland - Dundee
  • Registered: Tue, 23 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 4,832

Topic: Not a good day today.

Hi Family,

Not sure where to post this, so thought I would post here. As I said in the thread title, today is not a good day. It is the 12th of July and today is my dads birthday, he would have been 66 today. What we would have done had he been here was to go out for an Indian meal to celebrate his birthday, dad sure did like his Indian food, as I do to and he would have washed it down with a few of his favourite ice cold lagers!

I guess today is just another one of these days now that we have to get used to without dad, first christmas, first fathers day and first birthday etc. And last night was the final of the world cup in South Africa which we would have watched together and no doubt argued with each other about who would win and why.

And just to top off today, I had to go to the undertakers to pick up dad's ashes.

Thanks for listening.

Gavin

  • Lainy
  • Lainy
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  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,219

Re: Not a good day today.

My Dear Gavin, so sorry to hear all about today. Now for the good news:  Dad is watching over you and he is so very proud of the Man you are and he is so grateful that you take care of your Mom and are such a wonderful Cousin to all the wee ones. And, I am sure he is thinking, it won't be long now, son, and you will know I am all around you....just look for my signals. Love to Mum as well.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: Not a good day today.

Oh Gavin,

I know just what you are feeling.  This is my second year since Jim passed and I still have my really down times especially this time of year.  Father's Day, then his 64th birthday would have been 7/2 and also it was this time of year all his problems started and by 9/2 he was gone.  So, know I share your feelings and grief and that I am thinking of you.  As Lainy said, they are all around us, we just have to be sensitive to the signs.  That is comforting.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: Calgary, Canada
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Mar 2010
  • Posts: 361

Re: Not a good day today.

I'm thinking of you today Gavin - I can only imagine the feelings you are faced with on days like this, and don't look forward to facing them eventually myself.  I think you should go out and enjoy that Indian meal and those lagers in his memory... I'll have one with my husband tonight and we'll cheers to his birthday, and to you and your warm memories of him smile  He's with you always.

Jen

  • From: New Bern, North Carolina
  • Registered: Tue, 30 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 682

Re: Not a good day today.

Oh Gavin,

Believe me I know how hard these special days can be.  Even the not so special days.  My grief and memories can be triggered by birthdays or just passing someone wearing my Mom's perfume.

You are such a wonderful son.  You took care of your Dad and made his passing easier knowing he was leaving your Mom in your very capable hands. 

I think you should enjoy the Indian meal and knock back a few in honor and memory of your Dad.  If you want, we can argue world cup in that I think the best team won!

Try and reflect on the good memories.  I know he's watching over you.

Hugs on this hard but special day....

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.
  • From: Kalmar, Sweden
  • Registered: Sun, 20 May 2007
  • Posts: 1,951

Re: Not a good day today.

Gavin,
I usually try to stay out of this section because as a patient it upsets me, but I could not turn away from your post. You were wonderful with your dad (and mum as well). It is not fair the way things turned out and that you had to pick up his ashes today...but perhaps you could think of it as his gift to you...to help remind you of everything he meant to your family and how you are his legacy (and what a warm, wonderful legacy that is).

Continue remembering him as he was and you honour him.

Hugs,
Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope
  • From: Myrlte Beach, SC
  • Registered: Fri, 17 Oct 2008
  • Posts: 84

Re: Not a good day today.

Darla,
My husband Gary's birthday was also 7/2.  He would have been 62 and this was the first b'day without him.  I am in CA visiting my daughter so went to a winery that day(one of our favorite pastimes).  While tasting some wonderful wines I met a young couple who took a sincere interest in my story of Gary.  They were absolutely heaven sent and I was sure to explain to them how much their company meant to me.  After leaving the winery I cried my eyes out...but it was one of those cleansing cries that leaves you exhausted but comforted.  So many firsts...    Elaine

Live each day to the fullest

ElaineW's Website

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: Not a good day today.

Elaine,

How wonderful that you could talk about Gary.  It made the day special.  Sometimes it is easier to share with strangers than those close to us and sometimes those strangers are more understanding and sympathetic.  I am sure that it meant a lot to you and also to them.  As for crying your eyes out, I still do that at times and yes they are good cleansing tears that leave you exhausted, but feeling better.  It is interesting how these opportunities to talk about our husbands seem to arise when we need them the most.   It is all so hard, but we will get through this together one day at a time.

Take care Elaine and know that I will be thinking of you and all the others here sharing this journey of grieving.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: Manchester,England
  • Registered: Mon, 03 Aug 2009
  • Posts: 328

Re: Not a good day today.

Oh Gavin,

I'm so sorry you have had a difficult day on your Dad's birthday. I have to apologise because with one thing and another I haven't been on for a while to check in with everyone.

I'm sure your Dad will have been by your side watching the match and shouting at that 'English ref'!!!

Thinking of you and your Mum, and what a coincidence, we picked my Dad's ashes up from the undertakers on his birthday last August....

I have just had every one of the 'firsts' and we are now entering our second year without Dad.

Take care, Katie

  • Gavin
  • Gavin
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  • From: Scotland - Dundee
  • Registered: Tue, 23 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 4,832

Re: Not a good day today.

Hi Family,

Thank you all so much for your kind words and for your support, it means so very much to me indeed. The last few days have been tough for mum and I, but I am feeling much better today and mum is as well. Yes these special days are tough to deal with, but dad would have wanted us to remember the good times and the laughs that we all had over the years, so that is what we will do.

Mums sister was over today along with my little cousin Clare and her daughter Elidh and Arran was also there. So as you can imagine it was a very busy day with a lot of chaos thrown in as well! I have no idea where Arran gets all that energy from, but he certainly used a lot of it in attacking and jumping on me! But to be honest, it was just the sort of day that we needed, even if I did pick up a lot of bruises! And tomorrow my other little cousin will be over, with Arran again! And no doubt he will be just as energetic tomorrow and expecting round 2 of attacking me!

Thank you all so much once again for everything!

Hugs to you all,

Gavin

  • From: South Elgin, IL (near Chicago)
  • Registered: Fri, 12 Mar 2010
  • Posts: 303

Re: Not a good day today.

Gavin,

Isn't it special how children are able to help us take our minds off of the more troubling issues for us?  They do have so much energy, and are so full of life.  I bet it was good to remember your Dad that way.  Did you get a few cold ones in too?  Lift a few to his memory. 

My father passed away 1 month after my son was born (who is now 5-1/2 yrs old).  What a blessing (in so many ways) to have him to take up my time.  The "firsts" still came and I still had to handle them, but they were easier with my son and family around.  The trials get easier and the memories grow more mellow and full of life themselves. 

Thank you for sharing, and for all you do on this board in great memory of your father.  You are certainly the very loving son to remember him this way and are a great legacy to him.  Big hugs to you, (we can all use lots of them can't we?) your Mum, and to the little ones.

Best wishes,

Linda

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
  • From: London
  • Registered: Fri, 28 Aug 2009
  • Posts: 1,058

Re: Not a good day today.

Dear Gavin - I'm sorry you've had such a rough time.  I hope Arran continues to jump all over & around you & I hope he teaches Elidh how to do so, too.  My mum is with her great-granddaughter (my great-niece), Neve, this week & sent me a photo.  Wow, she's growing up soooooo fast.  She's 2 now & she's becoming the focal point of the whole family.  I know how much good being with her is doing my mum this week & I know from your FB page how much you & your little cousins enjoy each other's company.  I hope your days get better & the pain gradually diminishes.

Hugs to you there from us here
Julia xx

Missing my lovely sister ...

"When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars" - Lee Salk

Lalupes's Website

  • teresa
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  • Registered: Tue, 23 May 2006
  • Posts: 123

Re: Not a good day today.

Hya Gavin
These firsts of everything are so tough on all around you.
Everyone can see how special dad was to you, and you gave your all.

Your family are around both you and mom, speak of memories let there be laughter with the children and you will be both ok.
I promise. love and light Alans mom

U.K.Member