Topic: I will never again be 100% happy
It's been a long time since I have visited this site but I really need to hear from people who understand. October 20th, 2010 will mark the second anniversary of my moms passing at the young age of 52. From diagnosis to death, those 6 weeks were the worst of my life. Since then so many things have changed. January 29, 2010 my husband and I welcomed the most beautiful baby boy into our lives. Everytime I look at him, I fall more and more in love...and then it hits me. He will never know his Grandmother, the woman who loved him more than anything before he was even conceived, he will never hear her infectious laugh or taste her amazing meals. I look at him and think I can't imagine ever leaving him in life and then I think of my mom who lwas forced to leave her 3 children behind. I wonder if she thought of all the things in life she would miss each time she closed her eyes at night. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder....and then I can't breathe. The pain and sadness overcomes me and I feel like I am living it all over again. I miss her more then words could ever describe, but it hurts too much to remember, good or bad...and so I push the memories out of my mind and try to get through the day. I laugh with my family and friends, I play with my baby boy, I cuddle with my husband. I should be happy but then I am reminded that I am here and she is not and never again in my life will I ever be 100% happy. It's not fair!!!! Will it always hurt this much?