Topic: Weekly vent...will, estate planning

I just checked my previous posts, and my last vent was last Wednesday.  I'm about due for another one.

Besides my Mom (aged 64) being on home hospice for her CC recurrence which is terminal, my Dad (aged 69) is progressing with his vascular dementia.  His short-term memory is all but shot.  We tell him almost daily that Mom's dying of cancer, and every time we tell him it's like the first time he's heard it.  He says the doctors are all quacks because they can't cure my Mom.  Every day he visits Mom at my sister's house where she's staying, and every day tries to talk her in to coming back home.  Which is impossible.  He's obsessed with collecting things from in and around the house, mostly keys and wallets.  Which means we often can't find his car or house keys.  He knows my name but often forgets I'm his daughter.  That doesn't bother me as much as when he looks at my daughter, the oldest grandchild at 11, and says, "Who are her parents?"  He watched her 3 days a week from aged 3 months to 9 months.  Stuff like that is REALLY hard.

My sister and I are trying to get everything in order as far as our parents' will, bank accounts, POA, etc. I am just so frustrated.  At some point, my poor Dad must have forgotten the code to their lock box in the den.  He somehow pried the entire door off with a crowbar!  So much is missing, misplaced somewhere in their house.  We can't find their passports, the last few tax returns (we're worried he didn't complete them properly), and most importantly his POA documents and the will.

I have some attorney names, and a list of questions for them.  I guess I'll be on the phone most of the day tomorrow.

I'm just feeling pissed off right now.  Once every week or so I go through this - why us, why me?  Not only is my young beautiful mother dying of cancer, my father is not my father anymore. I'm feeling really angry and almost bitter.

Sorry, this really doesn't even belong on this forum, maybe not even on this website, since most of my frustration today has nothing to do with cholangiocarcinoma.  But I feel a little better when I type it out.

Took my Mom for bloodwork this morning, including the CA19-9 marker.  She has an appt with the oncologist next Tuesday to find out the results and to get his decision one way or the other if she can go on the family cruise next Thursday.  I have very mixed emotions.  Just getting to and from the bloodwork lab, and an hour in Macy's looking for a new purse and some cruise clothes for her, she was completed worn out.  Like she could barely make it from the front seat of my van to the wheelchair.

OK, if you read all of this, you're a saint.  Thanks.

my mother lost her 16 month battle with CC 9/26/10
"Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations as all other earthly causes combined."

Re: Weekly vent...will, estate planning

Kimmie, this is Saint Lainy asking, "It's been a week already?"  I am right with you girl. I also have Teddy then my mother who is a healthy 94 except for Dementia now. ALthough we have her in a private care home. Best thing we ever did. My turn. OK. So last of the company left today.  NEVER again. Poor T turned to me last night and said, "I can't do this anymore." I immediately sent out an e mail to family that they did not listen to me and now its no longer a rule it's a law! Only 2 visitors at a time and for short periods. He didn't nap the whole week they were here. He felt he had to watch movies with them and talk to them, then last night he ran a fever and I had to help him to bed at 6PM. Next Wed. #1 son comes in from Milwaukee   and there could be 4 - 6 again. I will stand at the door with a rolling pin and only let 2 at a time come in. I will also not do as much as I did for everyone this last week.
He is going to sleep now at 6 ish and eating less. Breakfast is good, lunch OK and by dinner time he gets nausous and is too tired to eat.
All the paper work and all the little details actaully keep my mind busy so I don't think about other things. I have this extra energy that I don't know where it comes from but somehow I can't sit still.
Oh, I am so sorry, I rained on your vent. Sorry. Go for it, take some extra space and vent until you feel better. I am with you all the way!
I am so hoping you get to do that Family Cruise!


Re: Weekly vent...will, estate planning

Kimmie and Lainy,
I've read both your vents and I've cried.  I'm the person with cc, not the caregiver.  You are a wonderful daughter, Kim; and Lainy, you are a wonderful wife. 

Re: Weekly vent...will, estate planning

Kimmie, My heart breaks for you.  It just isn't fair that you have one parent with cancer and another with dementia.  I know that you are so sad, and I am so so so sorry.  I wish that I could help more, but please know that we are here for you no matter what is going on.  Of course this is the correct place to vent.... we understand.  Big hugs to you.  The paperwork does take a lot out of you.  Somehow we make it through these things.  I look at myself a year ago right now and have no idea how I did it.  My mom passed away September 13th, and I was 7 months pregnant.  You will someday look back at this time in your life and be amazed at the strength that you will have had.  Please know that we are here for you!!!!!!
Lainy, I am so sorry.  You have so much strength, even though your heart is breaking.  We are here for you also.  Big hugs to you too.......