• From: Cincinnati, Ohio
  • Registered: Tue, 11 Aug 2009
  • Posts: 48

Topic: Regrets

I have some regrets with how I handled the end of Art's life. I am a person of faith and believe that his spirit continues to live but I was so scared the last week of his life. I think the first reason is that we didn't expect it to go they way that it did. We thought that the Dr's would tell us that there was nothing more that they could do and we would have a few last months together. It came on so quickly and in such an unexpected way. I became afraid of seeing him go because it was my impression that it would be painful for him and I didn't think I could handle it. I wasn't there when he went. I was the one that found him. The nurse had just been in the room with him and when I came in he was gone. I regret not being there and thinking that he was sad that I wasn't there and he went alone. I regret the fear I had of him being in pain in the end. These things cause me pain.

  • Lainy
  • Lainy
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  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,213

Re: Regrets

Dearest Beth, one cannot look back and regret because Art would not want that. He knew you by his side for this journey and just like we don't want to see our loved ones suffer they do not want to see us suffer either. Perhaps he felt your fear and he went when he did because you were out of the room. Instead of resenting that you were not there he could hav ebeen relieved and picked that moment to pass. Believe me, Beth, I wish Teddy didn't have to suffer this long. Its so inhumane! Honestly I would rather see him slide quickly like Art did. I guess no matter how we view it the situations are so unjust. I truly beleive that once you open yourself up to Art you will find him all around you in different ways. Just be patient and he will come.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • From: Mooresville Indiana
  • Registered: Wed, 20 Jun 2007
  • Posts: 202

Re: Regrets

Oh Beth,

I am so sorry for the pain that you are going through.  My mom died in September 2009.  I have regrets too.  I know that God has a plan for all of us, and everything happens for a reason.  My grandma died a few years ago, and my grandpa had just stepped out of the room.  For so long he felt bad that he wasn't with her, but the hospice nurse told him that is how it happens so often.  Our loved ones know that we are in so much pain, and them leaving while we aren't there is one way that they can help us.  She told him that they had said their good byes, and they want to be remembered by the time that they spent together, not by them taking their last breath.  I can still see my mom taking her last breath, and that was so sad.  I know that doesn't make your pain go away, but I hope that it eases it in some way to know that others have felt and are feeling the same way that you are feeling.  You loved your husband.  You stood by him, and he knows that.
Big hugs to you,
Amy

  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: Regrets

Dear Beth,

What both Lainy & Amy have said is all so true.  I too have my regrets, but we can't change anything so we have to try not to dwell on those times and replace all that with all the memories of good times.  It isn't easy.  I might suggest expressing your feelings to our Dr.  Giles.  I did that and he gave me some good insight and his words were comforting to me and helped me to see things more clearly.  You can contact him by clicking the Patient Support tab on the top of the page and then Ask Dr. Giles.

Know that I am thinking of you and that many of us have the same thoughts and feelings that you are having and we are all here to help each other get through all of this.

Take care  Beth.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"