Topic: How do you deal?
My mother died less than 4 weeks ago. I understand that most people's lives have gone back to "normal" but not mine.
So why is it that the calls have all but ended? Where are my friends? The ones I would've sworn would continue to be supportive seem to have forgotten. Though there are a few that have surprised me - ones I didn't think would continue to show they care, they are the ones that continue to check in to see how I am doing.
A general "How are you?" can't really be answered. I want people to talk to me about my Mom. I want to talk about my Mom! She was a wonderful woman and I have many feelings right now about her death - anger, deep sadness, and still a bit disbelieving that she's actually gone from this earth. I want to act like a toddler, stomp my feet and scream "This is NOT FAIR!" I feel like my heart is going to burst from my chest sometimes. I think an anti-anxiety med may be in my near future.
My nine year old son is the only one that asks me, multiple times a day, how I'm doing. I don't think my husband knows what to say, so his way of helping is to pick up some slack with my mom/wife duties, which is a big help. And of course I have my sister and brother, they're going through the same pain I am. My sister and I have always been super-super close, but it's brought my brother and I closer, and for that I'm thankful.
I am having a very hard time dealing with my mother-in-law. She is an absolutely wonderful person, kind and caring. She lives next door, is retired but very fit and active, and has always been a huge help with my children. This is hard to put into words, but there's a part of me that doesn't want to see or talk to her. I met my husband when I was just barely 18, so she's been a part of my life for over 23 years. She's the next closest thing I have to a mother - she's my husband's mother - but she is still here and my own mother is not. Why do my kids get to still have her for a grandmother, but their Grammy is no longer a presence in their lives? Does that sound insane? I tried to verbalize this to my husband last night and he had this look on his face that I was crazy, he didn't know what to say. I let it drop.
How can you ask for support when you really don't even know what to ask for? I want to erase the last year and a half and have my mother back, but no one can give that back to me.
my mother lost her 16 month battle with CC 9/26/10
"Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations as all other earthly causes combined."