• From: South Louisiana
  • Registered: Mon, 17 May 2010
  • Posts: 94

Topic: Loving Wayne

I miss Wayne so much it makes me sick.  My therapist says we were so close, I was not only his wife of 35 years but also his caregiver for the pass 21 years.  Our lives, she says, were so intangled that one would have trouble identifing one from the other, but here I go trying to go on by my self.  Sept. month I wish I could sleep through.  Thrusday I go to the eye doctor to find out about my right eye, the l3th is my birthday (great).  On the 23rd I'm having a colonoscopy then to top the end of the month is our anniversary.  I'm ready to sleep right through the month.  Gotta go back to work now, I just needed someone who knows how I'm feeling, Thanks!!!!

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate
  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: Loving Wayne

Hi Terry,

Sounds like you have a rough month ahead of you.  I sure do know how you are feeling.  Our situations are so similar.  It seems like everything is a hugh challenge now that we have to deal with it all on our own.  You will deal with it all, tho' and it will be OK.  Before you know it September and all these challenges will be behind you.  Take care, Terry and try to stay strong.  Know that I am thinking of you and hoping everything works out for the best.  Keep posting your feelings and let us know how you are doing.  It doesn't change anything, but it does help to share your feelings and to know that others understand and care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: South Louisiana
  • Registered: Mon, 17 May 2010
  • Posts: 94

Re: Loving Wayne

You know it seems that days go by so slow, then all of a sudden it's been six months, but as I look back it seems like yesterday.  My doctor told me to let myself get angry and mad, but most people don't understand why you would have those feelings.  I'm still going to individual therapy, thank goodness, one week I feel like I'm OK then the next week I'm falling apart all over the place, I guess it's normal, but what is normal these days.  Thanks for listening.

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate
  • From: New Bern, North Carolina
  • Registered: Tue, 30 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 682

Re: Loving Wayne

After dealing with CC and it's aftermath I can categorically state that:  NORMAL IS JUST A SETTING ON A DRYER..........

Hang in there...Grief is the hardest job you'll ever do and there is no instruction manual, no timetable and no two people will face it in the same way.  Fortunately everyone here understands and will be here to help you in your journey.

Hugs and prayers headed your way!

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.
  • From: South Louisiana
  • Registered: Mon, 17 May 2010
  • Posts: 94

Re: Loving Wayne

Two weeks ago they called in hospice for my Mom.  My brother and I sat at the nursing home both day and night.  She went to Jesus on Nov. 21st.  It has been 9 months since cc took my Wayne away.  Two major losses in nine months.  During that two weeks at the nursing home, a couple of my friends came over to check on me.  I guess I had let my guard down a liitle because I let them in my box I have surrounded myself with. 

Some of the thoughts that I told them about was unbelievable to them.  You seem so strong, that's on the outside.  Neither one has expericenced a great loss.  No one knows how they would handle it unless they live it.  I would be very happy to change spots with them.   Having my loving husband at home, and my Mom a phone call away.

Sometimes it feels like it would be a lot easier to give in to my feelings and give up.  Then I realize I have a wonderful daughter that loves me very much, she thinks I'm crazy a lot of the time, but we love each other.  My son he seems to love me if he needs something.

As long as I'm talking to people I know and my couselor I can carry on a half way good conversation.  Just let me talk to someone else I start stuttering, I mix up my language, and can't remember anything.

One week for one and 9 months for the other, Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate
  • From: Kalmar, Sweden
  • Registered: Sun, 20 May 2007
  • Posts: 1,951

Re: Loving Wayne

Everyone heals in their own time. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Be kind to yourself. I think my mother is crazy half the time too which only leads to giggles and misadventures. Perhaps that is what you need.

Kris

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

36 year old patient with buckets of hope
  • From: Manchester,England
  • Registered: Mon, 03 Aug 2009
  • Posts: 328

Re: Loving Wayne

Hi Terry,

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum passing away so soon after your beloved Wayne.

Just to say I am thinking of you and yoru family, particularly at this Christmas time.

Sending you strength and peace,

Katie