Topic: We made it through Christmas

Our first without our mother.  I had my father, my sister and her family, and brother and his son to our house for dinner, and the day was actually very nice.  I did a TON of food prep on Friday, so I could just enjoy my family being here Saturday.  The kids had a ball, the controlled chaos of the 5 of them (ages 4-11) opening gifts was really fun to watch.  Delicious dinner and nice conversation, and we toasted my Mom and I read two quotes:

"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will."

And this one, because butterflies had such a significance for us this summer during my Mom's time on hospice:

"A butterfly captures our hearts
from the moment the appear.
They are vibrant and graceful
as their presence lifts our spirits.
Gone much too soon,
they will never be forgotten."

I really thought Christmas night I'd have the meltdown, once everyone was gone and the kids were in bed and it was quiet, but I was ok. Going to church yesterday was actually hard.  It was the Feast of the Holy Family, and the homily talked a lot about the importance of family, parents being role models for children, etc.  They sang Silent Night after communion (the choir at our church is outstanding) and the last verse the piano stopped and it was just singing.  It was absolutely beautiful, and out of nowhere I started sobbing.  I felt my mother's presence so strongly there in church, but it was a very sad feeling this time.  God love my son, he just hugged me.  So I got my cry out, it lasted only about two minutes.

My Dad, bless his heart, seems to be ok.  With his dementia progressing, he still remembers Mom died but doesn't dwell on this being our first without her.  I think my little brother is handling things well in general, though he's divorced and a single Dad to his sweet little 5 year old son, so he has lots on his mind anyway.  My sister seemed to be ok too.  She said it was the first non-stressful holiday in a long time for her, I think because she wasn't hosting or cooking, so she was able to relax more and just enjoy family time.  Like all of us who are grieving, she has good days and bad days.  I am thankful Christmas was one of her good days.

Hope all others who celebrated their first holiday without their loved one made it through ok as well.

~Kim
my mother lost her 16 month battle with CC 9/26/10
"Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations as all other earthly causes combined."

Re: We made it through Christmas

Dear Kim, I am so very happy everything went so well and I am sure your Mother was smiling down and I know that Teddy was as well.

I love this "Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will."

I needed that today. Thank-you!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: We made it through Christmas

Kim, what can I say?  Your quotes speak mouthfuls.  I've lost many close loved ones and unfortunately we don't have a choice but to continue on our journey without them.  It is so very difficult however.  With each loss, I have grown, become stronger and built up a strong will and determination.  Now I'm fighting the battle, but this time for myself.  There is nothing harder I have ever had to face.  As a single mother, the thought of leaving my daughters is something I refuse to dwell on, or to ever allow to become an option.  As for you, I am sure your mom never left your side and never will.  I am so happy that your holiday was joyous, and I am sure your mother was smiling on all of you.  Have a wonderful New Year filled with much joy, laughter & memories of your mom until you meet again. 

Kim

Re: We made it through Christmas

Hi Kimmie,

I am happy to hear that you and your family got through this Christmas. I know that it would have been a tough one though just as last years was for myself and my mum. It is also great to hear that the kids had a ball and yes, controlled chaos indeed seems the best way of describing these days!

Hugs,

Gavin

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: We made it through Christmas

I know it was a tough Christmas for our family to get through.  I lost my dad on November 6th.  I remember last year when I asked him if he wanted his tree up he had said yes, one last time.   He had not been diagnosed at that point , but he knew something was wrong.  I keep replaying everything in my mind.  We didn't celebrate in our usually fanfare, but let this Christmas wash over us.  I've also been morning my mom all over again.  She past away two years ago.  I hope in 2011 to celebrate their lives and laugh and live like they would want me to.  Best wishes to everyone.  Happy New Year.  Pam