Topic: Missing Mom

It has been a week today that we had moms service I returned to work on Tuesday a week after her passing. Everything has been going along. But today I sit here at my desk and alls I can think about is Mom I miss her so much. I cannot find the words to express this empty pain inside of me. I am just trying to get through the next 5 minutes without getting up and running out of here. Thanks to all of you on this site. Love you all

Lost my mom and my best friend on Jan 4, 2011

2 (edited by Cherbourg Fri, 14 Jan 2011 11:49:36)

Re: Missing Mom

Oh codergirl,

I know how you feel.  I lost my Mom on April 3, 2009 and I still sit at work and think, "oh I'll give mom a call". 

I miss her so much and believe me I too know how hard it is to lose your mom.  I know exactlly what you mean about the empty pain.  It's almost overwhelming at times.

I know and I promise you it will get a little better.  Time will get you to the point where you never forget the end but in time, the good memories will be the ones you remember first.

It hasn't been very long since losing your Mom.  Be kind to yourself and let yourself experience the grief.  You will find it's the hardest thing you will ever do but we have to work our way through it..at our OWN pace. 

One of the hardest times for me was a couple of weeks after Mom died.  All of a sudden, I realized the world had gone on it's merry way and here I was drowning in my grief.  Very few people even tried to understand how devastated I was.  I even had a very good friend tell me I needed to just get over it...that grieving wouldn't bring back my Mom.  It was only my southern upbringing and fear of prison that kept me from killing her.....

Please remember what a wonderful daughter you are and how lucky your Mom was to have you with her on her journey.  You are an amazing legacy your Mom leaves behind.

You will get through this and we are all here to help.  Your Mom left a part of herself in you.  She is proud of you.

Hugs, love and prayers for strength...I'm here if you need someone to talk to...

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: Missing Mom

Ditto on everything Pam said.  The other trick given to my by a friend:  when I am feeling really overwhelmed, I close my eyes and visualize a Stop Sign.  Yes, I know this sounds weird, but it distracts your mind enough for a few minutes to help you get through.  It really works for me.  I still have to use it almost on a daily basis when my emotions can't remain under control.  - Nancy

Mother of John who lost his battle on Oct. 9, 2009 at age 30....

Re: Missing Mom

Thanks Pam and Nancy it helps so much when others do understand! Your words help so much!!!

Lost my mom and my best friend on Jan 4, 2011

5 (edited by Darla Fri, 14 Jan 2011 18:48:33)

Re: Missing Mom

I too agree with everything that Pam has said.   It is hard when everyone else just goes on with their lives and you are left feeling alone, and helpless.  You don't "just get over it"!  I guess for those who haven't been there they will never understand.  Keep coming back here as we do understand.  It isn't easy and sometimes you may even have to take things moment by moment, but you will be OK.  Your life will never be as it was before, but you will get by.

I like Nancy's suggestion to visualize a stop sign.  I will have to try that.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Missing Mom

Do you ever go to the grocery store and the clerk says, "How are you today?" and you want to SCREAM "my mom just died." I've been there when I've had a loved one die. Of course the clerk doesn't know and they are just greeting you, but your pain is very real. Yes, it will become less acute at some point in the future. The pain will become more of a dull ache than a sharp pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Blessings, Susan

Re: Missing Mom

Dear Codergirl, you had it just right when you said 5 minutes at a time.
Everything to me feels more raw than it did before with Teddy gone only a month. Even though I primed myself to expect all the things that are happening it is more unreal now than before. That is not to say I am not doing my best and most of the time I am OK, but some of the time I still get that feeling like I am not going to breathe and I just let loose. Yesterday I found myself thinking, 'he will be home soon'. That was weird. I don't feel he has been around me this last week and oddly that bothers me and makes me feel more lonely. I really think you will start feeling your mom around you, you had too close a bond not to feel her watching over you. I also like what the other ladies said! And don't forget it's only been a week.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Missing Mom

Susan,  I know what you mean.  I can't tell you how often I have felt like that.  Yes, the pain is still there, but not as sharp.  I think you are right.  It becomes more of a dull ache.  Now I don't fall apart, but just say I'm doing OK.  Even when I'm not.   Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Missing Mom

Dear Codergirl, I lost my mother to a different type of cancer which was just as devastating as CC. There were so many times  that I would go to pick up the phone to call her and have the sudden realization that she wouldn't be there to answer. I do talk to her even four years later and find that to be healing. It was funny, several months before I was diagnosed with CC I kept having this premonition that I would be dead within a year. That is not at all like me to feel this way but one night I dreamed that both of my parents came to me and told me that I would be all right and they would be there to walk beside me. That was in August of 2009 and I was diagnosed in January of 2010. Somehow they do walk with me through this disease and I feel no fear as I know that God is with them as he will be with me as the disease progresses.

Re: Missing Mom

I am so sorry.  This time is so rough.  The funeral is over, you feel like everyone has gone back to "normal life."  But when someone loses their mother, there is no "normal life" anymore for us.  It makes you want to scream - "HELLO - I'm still grieving here!"  The thought of the earth still being able to spin without my mother on it was (and still is) unthinkable to me.

Right after my Mom died, everyone on these boards said each person grieves in their own way and on their own timeline.  For me, getting back to working helped because it kept my mind occupied.  But a rough patch for me was right where you are now, then I started feeling human for a few weeks, then it got tough again... you see the pattern.  A rollercoaster.  And that's ok.  WHATEVER you're feeling is ok.  Your pain is real, and it's so raw right now.

Like you said, just take it minute by minute.  I'm sorry I don't remember (I've been away from the boards for awhile) - do you have siblings that are sharing your grief?  My sister is one of the main reasons I'm making it through each day, week, month since losing our Mom.  Seems like when she's having a down day that I'm up, and vice versa.

~Kim
my mother lost her 16 month battle with CC 9/26/10
"Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations as all other earthly causes combined."

Re: Missing Mom

I wanted to re-post this poem that someone posted here awhile back.  I love it, it really spoke to me.

From a book of blessings called "Benedictus" by John O'Donohue - Irish Poet & Philosopher

When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you becomes fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.

Flickers of guilt kindle regret
For all that was left unsaid or undone.

There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
Onto the black tide of loss.
Days when you have your heart back,
You are able to function well
Until in the middle of work or encounter,
Suddenly with no warning,
You are ambushed by grief.

It becomes hard to trust yourself.
All you can depend on now is that
Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.

Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.

~Kim
my mother lost her 16 month battle with CC 9/26/10
"Mothers have as powerful an influence over the welfare of future generations as all other earthly causes combined."

Re: Missing Mom

Oh, Kim - this is so beautiful. I've never seen it before.  Thank you for posting it.

Julia

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Re: Missing Mom

Kim,

The poem is beautiful.  I've never seen it and it is perfect.  Thank you so much for posting this!

Pam

My Mom lost her one year battle with CC on April 3, 2009.

"A prognosis is simply an audit of how truly precious each day is.  Live each day to the maximum, celebrate what was, and what is - Don't spend your life looking forward to what will or might be." .... words of wisdom from my beloved son on hearing of his grandmother's CC prognosis.

Re: Missing Mom

I must agree with the rest.  It is beautiful and I had never seen it before either.  Thanks for posting it.   Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice.   You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Missing Mom

Kim, Kim, Kim, I needed that so badly today. I am printing it out as I have never heard the words expressed so eloquently. Thank-you so very much!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.