• Registered: Sat, 01 Aug 2009
  • Posts: 10

Topic: The First Anniversary

We are quickly approaching the first anniversary of my beloved husband's release from this disease.   
It's hard to believe he has been gone for almost a year.  It still feels like he is here and coming home from one of his work sites any day now.
I'm just having terrible flashbacks of his last days. I cry myself to sleep and cry myself awake.  Can't seem to stop leaking tears.
I was hoping to find a significant way to mark the day. It's odd because I don't seem to have the emotional energy to "plan" something memorable. I really just want to stay in bed and pull the covers up over my head. Would that be selfish of me? I just want to hang out with my son and daughter and be left alone by the rest of the world.
You all are so insightful and have wonderful words of wisdom whenever I've asked for advice.   Is there anything that makes this dreaded day bearable?

  • Lainy
  • Lainy
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  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,231

Re: The First Anniversary

Tawanda, my husbands leaving the earth day was 6 weeks ago. I find too that certain things set me off but I try to push myself as I know I need to do that and he would want me to do that.
I have taken up a mission to find out why he passed like he did in a Hospice Facility, and I just got the news today that I may have a Lobbyist who is going to help me make an explosion that I hope will be heard around the world. That is all I can say for now BUT I cannot bare the thought of anyone else going through what he did. I have to feel he did not suffer in vain. With that said, it has now given me renewed strength and something to dedicate myself to along with this wonderful Board. My aim would also be to use my vehicle to get the name of CC out there. I am so excited and my point is perhaps if you could find something to really get you jump started it might work. If you really feel you are not getting better I would suggest some grief counseling or a group. I am sure your husband would want you to now get on at least a few inches at a time.
Wishing you good luck and we are here for you.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • Registered: Sun, 14 Nov 2010
  • Posts: 295

Re: The First Anniversary

Tawanda - I don't think you should do ANYTHING but what you want to do.  On a personal level, I do not believe in doing a memorable thing on the day of my son's death.  It is too painful.  Instead, I focus on his life and, therefore, celebrate his birthday by giving back to my community on that day.   Last March, I got together with several friends and we painted rooms inside the home of a handicapped woman who needed our help.  It was a wonderful tribute.  If you want to stay in bed all day, stay in bed all day.  You need to do what is right for you.  What works for one does not work for everyone.  Again -- what I did and what worked for me -- on the anniversary of John's death, I flew out to visit my Aunt who lives in another state.  We spent the day with her children and grandchildren.....something totally different for me.....and I tried not to think about what day it was.  That may sound harsh, but I needed to do that to maintain my sanity.  That is not to say I did not think about John and what he went through, it just made the day more bearable for me.  Hope this helps....Nancy

Mother of John who lost his battle on Oct. 9, 2009 at age 30....
  • Registered: Sun, 14 Nov 2010
  • Posts: 295

Re: The First Anniversary

Tawanda - I also meant to say....hiding from the rest of the world for one day is not necessarily a bad thing, as long as you can pull yourself up by the bootstraps on other days.  It's o.k. to have a bad day but if it becomes constant, grief counseling might help.  Hugs - Nancy

Mother of John who lost his battle on Oct. 9, 2009 at age 30....
  • From: Chicago, IL
  • Registered: Sun, 15 Jun 2008
  • Posts: 710

Re: The First Anniversary

Grieving is very personal and if you want the day to be private for you and your children then others should understand that. On that day perhaps you could prepare a special meal and look at pictures with your children. Nature has healing properties so going for a walk might balance out spending some time under the covers, which is definitely allowed. Crying is therapeutic, it is a physiological expression of a human emotion and you really need to let it out so cry away.

Patty

tiapatty's Website

  • From: South Louisiana
  • Registered: Mon, 17 May 2010
  • Posts: 94

Re: The First Anniversary

Tawanda,
I know what you about approaching the one year mark.  One year today Wayne woke up throwing up blood, when I took  him to the hospital I had no idea he would not come home.  I cry nearly everyday, like now, I'm at work but I would rather be under the covers.  I do go to counseling every week, I started in June five months after the day God called him home, it helps greatly.  Then I lost my mother two months ago, if I want to stay under the covers, I deserve it for just gettiing up in the mornings.

Terry

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate