• From: South Louisiana
  • Registered: Mon, 17 May 2010
  • Posts: 94

Topic: Sunday I cooked

It doesn't seem like much but Sunday was the first time I really cooked since before Wayne went into the hospital.  I never liked to cook any way, he got hurt at work 22 years ago, so he was at home while I was working, so he did most of the cooking.  On the 17th it will be one year since Wayne went to see Jesus.  I would do anything to avoid the kitchen, but Sunday I fixed chilli, which was one of his favorite things during the winter.  This was a huge step for me, my counselor will be happy that I made at least one step this week.  We all need to band together and get rid of the monster cc.
Terry

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate
  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: Sunday I cooked

Terry,

That is great news.  I think it is a big step in the right direction.  I cooked years ago, but the last several years we ate out a lot.  Well, I don't get out as much now and eating out alone is hard for me to do, so I probably haven't been eating the best, but have done a few things in the slo-cooker of late and felt like you that it is a huge accomplishment. 

I will be thinking of you on the 17th.  Take care Terry.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

"One Day At A Time"
  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,204

Re: Sunday I cooked

Terry, small step for some, BIG step for Terry, well done! Good for you. I love to cook but of course for the last 2 months have not done it as it  is hard to cook for 1 person. Eating out is so much more convenient for me. At least I tell myself that. Last night I went to a Dinner/Fashion show. Everyone was coming up to me and asking, "how are you doing?". I tell them I joined the PUSH Club! I push myself to go out and do as I know it is what is best for me. So welcome to my PUSH club.

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • Registered: Sun, 14 Nov 2010
  • Posts: 295

Re: Sunday I cooked

All - I find cooking for two is even difficult, but what I do is cook up a storm on Sunday, making several dishes for the week.  I always try to do at least one crock pot meal during the winter (comfort food).  My husband is an accountant so he is gone until at least 10 pm each night, so I have dinner alone.  I tend to make a plate after I get home from work and watch the news which makes it not so lonely.  I don't like going out alone for dinner either.  Lainy - I like the "Push" club...I also push myself to do only things that help me and avoid too many moments that make me sad.  I still have a very hard time looking at pictures of my son.....so, honestly, I just don't do that yet.  I know I will at some point, but I just find it makes me cry.  I have a friend who also lost her son (about ten years ago) and she made almost a memorial tribute in her home (pictures of him, with candles, and angels, and tribute cards, etc.).  That just doesn't work for me.  I have a hard time even being in her home because it is just a constant reminder -- in every room -- of her loss and sadness.  I just don't think it's good for your general well being to do such things, so I guess I have really joined the Push Club too. 
Terry - Here's a thought:  do you have any friends who love to cook?  If so, why not invite them over once a week for a cooking party.  Learn some new recipes and enjoy a glass of wine and spend time with people you love.   Just me thinking out loud......
Hugs to all - Nancy

Mother of John who lost his battle on Oct. 9, 2009 at age 30....
  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,204

Re: Sunday I cooked

Terry & Nancy, you know it really helps to find others that have the same thoughts and reactions as I do. I had a picture of Teddy framed and it's 12x14 and hung it in the living room. I try to talk to him but every time I do I start crying, so I don't. I just look at him and in the picture his eyes follow you all over. It was hard to get used to but I love the picture. And yes, there are some pictures I just can't look at yet. Nancy, it is said that the hardest thing in life is to loose a child and I can't even imagine your pain. It has to be so much greater than mine. I don't go for that Memorial thing at home either. I don't want guests to feel uncomfortable. Here's to the PUSH Club!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • Registered: Sun, 14 Nov 2010
  • Posts: 295

Re: Sunday I cooked

Lainy - Thank you always for your kind words.  But, your pain is real and so is mine.   Loosing a child is so God-awful, but you lost the love of your life and that is awful too.  All I know is that it SUCKS for all of us!  But we have each other to lean on, so I lean on you and you lean on me.  The PUSH Club rules!!!!

Mother of John who lost his battle on Oct. 9, 2009 at age 30....
  • From: Wisconsin
  • Registered: Sun, 07 Sep 2008
  • Posts: 1,990

Re: Sunday I cooked

I find that pictures give me comfort, but I must admit that in the beginning I went somewhat overboard.  I was going through pictures and had a lot around.  I have cut that back now to my favorites that remind me of good times that we had together.  I still have a hard time pusing myself to do things, but I am working on it.  Yes it sucks, no matter what, and we all have to learn how to accept it and go on in our own way and time.

"One Day At A Time"
  • Registered: Sun, 14 Nov 2010
  • Posts: 295

Re: Sunday I cooked

Darla - You're absolutely right.  One day at a time for all of us......N

Mother of John who lost his battle on Oct. 9, 2009 at age 30....
  • From: South Louisiana
  • Registered: Mon, 17 May 2010
  • Posts: 94

Re: Sunday I cooked

Ladies, thanks for sharing, I have pictures up of Wayne before cc.  A happier and more healther time.  A lot of pictures are from my daughter's wedding 7-7-07 at 7 o'clock.  Even with his disablities he looked great and happy.  I'm a member of the Push club, I don't know how much pushing I can do, but I try.  I'm still seeing my therapist weekly, it seems like I feel so good after I go there, she really makes me think.

Terry

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate
  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,204

Re: Sunday I cooked

Terry you are getting there. I can see a BIG difference in your posts! I see you as the little engine that could. Remember that one? When you feel doubtful just say to yourself, "I think I can, I think I can". Some things never get old to me and that little engine is one of them. And remember you are now in the PUSH Club. But, don't do anything you really are not comfortable doing yet. You will arrive at the station when you are supposed
to and that will be your... on time!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.
  • Registered: Sun, 01 Aug 2010
  • Posts: 493

Re: Sunday I cooked

From one more member of the PUSH club, let me encourage all of us to be patient with ourselves in this process and good for you Terry - you cooked. Hooray! for you. One step at a time, one moment - some are better than others. Thanks for sharing a good one with us. Blessings, Susan

  • Registered: Sun, 14 Nov 2010
  • Posts: 295

Re: Sunday I cooked

All - I was just thinking out loud:  When we can't be members of the "Push Club" (which may be a little impossible for us all at times)....we can allow ourselves to be members of the "Pull Club" - a time when we allow our friends, family or therapists to give us a little pull to help us along.  I think we can...I think we can...I think we can.....

Mother of John who lost his battle on Oct. 9, 2009 at age 30....
  • From: South Louisiana
  • Registered: Mon, 17 May 2010
  • Posts: 94

Re: Sunday I cooked

nur1954
I know I'm a member of that club too.  I think there is some words in our English language that we need to retire;  such as deceased, died, and the most hurtful one of all widow.  I hate to fill out papers and they ask s, m, w,
that is something I could do without for the rest my life.  I guess unless you have been there, there is no way you could understand. It's not like we choose to have that title.

Terry

Love to my Wayne for 36 years
I'm not a widow, I am a wife
We are only apart for heaven's sake
You are waiting for me at heaven's gate
  • From: Phoenix AZ
  • Registered: Fri, 13 Jan 2006
  • Posts: 8,204

Re: Sunday I cooked

I love the 'Push" and 'Pull' concept. Reminds me of the 2 headed llama in Dr. Dolittle. Like I said, Terry, you have made a remarkable improvement from your earlier posts. Go at your pace as what you are doing seems to be working and that makes me very happy!

Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING
Any suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.